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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I hate my family

39 replies

XmasNewName · 26/12/2010 19:31

I'm a name changer but can mention fruit shoots/Greggs sausage rolls/Moldies/SheWhoMustNotBeNamed if need be.

When I was 13 I was abused by a relation. My mother was aware of this and ostriched. When I became upset and angry over the following months I was sent to boarding school. I left home at 16 because my mother moved this relation into the house for a year (he had nowhere else to go, apparently), and started living in the local YMCA, had a relationship with a drug dealer who thumped me now and then, the usual. I realised at 19 that this was a one way route to nowhere so I went and got some A levels, sorted myself out, went to university and met someone lovely and now have a child/family/life. I've got past it and it is now mostly something that happened, not who I am. There are cracks and weaknesses still but I have a happy life and much to live for.

My relationship with the family has always been difficult. I never had Xmas with them as he was always invited and though they all knew, they said they wanted to make it clear they weren't taking sides by asking us both, which in effect meant I couldn't go. He is deaf and has some mental health issues so they felt a certain degree of sympathy over his problems. I was told what had happened was sadly very common in families and I needed to accept it was in the past and move on. I was told this from 16 onwards, despite the fact that he behaved in a predatory way to a deaf girl with a mental age of 12 and another girl who was suffering a psychotic episode (he was "kind to her" and took her out to the cinema etc; it transpired he was pressuring her into unwanted sexual contact). My family are enormously fucked up; nobody except one aunt is on speaking terms with every other member and my mother, very justifiably actually, has no contact with her own mother. Everyone is divorced in the older generation except for one couple, who seem to hate each other and really should be.

At university this relation managed to find my email (as he worked internally at another uni in their IT dep't) and send me a jolly one asking how I was and how much he'd like to see me. I was completely terrified and sickened by this. DH who was then my boyfriend emailed back saying my family were all gutless but he was not and if this individual ever contacted me again, the next contact with anyone at all would be at a police station explaining why he had abused a child. The relation was apoplectic with rage - fw the email to some of my family as evidence of persecution - but since then he has left me alone. DH was then and has remained extremely protective and assertive with them all on this area.

My mother has never respected my wishes and feelings on this one. It was therapy that meant I was able to draw a line in the sand over it - a shrink told me at 17 that nobody had ever protected me, and that my mother was plainly incapable of it (she also allowed a boyfriend to exile us kids to our room when I was 8, because he was jealous and wanted her to himself, she used to pretend to call social services to have us taken into care as a discipline measure, she hit us extremely hard, the usual I suppose when a single parent is really unable to cope at all). My mother is now someone who has worked really hard on herself and freely admits to all this and is apologetic and in many ways wonderfully supportive, but her blind spot is still this relation.

Due to work problems and then money ones, we had to sell the house and relocate. We rent a house now and couldn't find one that took a dog. This relation used to beat up my old dog, so when my mother offered to rehome ours DH sat her down and asked for her word that the dog would never, under any circumstances, be alone with this relation. The dog is a pedigree and a sought after one, and we pay for full Petplan insurance, so we could have rehomed her elsewhere, but my DS adores her and my mother has him overnight every week so it seemed a good compromise. (DH also told my mother when DS was born that if the relation so much as laid eyes on his son, she would never see me or the baby again.)

My mother adores DS and he her, and so I arranged Christmas around her needs. As she wants to spend Xmas day with the relation, I planned an Xmas meal on Christmas Eve so she could do stocking opening as well on Xmas morning before she left. This was for my son mostly as I don't want him to realise there is an issue - he loves his Granny and I foster that she also dotes on him. A cousin and her husband, both of whom I'm fond of and close to and who know the situation, were also invited.

While cooking I heard a report on the radio about anti-freeze and road salt killing pets, and asked Mum to call the friend who had the dog to ask her to bathe her paws after walks. Mum made an excuse. I said I really thought it mattered and then she said, dog was not with that friend. I asked where dog was. Dog was in her house, alone, with relation.

I didn't say anything. I just relayed that to DH, who said he was going to make other housing arrangements for the dog as soon as possible. When I carried the food into the living room I heard my mother say, aggressively to him, "you're just biased. Your opinion isn't worthwhile." I stopped dead and asked what was being discussed and she said, "nothing." I repeated, what, and she said, "the dog." At that point I started to shout at her - biased? I should bloody well hope so! She said it was years ago and I needed to get over it, and to my horror my cousin joined it and agreed and said the dog would be fine. I said he'd beaten up my other dog and enjoyed scaring her over water etc and she said that was years ago and she'd trust him with her own cat so what was my problem.

Things got out of hand and I started asking if she'd been backed against a fucking wall having someone grope her, and if she had phobias about people sitting on her duvet trapping her under it, and if she absolulutely had to shower every day, and a range of other things I won't bore you all with. I went to my room and cried and DH basically told them all exactly what he thought. My cousin's husband came to see me and was lovely - basically said that cousin just can't deal with conflict and meant to help, and added that my family are mad and always handle conflict by pressuring the victim to STFU. The thing I find hardest there is that I have driven to see that cousin for miles at 2 am when she had a crisis, leaving my tiny baby son behind with DH. Yet in this situation I got sod all support. Mum started demanding a taxi and DH turned to her and said she was not the victim here, to stop her usual efforts at playing it. He did try to get her a taxi as he wanted shot of her but it wasn't possible at 8 pm on Xmas Eve at short notice so I served dinner and we all did what my family always does; pretended everything was ticketyboo.

I talked to Mum very early on Xmas morning and she said at first that she didn't think I'd mind, then said she'd called loads of kennels and none could house the dog. When I asked why she hadn't just not come she had no answer. She said we'd not asked her never to leave the dog with him alone but DH explicitly did and so did I. When I pointed out that we leave DS in her sole care and how can we after this, she was appalled and said he was teh most precious thing in the world to her and the dog was just a dog, no comparison and she would never let this relation anywhere near DS. But the problem is she left ME with him when she knew, so how the hell can I believe her? We left it on better terms and she was supposed to be coming here on Tues to babysit as prearranged, but tbh I just don't want to see her. I feel sick at the idea. I know she and DS have their own relationship now and I must respect that but I feel sick at seeing her or him having any more contact because I just can't see how the hell I can trust her now? She has never shown an ounce of respect for my wishes over the years - my possessions given to this relation when he moved house and Mum thought he could do with them, nobody asking me a damn thing about it, etc - yet she has always disgusied my contact details in her phone book as well, so at some level she is aware he is unsafe to me and mine. But that being so, what the hell happened with the dog?!

DH doesn't want her allowed sole charge of DS again. Tbh I am thisclose to severing all contact with the lot of them. I am just so confused and don't know how reasonable I am being - they've all been so consistent in saying I have over reacted for so long, but DS thinks they are a child protection nightmare and getting rid of the lot of them would be a very good move indeed. But they're my family and I do love them. And I have no other family. My father is even worse (violent and a clinical narcissist - this is all my mother's side.)

I'm sorry this is so long and so jumbled. Believe it or not I am usually a sane and articulate and reasonable poster. My head is just in bits right now.

OP posts:
registrationdetails · 26/12/2010 19:39

Your mother didn't put you first and protect you. You can't trust her to put your ds first and so you don't let her have him on your own. It's simple and I speak from experience but some people won't like it.

Sorry you're having a bad time.

registrationdetails · 26/12/2010 19:39

That should read 'her' own.

Silverbaubleonatree · 26/12/2010 19:44

cut all contact. Jesus Christ - if the relation was abusing you and your mother knew, and still maintains a relationship with him/her - I am lost for words.

Cut them out of your life and put your energies into your lovely DH and DS.

you don't need them and they certainly don't deserve you xxxx

carrotcake29 · 26/12/2010 20:05

I absolutely agree. You do not owe her anything. Stop all contact. It will be awful for your ds at first, but she is not a respectable person or a caring person and therefore should not be in his life at all. Do what is best for YOUR family once and for all. It is the only way you can be free of everything. xxxx

atswimtwolengths · 26/12/2010 20:07

Your DH is an absolute hero! I think I love him!

