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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

your stories about twatty men

67 replies

bathbuns · 27/12/2010 19:02

I would love to hear some stories about dates with twatty men, to cheer me up. Nothing sad or genuinely awful, lighthearted only! I just had to dump someone I recently started seeing because of his twattery and I need someone to laugh with.

I did really like this guy. I don't now. There were little things, like when I sent him a text last week saying I was a bit down and telling him about it, and him replying just saying 'I really want a shag.' Or on our third date, I spent the day with him. We had a nice time, but the student protests went near his house and he wanted to see them. We went to the end of the road and watched it go past and then he wanted to join in (he's an academic). I said I couldn't because I can't walk much (and he had already said he didn't want to be seen with my in my wheelchair) so he went anyway, and left me to go and sit in his flat for 45 minutes. I had to walk back down an icy pavement by myself when I'm wobbly at the best of times. But that isn't the point. If I was 100% mobile you still shouldn't leave someone on a date and piss off with your friend.

The thing that really put a nail in the coffin is the fact that he is heavily into BDSM. He wants to be humiliated; urinated on, have me sleep with someone else in front of him, etc. etc. I am just not the sort of person who is comfortable humiliating anyone, but when I said that to him he assured me I would grow to like it. Um, no. I've now ended it properly and he texted me back saying 'you are just scared because I've woken something in you and now you can't turn it off.' Seriously, what a twat. I told him I don't want to do something, and he is certain deep down I do.

There are other unpleasant things... saying he wants to be devoted to me, which after just 3 dates creeps me out. He's sure we will get married etc. etc. I know he sounds awful here, but he did seem really lovely when I first met him. Intelligent, funny, modest.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

OP posts:

beingsetup · 29/12/2010 19:02

Tell him you're inviting all your mates round and they all wanna piss on him and what incredibly hot foreplay it will be.....

Original poster

bathbuns · 29/12/2010 19:07

But beingsetup he'd turn up looking all excited!!

OP posts:

StuffingGoldBrass · 29/12/2010 20:15

Yup, text him back 'Do not contact me or attempt to contact me again. Further contact attempts from you will be treated as harassment.'
You owe this man nothing. No one has any kind of right to continue any kind of relationship with a person who doesn't want to know.

abedelia · 29/12/2010 20:36

Tell him you have kept all his delightful texts and if you receive another you will be reporting him to his institution as you believe him to be a danger to women. Twat.

TurkeyBASTer · 29/12/2010 21:19

He's a deranged, manipulative bully.

Do what SGB said and stand firm. He does indeed sound potentially dangerous. Save any texts thus far and if he texts even once, following your final text to him as suggested by SGB, report to police.

Janos · 29/12/2010 21:24

Do what SGB said, or something along those lines.

And do save the texts. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

PerEggnogAdNauseum · 29/12/2010 21:31

Eewww.. And continuing harassment. What SGB said.

And re self-obsessed men - I went out with a guy 20 a few years ago for a few weeks who dumped me over the phone. Started off with the 'not me it's you', then proceeded to tell me how proud he was of himself that he hadn't slept with anyone else in all the time we were together . I figured he didn't specifically need me on the other end of the phone at this point so I gently hung up. It was a few minutes later that he (noticed and) rang back to tell me just how rude I was to hang up on someone who's talking to them.

He's still single, and still trying it on with 20 year olds

Janos · 29/12/2010 21:56

I could tell you many stories of twatty men, where to start? A lot of them aren't very funny though. Well, they are funny peculiar, not funny ha ha.

I do remember one a few years back who had the temerity to be upset that I dumped him because he said the following (paraphrasing a bit here) 'well, you're very pretty but you're quite fat aren't you'.

He spent much of our brief time together complaining about his various health problems.

catinboots · 29/12/2010 22:09

I had a guy who insisted on taking me to a michelen starred vair expensive restaurant for a first date. I had suggested the local pub.

When the bill came, all ££££££ of it, I made vague modern-woman noises about paying half. As you do.

He let me.

Twat.

Don't be flash if you haven't got the cash chum.

fizzfiend · 29/12/2010 22:31

oh...my lovely man ... 2 years. After one entire year, an old mate of his called while we were at lunch. he answers phone. "Yeah I'm unattached," he says. I smile sweetly WTF? This is just one of many lovely moments....fucking arse!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 29/12/2010 22:47

peregg, rofl at image of you gently hanging up while he babbles on ... oh, did me good that did!

JessinAvalon · 29/12/2010 23:05

I went on a few dates with a guy recently and he was really keen, texting me non-stop, trying to arrange dates all the time.

All of a sudden it stopped. I asked via Facebook what was going on and got some vague rubbish about him being busy and said he would get in touch in a few weeks. He carried on texting occasionally so I ended up asking again via Facebook, 'ok, what's really going on here?'

He admitted that he'd been seeing someone else but said that perhaps we could get together again when he knew what was happening with her in a few weeks time. Er....I thought not.

