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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I believe MIL cancelled Christmas to prepare for her toy boy moving in.....

47 replies

DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 16:55

Remember my threads about the Phillipino she met on a cruise last year? Well, he finally hot his visa and he arrives in the UK to live with her today. He is 39, she is 64.

Anyway,she was supposed to be hosting a family dinner on boxing day which never happened because she basically concoted loads of lies to get out of it. First her blood pressure was high, then it was low, then she had swine flu but the doctor didn't prescribe anything because there is nothing you can take Hmm Then on 23 Dec the nursing home called to say her partner was dieing and would not make it through the day. Turns out it was an infection and he is fine.....

She rings me on boxing day saying she feels so ill she wants to die and that the GP out of hours are not calling her back. I call them for her, take her to out of hours GP, I can't ait with her as we have taken up the mantle and are doing family thing at ours, so my Mum offers to wait with her. Doctor prescribes her nothing......she rings me that night saying can I take her some food.....she is hungry...

Anyway, she texted yesterday to say she feels much better, like anew person. Funny that as her 'friend' arrives today.

Anyway, she has not seen her grandchildren, or given them her pressies at all over Christmas, nor has she intimated that she feels bad about this, or mentioned when she plans on seeing them.

I have been taken for a mug.

I think she is losing the plot, she is not sane, and tonight a guy who she has met on only 3 separate ocassions is moving into her home. I have no idae what to do.

OP posts:
plupervert · 28/12/2010 18:51

It's a pity she did all the lying, though.

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 18:52

probably on some level, she knows she is being used and taken for a fool.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 19:11

probably, yes. i mean if all your family are telling you you're a fool but you are so desperately lonely you are willing to overlook it, you aren't going to want to tell them are you?

LunaticFringe · 28/12/2010 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 28/12/2010 22:34

Not sure about the in's and outs of how he got his visa. I know she used an agency, and he will be studying whilst here and she has arranged a job for him in social care (in the nursing home her partner is in no less)

There is far more I could go into but won't, and as I seem to be the only family member worrying about it all I think I should take a step back really.

Thanks for all your input guys.

OP posts:
defineme · 28/12/2010 22:40

Take a step back.

Sad for your kids that their gran is crap, but they have you and rest of family.

She's not very old and she's not very interested in you-so STOP running around after her. It's not your job to save her nor is it your job to look after her.

If it were me I would leave any contact to dh-let him answer the phone, I have my own mother to deal with.

msboogie · 28/12/2010 22:46

I think your DH is right.

KangarooCaught · 28/12/2010 23:00

You can see the car-crash about to happen but she has chosen to blinker her eyes to it. Speaking as someone whose father who behaved like a feckless teenager for a number of years, blew money that should have been my brothers and mine on intangibles, and flew in a wife 20 years his junior, you can only caution them not to be left looking an old fool and penniless, and let them get on with it. I understood my father's desire not to get old, and not to get old and lonely.

MadameDefarge · 28/12/2010 23:04

eh, kangeroo, your dad's money was his to blow as foolishly as he saw fit...in what way "should" it have been yours?

I understand it's frustrating, but hell, life is bloody short, our society does not value older people, who put anyone in the judges seat for "too old for shagging and frittering?"

KangarooCaught · 28/12/2010 23:39

Complicated MDF - but can see how my post reads. Will PM you the sorry saga rather than derail thread.

MadameDefarge · 28/12/2010 23:46

thanks kangs, I know these things can be complex. But don't worry about PMing. I take your word for it. FWIW am still wryly amused by utterly loaded GPS leaving extremely well off kids squillions and grandkids a couple of hundred apiece, making sure there was a fine monetary distinction between girls and boys! luckily expect nowt from any of them now! Heartily expect to hear DF has felt his squillions to some ashram bearing his name....!

KangarooCaught · 28/12/2010 23:48

Oops, done - just delete, it's long!

MadameDefarge · 28/12/2010 23:50

no no, it was illuminating. You are a better person than I! Wink

KangarooCaught · 29/12/2010 16:57

So is he here, DrNortherner?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 29/12/2010 19:20

Yes he arrived this morning. She has rung dh's bro and his wife to see how they are and told them she will catch up with them later in the week.

She has not called us.

OP posts:
hairyfairylights · 29/12/2010 19:26

I think you should just leave her to it. What is the problem exactly with her forming a new relationship and why do you feel threatened by it?

Original poster
DrNortherner · 29/12/2010 19:35

What is my problem?

She is 64 and he is 39
She has met him on 3 separate occasions only
She has a long term partner in a nursing home
He has a wife and 2 children and no money
She has no money so is spending her partners money as he is too incapacitated to realise

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 29/12/2010 20:19

But it's none of your business. She is entitled to make her own mistakes and have as much sex with young men as she likes. You are not her boss or her owner, so leave her alone and keep your catsbumface to yourself.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 29/12/2010 20:22

Nice, thanks.

OP posts:
Eurostar · 29/12/2010 20:40

Does the DP have any family? because if he is incapacitated as you say and it is his money that she is spending someone needs to get in and act on the P's behalf before there is nothing left to pay for his care.

I've met hundreds of men acting in this idiotic way during my work and travels in countries where there are beautiful but poor women with a desire to get out, rare to hear it of a woman. Hope she won't come to as sticky an end as several men I know.

Expect the visa is a student visa that allows part-time working? Can't be revoked unless it is shown he doesn't attend college.

KangarooCaught · 29/12/2010 21:01

Is she her partner's next of kin?

hairyfairylights · 29/12/2010 22:48

agree with stuffing

if she's fraudulently spending someone elses money, report it. But the rest is her business.

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