I wouldn't trust your mother at all. This relation obvious has her enthralled. She loves your son, but if I were you I'd only let her see him when you are there. I don't really believe that she wouldn't take him to meet the relation if he requested it.

She behaved in an absolutely appalling way when you were a child and I'm amazed that you were able to forge a good relationship with her afterwards. Can I ask whether this is her father? If it's a distant relation I really can't understand her at all.

As far as the dog goes, I wouldn't ever arrange for it to be left with your mum again. I'm sorry she's proved so untrustworthy.

BubbaAndBump · 26/12/2010 20:26

With silverbauble and others on this - your own mother hasn't protected you nor respected the understandable fear you have of this relation. You are good to allow the contact to continue with her and your DS and good for him not to recognise the relationship issues. If anything, I would allow her to see him still, but on your terms and at your house (or somewhere neutral only). She has to understand that her behaviour and reactions to what went on are not normal for a mother.

Also agree with atswim that your DH is a hero.

ThatVikRinA22 · 26/12/2010 20:37

i cant only say that when i cut all contact with my family for similar reasons, i felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. that was 10 years ago and i have never ever regretted it. things are so much easier now.

ThatVikRinA22 · 26/12/2010 20:38

*can only say....
that should read can!

welshbyrd · 26/12/2010 20:39

Your mother is a disgrace
What morals could she possibly be learning you DS? to take a blind eye to abuse?

FakePlasticTrees · 26/12/2010 20:56

Do not let your DS be alone in your mother's charge.

You only had your mother to protect you and she failed. Your DS has you to protect him - don't risk failing - cut her from his life.

Xales · 26/12/2010 21:00

Why do you trust your mother with your DS she failed you completely. Her attitude about what happened to you is forget it. Not exactly I am sorry please forgive me.

My mother wanted my step-father back when she found out he was dying. My child would not have gone within 20 miles of her house had that happened.

There is no way in hell I would trust my child with someone who had treated me that way or suggested I was over reacting.

Guitargirl · 26/12/2010 21:10

OP - that sounds horrendous the whole thing. It's terrible that you have had to go through all of this with your family being so useless in any support or protection. You seem like a very strong person, well, let's face it you have not been left with much choice but to be strong Sad.

Please don't leave your son alone at your Mum's house. I can understand that you would like them to have a good relationship but she can still visit him at your place where there is no danger that your abusive relative will have access.

Miggsie · 26/12/2010 21:16

Your mother is not fit to wipe your boots and she should not be left alone with any child as she clearly has no love or morals. It is not your fault your mother is appalling, but you can protect your son from a dreadful grandmother.

My mother protected me from an abusive uncle for years, it was kept from me at the time and only came out after her death, she took on a lot of family hostility by keeping me away from family gatherings, but she loved me and I will always respect her. You must protect your child from your mother, basically one of your family is a criminal and should be in jail, keep your son away from them.

pink4ever · 26/12/2010 22:41

OMG you are worried about a fecking dog but will leave your ds alone with this vile women? Where the hell are your priorities? Your son had every chance of being exposed to the relative who abused you,as you clearly cannot trust a word this vile being says. You say you have had counselling but you clearly need alot more if you honestly think it is a good idea for your ds to maintain a relationship with this hag. Your mother failed you and you are failing your son-fact. Please for gods sake listen to your dh and cut all ties.

NonnoMum · 26/12/2010 22:48

I don't know much about this. But I do know that your DH sounds wonderful...

dobiegirl · 26/12/2010 22:52

Pink4ever - I don't think you should call her mother a hag! The poster is allowed to criticise her own mother and ask for support on these boards however I don't believe you have the right to insult her mother no matter what she tells us - she does, but you don't!!

pink4ever · 26/12/2010 23:00

Eh dobiegirl-She has posted on here looking for peoples OPINIONS.Mine is that her mother is a vile,twisted.sick old bag of sh*t who allowed her dd to be abused and continues to abuse her IMO by maintaining a relationship with the piece of crap who done the deed. Furthermore they(op and the hag) are possible exposing another child to this abuser!
So get the feck down off your high horse!!!!!!!!

dobiegirl · 26/12/2010 23:06

Well Pink that might be your opinion, but I still maintain that YOU personally shouldn't slag off her family with vile insulting names - she can do that, but you shouldn't - I am sure the poster knows not to expose her children to an abuser!!

