Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I believe MIL cancelled Christmas to prepare for her toy boy moving in.....

47 replies

DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 16:55

Remember my threads about the Phillipino she met on a cruise last year? Well, he finally hot his visa and he arrives in the UK to live with her today. He is 39, she is 64.

Anyway,she was supposed to be hosting a family dinner on boxing day which never happened because she basically concoted loads of lies to get out of it. First her blood pressure was high, then it was low, then she had swine flu but the doctor didn't prescribe anything because there is nothing you can take Hmm Then on 23 Dec the nursing home called to say her partner was dieing and would not make it through the day. Turns out it was an infection and he is fine.....

She rings me on boxing day saying she feels so ill she wants to die and that the GP out of hours are not calling her back. I call them for her, take her to out of hours GP, I can't ait with her as we have taken up the mantle and are doing family thing at ours, so my Mum offers to wait with her. Doctor prescribes her nothing......she rings me that night saying can I take her some food.....she is hungry...

Anyway, she texted yesterday to say she feels much better, like anew person. Funny that as her 'friend' arrives today.

Anyway, she has not seen her grandchildren, or given them her pressies at all over Christmas, nor has she intimated that she feels bad about this, or mentioned when she plans on seeing them.

I have been taken for a mug.

I think she is losing the plot, she is not sane, and tonight a guy who she has met on only 3 separate ocassions is moving into her home. I have no idae what to do.

OP posts:
cornsilkcornedbeefhash · 28/12/2010 16:57

God it's like Coronation Street. What does dh say?

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 17:00

what can you do? leave her to it and be there to pick up the pieces when he runs off with all her money.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 28/12/2010 17:02

So she has a husband in a home, and is moving in a new young piece of meat?

Or is he there in a kind and generous capacity? Meaning he helps dust the skirting boards and gets to live in the U.K.?

What do the rest of the family think?

oldenoughtowearpurple · 28/12/2010 17:04

TBH, if I were looking forward to some hot sex the love of my life arriving to start a new life with me then peeling spuds for an ungrateful bunch of relatives who think I am totally stupid and past it would be pretty low on my To Do list.

Miggsie · 28/12/2010 17:04

How dreadful, but the only thing you can do is find out how long his visa is for and inform immigration the day it runs out, if of course, they are not married by then, as I'm afraid the bloke is a male tart, no question.

All you can do is wait and hope she sees reason, nothing you say to her will have any effect at all.

oldenoughtowearpurple · 28/12/2010 17:05

Look forward to reading all about it in Take A Break later on in the year though...

Original poster
DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 17:09

oldenoughtowearpurple she is stupid. He is 39 and married with 2 kids. She says he treats her like a lady and they have a special connection. She wired £10k to his bank account, she has paid his tuition fees for 2 years in advance. He will be living with her rent free for 2 years.

It is like Corrie. The rest of the family think she is barking and have kind of washed their hands of her.

Dh says she is a crap mother but a grown up and we should just leave her to it.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 28/12/2010 17:09

Miggsie- I believe from previous threads he is already married with children!

Original poster
DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 17:10

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 it's not her husband in a home, her long term partner of 20 years, they never married, not that that changes anything.

OP posts:
CaptainNancy · 28/12/2010 17:10

Heheh- x-post there.

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 28/12/2010 17:12

Yes old enough...a new story line, they are normally Turkish aren't they?

39 is hardly sprightly though?

If he is a money grabbing gigolo like the Take A Break crowd then when he grabs hold of those bingo wings he ain't letting go till the pension book is empty.

cornsilkcornedbeefhash · 28/12/2010 17:15

anyone remember Deirdre and Samir?

kayah · 28/12/2010 17:18

she gave the guy 10K?
hmmm...

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 28/12/2010 17:21

Bit disrespectful to the partner isn't it? After 20 years. Did he set up home with her and invest money - before she fritters it away on trainers and digital watches for her new young thing? He should have a say surely?

I suppose if your dh has given up on the idea of a mum and an inheritance then let the crazy old Hettie get on with it.

It will be you guys she comes running to if he clears her out of house and home and moves his family in there though.

When she does just tell her you've got Asian Bird Flu and can't help.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 17:22

sorry but i think she is the one being taken for a mug not you and i think you should all be warning her of what danger she may be placing herself in by letting an almost stranger move in.

i see no concern in your post at all.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 17:25

Oh we have warned her till we are blue in the face. She takes no advice from anyone.

Apparently I am a silly little girl Hmm who has no idea what it feels like to be 64 and lonely. She sees this as her last shot at happiness.

OP posts:
HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 17:30

well then, let her get on with it.

Hopefully you are all wrong and this man loves her and they'll be happy together.

Or, when he's bled her dry and run off with a young lass, you can buy her this

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 17:32

oh fair enough then. she is an adult and will make her own mistakes. I hope it isn't a scam for her sake. she must be lonely though if that is what she is saying. Sad

Original poster
DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 17:37

Lonely?! She has 2 sons, 2 daughter in laws and 3 grand children who live in the same town as her. She does not have to be lonely. But she doesn't want us, she doesn't want family lunches, days at the park or watching nativity plays. She wants glamour, wining and dining, she wants to feel special. She thinks she is CRystal Carringon.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 17:44

well you know what, there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special to just that one person. all good and well saying she has her children and grandchildren etc but it's not teh same as a lover or companion. some people jsut aren't complete without a partner.

bran · 28/12/2010 17:45

I think your DH is right, she's an adult and is responsible for her own decisions. You can't make her be the MIL/grandmother that you would like her to be, so why waste time and emotional effort getting upset when she lets you down.

I'm aware that I'm quite hypocritical but, while I find Take a Break type magazines boring and irritating, I am curiously fascinated by the slow car-crash of your MIL's love life. So do keep us up to date please. Wink

Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 28/12/2010 17:47

But on top of this her partner of 20 years is still alive!

It's all a bit "Nighty night!"

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 17:48

yes, you want her to be knitting, she wants to spend her days being shagged off the end of the bed and slammed into the wardrobe! Wink

If it wasn't for the money, I'd say she's using him more than he's using her.

Still, when he's got all he can from her and legged it, you never know, she may feel it was worth it.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 17:50

i know a couple in their 60's. the man is married with grown up children, his wife lives in a care home, she is fully aware of his relationship with the other woman, they have met, they have celebrated xmas together, infact the wife has knitted presents for the OW's new great-grandchildren when they were born. it is all very amicable. the wife understands that she cannot provide the companionship for her husband taht he wants and gets from his OW.

AvengingGerbil · 28/12/2010 17:54

This puts me in mind of a bit of Dorothy L Sayers (Have His Carcase), when M. Antoine the professional dancer talks about the elderly ladies who require his services:

"L'amour! These ladies come and dance and excite themselves and want love and think it is happiness. And they tell me about their sorrows ? me ? and they have no sorrows at all, only that they are silly and selfish and lazy. Their husbands are unfaithful and their lovers run away and what do they say? Do they say, I have two hands, two feet, all my faculties, I will make a life for myself? No. They say, Give me cocaine, give me the cocktail, give me the thrill, give me my gigolo, give me l'amo-o-ur!. Like a mouton bleating in a field. If they knew!"

(I know this is not necessarily helpful, but it's a slightly upmarket Corrie reference!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread