I have made a scary decision, to move to a strange place where I know no one and I need to keep it secret, can you help?

[InterestedInMoving]

I don't want anyone to know as I don't want exp to know. How do I keep house sale/purchase secret, have neighbours who may tell one who is in touch with exp and one of them has a son who is an estate agent, and they all talk, as I know one.

How did I keep the removal men quiet on the day from prying questions? Should I get stuff moved to over time to storage and then use removal men.

How do I keep the school from being invaded. There is a lady at the secondary who worked at the primary my kids were at and when there she was caught nosing in private files she had no right to look in. She knows people I know who may tell exp.

It is so scary it is just me and the kids, I will not know anyone when I move. I just know I have to leave here and I to feel safe and free I need to be somewhere where I am not known or where someone I don't want to touch me will know where I am.

The thing about selling a house is that if you don't let anyone know, no one knows it's on sale so no one buys it.

Bit of a catch 22.

Surely the most important bit is that no one knows where you are going? Can you focus on that bit?

Sorry you are going through this.

I meant I don't want the estate agent to know where I am moving to, once the house I am now living in has sold, I want to keep the new address to myself.

could it be an option to move everything into storage and then use a different company to do the real move?

same with schools, use family address as moving on address (ideal if you have an address at opposite end of the country)

a friend went through something similiar (although no children involved). she put majority of stuff into storage and lived in a couple of rented houses for a few months (whilst she house hunted several 100 miles away) and then did her "flit"

could you get all school records so that noone needs to make contact with old school? (same with dentist/doctor)

I'd speal to womans aid they should be able to give you advice as this is precisely what they help people do?

Then I would say that you do it in 3 stages:

1. Sell Current House

2. Short-term Rent another house (get removals to take stuff to a storage unit)

3. Buy new House

Posted too soon...

That way, you can use different estate agents for first sale and subsequent buy, you have a forwarding address that is only temporary, and in fact you could give either a trusted friend or your parents' address as a correspondence address.

You can also do a mail forwarding service, whereby you don't change your address for correspondence straight away, but you ask the Post Office to forward all mail to your new address. That way, only the PO will know.

I'm assuming your exp is your dc dad because if he has contact with them then the courts may well intervine?

I agree with Cargirl, unfortunately unless there are court orders in place preventing exp from seeing dc, the courts are very good at finding people (presuming of course that he's their father.)

Just to give you some more information - all school children have a unique pupil reference which follows them regardless of location, similar to an NHS number. Just something for you to bear in mind.

Please speak to Women's Aid as others have suggested.

Also, I agree with other suggestions about using storage as an interim measure and never using the same company twice. You can ask the estate agent to not place a board outside the house and use an agent in a neighboring town.

I guess it goes without saying but don't use social networking sites and don't allow the children to either.

Also, when you can, change your name. It can be done online these days.

Hope some of this helps.

It does mean you will never be able to vote as your details will be entered into the register.

You could always change your names legally - not sure if any open records are kept of that.

But as others have said, Women's Aid is your best bet - they (sadly) will know all there is to know about having to disappear.

It is very easy to find people - I have done it many times using tracing agents

My advice is to change your names and the names of your children - move to somewhere temporarily - then move on again dont talk to people of tell them where you are going - lie if necessary.

Change back accounts - apply for new ones in your new name - same with passports, utility bills, phone bills - remove all knowledge of your name

But if exp goes to Court the Court can usually track you through benefits etc

Rent somewhere else.

Put the house up for sale, contact with the EA through a PAYG phone, Find a solicitor and the use them as the address for contact for the house sale. Solicitor doesn't need to be that close to where you actually live.

Sell the house.

Buy somewhere else.

As far as identities go, you will need specialised advice with Name changing etc.

If anyone asks about removals, tell them you are having the house decorated and are moving everything into storage for a couple of weeks.

Redirect your mail to the Solicitor address

Exp has no contact with children or interest in them for a few years now. The last court order was no order for contact, they are both at secondary school now and have no interest in him. I will let the court know I am moving just in case and keep my old email, he said he had no interest in the children until they are older as he never wants to see me again . He can't seem to leave destroying me alone in any form possible, so I don't want him to know where I live anymore.

Solicitor's address can be used for move's etc.

There are a few suggestions on how I can handle removal firms.

The loose cannon is the school really.

I will have a chat with women's aid when the kids are back at school.
Can you tell me more about the electoral register please?

IIM, you can, and should, register to vote at your new address (it affects your credit rating for one thing) but make sure you 'opt out' of the edited register as this is the published version.

Then the only people who can access the records are people with official access, e.g. local authorities etc. No-one could go and look you up.

Def talk with womans aid they may be able to provide a temporary rental home or something?

What about getting a Non-Molestation Order?

I will private message you veritythebrave x

what BitOfFun said if it is on going
Are you saying that xp is not interested in children but still obsessing/harrassing you?
I have the feeling that he may has left the children as a last ammunition when your run that is how he can get you back. Hope I am wrong

Justforthisone, what do you mean he has left the kids as a last ammunition? He has no interest in them for a long time now, he used them and hurt them when he was seeing them.

dont tell the school till the last day, or just dont tell until you have gone, then there isnt likely to be any leaks.
Explain to new school your issue and ask them if they need to contact the old school (dont see why they would) please could they ask for info to be sent via solictor.

Could you take the kids out of school for a term and say you're home edding them then move them to the new school?

Go and speak only to the schools principal. Explain you need total confidence. There is no reason why he/ she cannot deal with any information that has to be passed to new school. There will be no need for any other member of staff to be involved.

Wishing you all the luck in the world I feel very sad that this is happening to you.

Just a small point, you would still be able to vote, contary to what a poster said above. There are special measures in place to protect the identity of people in these situations.

I work as a Presiding Officer in Elections and there is a special code, for people in 'hiding' and also specific procedures. They are not shown on the Electoral Register.

I know it isn't a huge thing, but contact your local Electoral office once you get settled. Am sure they would help.

Sorry you are going through this and good luck for the future.
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