I just think maybe you need to c a l m down a little bit and try to express yourself in a less tongue tied, body tied, irate, sensationalised fashion that does nobody any good and makes everyone feel jittery and on edge!!!

That is just my opinion. Wink

pink4ever · 26/12/2010 23:11

Good for you dobiegirl! Give yourself a pat on the back for being so level headed. I have strong feelings on the subject on abuse and again IMO the op is exposing her child to potential abuse by letting the thing that spawned her have a relationship with her ds. OOPs am becoming tongue tied again so must leave prontoHmm

dobiegirl · 26/12/2010 23:15
Smile
tb · 26/12/2010 23:16

Xmasnew - my dm invited a friend and her husband to stay in our house for 2 weeks when I was 13. He had abused me when we were staying with them when I was 8 - my mother had used him as a babysitter less than a week after meeting them in the States.

Fortunately I've never been in your position - she disowned me in 1992, and dd is only 13. DH and I decided that, she would never have access to her gd, for dd's safety, and as a result of our responsibility to protect her.

I couldn't blame you, for not letting her have either your dog, or your dc in her home or anywhere else near the relation that abused you.

It took me years from the first abuse to go to the police, sadly too late, because of fear. The fear of being judged because of someone else's wrong, is very strong.

However, you have a dh who sounds brilliant, and in your place I would seriously consider only allowing contact with your dc at your house or a neutral address. There may even be pet sitting organisations that could act as 'foster carers' for your dog, with access and the possibility to have your dog back when are living somewhere you could have your dog with you.

Best of luck, I'm sure there will be a way to work this out that's best for you.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/12/2010 23:33

Xmasnewname, you have been through a lot. You are still confused and in a lot of pain. At the moment you find it easy to project your feelings of needing protection onto your dog. It is easy and it is a coping mechanism for you. However, let's get real for a minute: If you can't trust someone with a dog, you certainly can't trust them with your child.

Now that that is out of the way, lets have a wee look at your situation. As a child you were sexually, mentally and emotionally abused. You say that your relative had no where to go, neither did you. Your family should have been there to protect you. To teach you. To support you. They weren't.

They did wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You were strong. You coped and survived. Admirably.

Maybe now it is time for you to look for help. Not help to survive (you did that), not help to make you a good person (you are totally that). But help to understand what went on and what it meant to you and then help to move on. It may mean breaking contact with your family. It may mean working out boundaries and enforcing them. It will mean you finding a happier, safer and more contented future for you and your current family.

Ask your GP for a referal to counselling. You not only need it, you deserve it.

Good LuckSmile.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/12/2010 23:38

Pink4ever, I think you could also do with some counselling. In the meantime, stop attacking and blaming OPs who have problems.

coldtits · 26/12/2010 23:53

Trust your husband's judgement implicitly. He sounds like a good man. I would cut all contact,. you cannot trust her at all.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 27/12/2010 00:19

Cutting contact would be the logical thing to do.

Your family ought to be bloody grateful you don't call the bloody police. I actually think you should consider it, as the others you know he abused were powerless to report it. He is a seriously sick bastard, to carry on and pursue you years later? Ew!

Pink, have read a couple of your posts, and do kind of get what you are trying to say, but perhaps your delivery leaves much to be desired.

OP, don't let her have your DC, don't let her have your dog, not while she allows this relative space in her life over you, her daughter that he abused.

Trust your DH, cut contact with these people and take each day as it comes, i guarantee it'll get better when you rid yourself of these people.

Use Christmas 2010 as the catalyst.