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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Friend who put's you down?

33 replies

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 20:56

In our group of girl friends their is a lovely bubbly happy jovial type all ways a laugh and witty. But she has the knack of putting people down in a funny way. We have all at sometime felt the results of her humor and i am beginning to wonder if i really want to spend time with her. This is a shame as apart from this she is a has some good friendship qualities. Have you have friend's who have done this and what did you decide to do?

OP posts:

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 20:58

I have a "friend" who always makes me feel terrible

I want to not see her but is hard as there is another friend that joins us two together

Do the others want to drop her?

floody · 02/10/2005 21:00

hi mallarky, know exactly what you mean, a friend of mine is single now and not really me thats down but my husband, i am not sure if just because she is single, then she wants everyone else to be.

starlover · 02/10/2005 21:00

i would avoid her. life is too short to waste it on people you don't really like, or who put you down! there are plenty of nicer people you could spend your time wth

KBear · 02/10/2005 21:01

I grew up with a girl like this. I put it down to her insecurity - my mum always said she was jealous of me somehow.

We're still friends but only by email as she lives overseas and to be honest I like it that way!

If friends don't make you feel GREAT - lose them.

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:04

I think they accept that there going to get some stick some of the time rtk. But tbh I don't want to wander if each time we meet whether she'll basically take the p*. She has good qualities but she thinks she is being funny, I think it's humiliating!

OP posts:

newmumhelp · 02/10/2005 21:04

God yeah! My so called best mate came round to see me when ds was 2 days old, and told me how rough i looked, and that she couldn't believe it. And i'd not looked that rough for years!! Yeah love!! You try looking good on a few hours sleep.

Anyway, i'm still sort of mates with her. This isn't a one off though, she's ALWAYS putting me down. Just kind of accept thats the way she is, and i know i shouldn't. I should tell her to eff off...so i'm no use as i'm a bit of a mug myself!

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 21:05

what happens if someone does it to her ????

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:07

She's always got something else witty to say. I don't think I have ever seen anyone be able to do it!

OP posts:

RTKMonherBroomstick · 02/10/2005 21:08

don't know what to suggest then

I wish I could say drop her but I can't drop my one

ggglimpopo · 02/10/2005 21:10

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:12

I don't see her that often, if she didn't do this then perhaps I would see her more often! I have been invited to her hen night a night in Edinburgh which her dp is paying for but i really don't want to have the p** taken out of me while we are away.

OP posts:

starlover · 02/10/2005 21:13

yes, just give her a condescending look and ignore it!

ggglimpopo · 02/10/2005 21:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:18

Well gglimpopo, perhaps your right but that might be a bit too scary for me to do. Although I'm quite protective of my other friends the trouble is sometimes they think it's funny to when it's not directed at them!

OP posts:

pumpkincarrier · 02/10/2005 21:23

hold on a second - do you know that she knows it hurts your feelings? for sure? maybe she genuinely doesn't know, if this is the way she talks all the time. She perhaps thinks she is being entertaining and has no idea she is being hurtful. maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt and ask if she is aware that she is hurting your feelings. that seems only fair.

pumpkincarrier · 02/10/2005 21:23

I mean quietly, one to one, not in a confrontational way.

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:27

She's not bothered about being hurtful to others it just seems to come naturally and its more than often or not for effect. Usually we are in the pub she is aware I'm sure of the effect she can have.

OP posts:

hunkerpumpkin · 02/10/2005 21:28

She might not be, Mallarky.

What sort of things does she say? Is there a chance you're being oversensitive (I don't know what she's saying, so I don't know if this is possible?)

pumpkincarrier · 02/10/2005 21:32

Mallarky - not necessarily. if everyone always laughs then she may be completely unaware that it is hurtful. if you say that she is "lovely bubbly happy jovial, always a laugh and witty, with some good friendship qualities" then I think she might deserve the benefit of the doubt. esp if it comes naturally - if this is the way she always is then she may not have any other way of talking IYSWIM

floody · 02/10/2005 21:35

is she like it all off the time or just hen she has had a drink.

hunkerpumpkin · 02/10/2005 21:37

How old is she? Only part of what you write could have been describing me when I was younger. I like to think I've toned it down now and am more careful of other people's feelings - my problem is that I would sell my left leg for a laugh

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:37

It's often one liners like a mutual friend's son got caught with some dope when she walked in to the pub she said something like hear comes the dopes loud enough for them to hear. It doesn't sound harsh but when its directed at you it's difficult.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mallarky · 02/10/2005 21:42

She's forty two older children. She has upset her friends but she is adament that one of her better qualities is that she never says sorry! 'It's said to often an becomes unmeaningful' she believes.