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Original poster

What is the biggest thing you've ever forgiven?

72 replies

lololizzy · 26/12/2010 22:46

I didn't know what category to use for this but chose Relationships because most likely to strike a chord on this subject though it could be forgiving anything/anyone.
What is the biggest wrong (done to you) that you have genuinely forgiven? And by that, i mean accepting an apology/offering forgiveness/or just making peace with yourself by deciding to forgive.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerisFucked · 27/12/2010 14:08

I am very unforgiving too

it is a fault of mine

K12Mom · 27/12/2010 14:08

I am glad I am not the only one, nogreatexpectations. Although having said that, I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

Snorbs · 27/12/2010 14:12

Myself for staying in an abusive relationship for way too long.

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 14:12

I'm not sure I have forgiven Sad.

AnyFuckerisFucked · 27/12/2010 14:13

snorbs, I have done that too, it was a long time ago though

Snorbs · 27/12/2010 14:22

I found that forgiving myself was way more important for me than forgiving my ex for the abuse. Indeed, I've never set out to deliberately forgive my ex; rather, once I'd forgiven myself, what my ex had done no longer seemed particularly important. It was something that happened but that chapter of my life is now finished and I've moved on to a new chapter.

Worked wonders for me.

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 14:23

AF - why are you fucked?

Ormirian · 27/12/2010 14:26

I've never had anything major to forgive. Thanks goodness. I tend to forgive or forget minor 'crimes' quite easily but that's easy. I guess it's not so easy to forgive the big stuff.

justabit · 27/12/2010 14:29

I suppose it depends whether forgiven is an active or a passive process. For me I am not sure that I truly forgive but I am able to say (right now at least) that everything brought me to here and here is good. Maybe I need to think about this some more.....

sungirltan · 27/12/2010 14:32

dh chatting to a girl on fb who he knew had a big thing for him and was envious of me. he chatted to her late at night following a row and took her phone number.

he didn't use it but she couldn't wait and texted him the next day begging to meet up asap. i found the ocnversation and sent her some v nasty messages. i am justified i believe. she then promptly made more ocntact with him to complain about me. how sisterly of her.

it was a one off afaik but i am almost ashamed i forgave that.

Secretwishescometrue · 27/12/2010 14:33

Somedays I think I have forgiven my mother for my childhood of lies and awful awful things she made me believe and poisoned my mind with and some times it just bubbles over in me and hurts too much and I realise I'm still not there and maybe never will be... I think iv forgiven my father for being a useless excuse for a parent and for drowning his life away in the bottom of a bottle but I still can't have him near me. That goes for both of them actually, I find it easier when I keep my life very far from them. :( I have forgiven my little sister for not talkin to me when I was really ill during my pg with ds1 as she was young and my mother was filling her head with rubbish. I have forgiven my Dh for lot little stuff, just the usual couple stuff really. Thinking about it I suppose I really am quite unforgiving too when it comes to the big stuff :(

sungirltan · 27/12/2010 14:38

k12mom - i wish i could forgive/forget dh's occasioanl porn use. its only occasionally and it doesn't really impinge on our relationship at all. i just hate porn and what it represents and i cant forgive dh for not being able to see the ethical problem with it :-(

anyfucker - i forgive my mum for sticking with my dad as long as she did. she was scared she would lose me and i would be stuck with him (more likely at the time - pre CA 89). i will never forgive my dad, for anything. my two then grown up sisters who bloody well knew what was going on who turned a blind eye on the other hand...........

AnyFuckerisFucked · 27/12/2010 14:52

fab...I am "fucked" as in "tired" thanks for asking Xmas Smile

sgt...I don't think I forgive my mum, not really

nor for the fact that she is still with him, enduring his awfulness and excusing it, which means I fucking have to, if I want any relationship with her

snorbs, that sounds a really sensible and mature way to look at things < aspires >

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 15:01

That is good. wasn't worried really. Blush

Malificence · 27/12/2010 15:01

I don't forgive, ever, if someone has wronged me, I cut them out of my life and don't give them another thought.

Some things are completely unforgivable imho.

I'm aghast that some posters could forgive their husbands getting OW pregnant, that would be pretty much top of my unforgivable things list!

Doha · 27/12/2010 15:03

Mum putting me up for adoption but keeping my brother

AnyFuckerisFucked · 27/12/2010 15:03

thanks fab, I will change it back soon (when I catch up on sleep)

mal...I would dread ever getting on the wrong side of you < scared > (although I agree with the pg OW one)

sungirltan · 27/12/2010 15:13

af - totally understand :-(

maristella · 27/12/2010 15:16

hmm for me forgiveness has come from understanding why i was wronged, and feeling secure that it would not happen again.

it's about understanding the motives.

for example 2 of the best friends i have ever had both wronged me. friend A lets me down repeatedly, friend B let me down just once. friend A is still so important to me; she has been through hell and back in the last couple of years, and goes off the rails every so often, drinking to escape where she is at. friend B calmly and collectedly was nasty, vindictive and downright spiteful at a time when i was at my most vulnerable; she won't get the chance again as i don't tryst her at all. the difference is that friend A doesn't want to let me down, she certainly doesn't want to hurt me.

in relationships i have tried to forgive by trying to forget, but in the absence of a commitment to change i have been unable to forgive and move forward.

snowcake · 28/12/2010 05:58

Doha, that is horrible. Sad.

I don't think I'm very forgiving either. I definitely hold grudges. I wish I could let go more.

epicfail · 28/12/2010 06:25

I have forgiven myself for feeling that I didnt love my children enough when I had PND. I have forgiven myself for wanting to get away from them at every opportunity, for wanting to palm them off into anyone and everyone else's arms and for not interacting with them as much as I should have. I always met their physical needs, but sometimes could do no more.

It was bloody hard to acknowledge that I was not myself and to put it behind me.

Generally I am not very forgiving - I still hold grudges against DH for some things that others might consider quite minor - but they were things that really hurt me at the time and I dont seem able to get past them.

FanjoForTheMincePies · 28/12/2010 07:31

My mum's EXTREMELY harsh treatment of me as a child

CinnabarRed · 28/12/2010 13:43

My father. For reacting to the news my Mum had been diagnosed with a terminal condition by starting an affair with his best friend's wife (while said best friend was himself dying of cancer), then commiting suicide when the OW broke it off.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 17:20

CR...what a fucking bastard your father was

melezka · 28/12/2010 17:29

Cinnabar...Doha...ohhhhhhhhhhhh Sad