Then he said we could be friends, and that's all we were anyway, and WTH did I expect after a few dates. I asked why, if we were just friends, he'd considered it inappropriate to hang out with me whilst he was seeing someone else. I asked why he couldn't have just been honest and he threw every excuse under the sun at me, with most of them being my fault (of course) but that we could be friends still if I wanted. I said no thank you and blocked his profile on FB (had already deleted his number).

Then I received a text message from him, obviously frustrated at not being able to respond on Facebook, telling me that I was abusive and nutty and that I "needed to leave him alone now". Err....he was the one texting ME!

The previous one was closely followed by a text saying that if, however, I did fancy being friends, to get in touch in a few weeks time!! I was speechless. The guy lies to me, calls me abusive and nutty but still expects me to be friends.

What a w@nker.

WRT to the guy you were asking about in the OP, I would suggest ignoring him. I wish I'd done that with the above guy. I felt very angry after the exchange above.

Bin and win!

StuffingGoldBrass · 29/12/2010 23:37

Blimey, Jess, how utterly infuriating. What a complete knob.

TDada · 29/12/2010 23:46

Friend of mine used to say "So and so was in love with him but just didn't know it yet"

TDada · 29/12/2010 23:47

More like someone I know than close friend....naturally he didn't get his girl in the end.

JessinAvalon · 29/12/2010 23:54

Thanks SGB - he was but almost convinced me that it was my problemn and I nearly posted on here asking for advice.

However, I was in a crappy relationship before and didn't trust my instinct enough at all in that one so, with this one, I decided to trust my instinct (which was telling me that I was being reasonable and he was being a tosser) and just move on.

Instinct now fully engaged for future relationships!

[Hijack over]

Original poster

bathbuns · 30/12/2010 11:32

fizzfiend what a horrible man!

Am going to do as SGB suggested. And very satisfying it will be too. He was sending me 20 texts a day at the beginning of all this, and thankfully it's dropped right down after I told him it was making me very uncomfortable, so he should at least listen. Will tell him I'll report him for harrassment if he doesn't stop though.

Thanks for all the other stories. Glad it isn't just me.

OP posts:

JosieRosie · 30/12/2010 13:46

Yuk, all the grossness make me need shower!

My BF told me that a friend of her hubby's was bragging to them about this hot lady he had met at a wedding. They had exchanged numbers and planned to go out together some time. This slimeball's lovely idea for a first date was to go swimming on Hampstead Heath at 6am - how utterly creepy and obviously just a ploy to see her in her bikini and get his end away. Vomit.

Don't think he ever got around to asking her - think she thought better of seeing him again and didn't contact him. Shame, I'm sure there's nothing she would have liked more than to meet a strange man in her scanties at dawn in an isolated area

JosieRosie · 30/12/2010 13:47

Oh and bathbuns, you have had one lucky escape, my luv! And never ever think it's just you

Gay40 · 30/12/2010 13:54

I'm always amazed at men who think these ploys will ever work.

GreenButton · 30/12/2010 14:08

A guy who I became friends with on a evening course years ago, started telling me one coffee break time how he liked to go to this Swingers Club in London and would I like to go too?

Er..no thanks!

Gay40 · 30/12/2010 14:17

A friend of mine went on a date where the blokes stared at her tits all night, said very little all night then at the end of the date asked if he could see them.
Second date fail.

atswimtwolengths · 30/12/2010 14:19

OK I have one too!

I met someone online but hadn't met him face to face - we lived several hundred miles apart.

My dad had a health problem and ended up in hospital - he needed a pacemaker but as I'm sure you realise there was intense worry before this. I told this knobhead man about my dad and how worried I was that he would die.

The next time we spoke I let him talk for about an hour (there was no stopping him) - he hadn't mentioned my dad. Bear in mind the last time we had spoken I thought he would die. So after I'd heard all about his diet and his procrastinations, I said, 'Oh my dad is in hospital - he's had a pacemaker and is absolutely fine.'

'Oh,' he said. 'I had my suit cleaned, too.' (He sounded pissed off.)

'What for?'

'For the funeral. I thought I'd take you there and could meet all your family at the same time.'

No word of thank god he's ok, I was worried for you/him, nothing. I half-expected him to bill me for the dry cleaning.

Gay40 · 30/12/2010 14:24

We should have a lovely dates thread too, to balance it out.

I've not been on a bad date - I must be very lucky - plenty of dates where we have not been right for each other, even as friends, but no real horror stories. Those come from my friends. Another friend told me how her first date bloke told her all about his genital warts.

Original poster

bathbuns · 30/12/2010 14:29

Thank you JosieRosie!
And oh my god atswim!

I'm really curious. If most people met a new guy and liked him but he had fetishes involving wanting to be urinated on and imagining his students present while he was sexually humiliated (another one of this guy's fantasies).... would that be a dealbreaker for most people? I know these kind of fetishes are present only in a minority - but I'm just not sure to what extent I'm alone in thinking I want nothing more to do with someone who is into that. Generally I do think of myself as being quite liberal and up for exploring things. I've never heard of friends being in this situation.

OP posts:

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