I have only just discovered Mumsnet (thanks Kate) and if only I had seen this 18 months ago!!!!! My husband left me initially in June 2009 to carry out a 3 month affair with OW from work. Id heard all the excuses to the "script" and I really believed he was having a breakdown, needed help, made a big mistake and I welcomed him back with open arms. He returned for 12 months and after being in hospital and having an operation (2 days out of hospital) he told me he was "unhappy" and I promptly told him to leave. It was so hard my daughters adore their Daddy and comforting them (both sobbing every night) whilst post-op was the hardest thing I will ever endure. Throughout all of this I still desparately loved him. It transpired he was seeing a different girl at work and despite my hurt I always remained friends for the sake of the girls (and my own sanity if truthful). He would drop girls off, stay for coffee and once when I dropped girls off he even made me a breakfast as I was travelling up north and he didnt want me to travel on empty stomach (how very kind of him, oh what a fool I was). Run up to Christmas he said he missed his family, had made a mistake, still loved me and always had and I fell for it again. He returned a week before Christmas (OMG writing this down makes me die of shame, I really am not this stupid person, surely). Whilst at home he was still getting text messages from OW and I said this was totally unacceptable. He said he couldnt let her down over Christmas and she would get fed up. She even texted me which is the most hurtful thing out of all of this saying that "she would leave recipes out for the girls so their daddy could cook for them, hair bobbles to help their daddy look after them and the most hurtful thing was she said they wouldnt respect me ever for keeping their daddy away from them, I HAVE NEVER EVER KEPT THEIR DADDY AWAY FROM THEM). Obviously its jealousy on my part, I have no control over this but it tears me apart that she thinks she knows my girls when she has never met them and what is best for them. She is very young and has no children. Since this episode I have detached myself from him and my eldest has her own phone especially for daddy to ring but he still rings my phone. I havent answered it tonight and he was forced to ring my daughters phone (which I always make sure she has with her and is fully charged)he then texted her saying "look after Mommy she needs help". Im struggling so much with detaching myself because I know he sees this as me using girls against him, my MIL isnt speaking to him and he also blames me for this. Im naturally a kind, caring person but I feel he has used this against me at every avenue. Please help. I hate feeling jealous and scared about the OW and children loving her and then living happily ever after. I dont want him back I really have seen him for the idiot he is but he is still trying to control me. He said on phone I need to find a new man and if he wanted me he would be able to win back, I wished him luck with that because after my "doormat" beheaviour I really think he has lost all respect for me and thinks I am sat at home waiting, waiting, waiting. In my defence I have never texted him, begging him, cried on him I really did simply let him go and even though my heart was breaking he had no idea this was the case as I was simply trying to move on as best I could. The first time he left a man at work showed an interest in me and he was so jealous although denies this profusely.