I am a regular poster but have name changed for this due to obvious reasons. If you think you know who I am please don't out me.
I have been with DH for 16 years and he has always had a temper. 3 years ago he developed a degenerative back condition which means he does not get much sleep and developed clinical depression as a result of being unable to work. It also came to light recently that he was abused as a child by a teenager where he lived but he refuses to talk to me or anyone else about this. I was also abused as a child so I understand he might not want to talk to me about this but bottling it up is making everything slowly worse.
However, he has always had a temper so although it has been worse over the last few years it is also nothing new.
I am doing my masters at the moment which will enable me to get a better paid job to support us but the workload is immense and I am incredibly stressed about everything. We have 2 DC's and I also do most things for them. I also organise all our finances because DH ran up credit card debts last year without telling me and lied about how much housing benefit he was receiving into his bank because he was buying cannabis which he says helps with the pain and helps him to sleep. I forgave him for this because he was besides himself over what he had done and full of self loathing and remorse.
A couple of days ago he had a friend over and we had a phone call from Virgin asking if we wanted up upgrade our phone package. As the phone is in DP's name and he was speaking with the agent I asked him to get it in wiritng because money is quite tight at the moment and I get quite stressed trying to work it all out at the end of the month so anything extra needs careful consideration. However when he finally got off the phone he had already agreed to it. I said to him in front of his friend that he shouldn't have done it, that I am under enough stress as it is at the moment and that it isn't him who has to work out all our money at the end of the month. With that he phoned back and cancelled it then flew into a completw range calling me a stupid bitch a fucking twat and said if I didn't get out of his face he would headbut me. Apparently I had belittled him in front of his friend and made him look stupid, I should have waited until his friend was gone. I was crying and his friend did nothing. Maybe he was embarrased who knows but afterwards told DH that he shouldn't have spoke to me like that but I was in the wrong too and my reaction was OTT. He then asked another friend who said the same thing.
He had a GP appointment yesterday who knows about his anger issues as he is on a waiting list for anger management. I asked him to tell the GP what he had done to get some perspective and the fucking GP said that I should respect what DH is going through and shouldn't wind him up. So now DH thinks I am over reacting and I just want to scream and cry because I know that I am not. Why the fuck is everyone condoning his actions? What about what I am going through. No-one seems to care just how upset I am over this and I am crying now as I type this.
I can't talk to my friends about this, I wouldnt know where to start and I am due to meet with my personal tutor soon at uni which we are expected to do once a semester and I am terrified I will burst into tears and not be able to stop.
I might not get a chance to write back on here for a while but I am not a troll. I just wanted to write this down because I am starting to doubt myself. Oh and one of my major pieces of uni work is the role of social work and domestic violence. How fucking ironic. It seems I can help everyone but myself 