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Original poster

Boyfriend says we "need a chat"

57 replies

frazzle26 · 14/12/2010 03:54

Feeling rather sad tonight and have come online as I cac't sleep hence being online at 03:49. My bf came over last night for dinner and was due to stay the night but when I woke up about 45 mins ago he'd gone. I called him and he said he'd gone home as he couldn't sleep. I was very upset about this, part of it was prob just because I just woken up as well as the annoyance of him actually going without telling me.

He then said that he thought we needed "to talk". He then went on to say that he hadn't been feeling right about things for a while and didn't know what he wants for the future. TBH, I've been getting this vibe from him for a while (we've been going out for just over 2 months) but I really like him and I don't want us to split.

Just want sympathy more than anything lol!! Think the outcome is fairly inevitable with it being such a new relationship.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 16/12/2010 12:09

Well done for dumping. If you hadn't it would have been the start of a relationship with a headfucker, player. You sound like a strong person, I'm sure you'll find someone else. Shit for it to happen just before Xmas though.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/12/2010 12:29

sorry it didnt work out, but agree if having doubts in first few months when things should be rosy, then no hope

go forth and snog under the mistletoe x

allgonebellyup · 16/12/2010 13:42

i wish i had your strength to be honest!!

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 16/12/2010 13:49

Well done you, certainly not the one for you.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 16/12/2010 15:34

I'm totally gutted but he can't be the right one if he's acting like this. I'm just about to go and delete his number from my phone so there's no temptation to text/phone him either. Thanks for all your support guys. Just feeling really low at the mo. All i want is a lovely man and my dream of a really happy family life with more children just seems so far away right now :-(

OP posts:
superv1xen · 16/12/2010 15:42

definitely delete his number.

he isnt the right one and he is not a nice person. it isnt you, its HIM, he will treat all his girlfriends this way and hopefully probably end up old and alone.

you will meet someone nice. and in the meantime, you can still be happy single, and have a happy family life, a single parent family is still a family.

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 16/12/2010 15:56

27

Listen to me lovely, you can see this one of two ways. Either, 'Oh hell, another crap boyfriend, a divorce, all on my own, I'll never settle down, it's lonely, this sucks and I am sad and pissed off' or 'Wow thank God I didn't waste valuable time on that loser, got rid of one, won't be making that mistake again, am wiser and stronger because of it, I'm only 27, have my whole life ahead of me to do exactly what I want, to find the man who is worthy of me, when I am good and ready, and time to let down my hair and have fun, with no whinging hasbeen to cramp my style, life is fabulous, I am fabulour

Which one? Xmas Grin

PS You did great!

StuffingGoldBrass · 16/12/2010 16:11

Normally I'm on the side of the person who ses no need to rush into commitment. However, this bloke is a knob you are well rid of.
Either he's utterly spineless and indecisive, or (sadly most likely) he was keeping his options open WRT another woman; she knocked him back and he thought he might try his luck with you again or (worst-case if you hadn't been as tough and smart as you clearly are) the idea was to make you uneasy, distressed and therefore desperately grateful when he announced he wants to commit after all, so he could feel in charge of the whole relationship, and able to clutch his nuts brow every now and again and say that he isn;t sure if he reeeeeeeaaaalllly loves you just for the fun of watching you scurry around in circles trying to please him.

You're 27, there are lots of men out there and lots of time too. You did the right thing binning this loser and you've recalibrated your knob radar properly. Next time you meet a knob, you'll spot the telltale signs even sooner and walk on by.
Well done.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 16/12/2010 16:28

Love your post perfume and thanks again to everyone else for your kind words. I must admit that before i met this chap i was despairing of ever meeting anyone and then he turned up (literally out of the blue). Although he wasn't the right one i guess i must try and remember that it does happen and hopefully one day when it happens it will be with the right man :-)

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dogfish · 16/12/2010 16:40

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megsophandemma · 16/12/2010 17:19

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dogfish · 16/12/2010 17:29

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Beamur · 16/12/2010 17:38

I'm not going to judge your ex. It sounds like he was having doubts and in that case, you're probably both best out of this one.

Well done you though for being decisive and drawing the line, delete his number if you think you might make an unwise call.
You will meet someone else, I'm not sure there is a 'perfect man' out there, but it's good to hold out for someone you click with and treats you how you want to be treated.

BlueFergie · 16/12/2010 17:56

'All i want is a lovely man and my dream of a really happy family life with more children just seems so far away right now
:-('

You are nearer to it now than you were when you were with this loser

Ditch the wrong bloke is step 1 in achieving the dream. Good luck

Original poster
frazzle26 · 16/12/2010 18:29

I guess it is step 1 because if I'm with the wrong one then if the right one came along then i couldn't snap him up tee hee!! I'm feeling loads better already tbh. At least i didn't let him string me along for ages.

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 16/12/2010 18:51

Look, when you are dating someone who is obviously nuts about you (or desperate for a committed relationship and not fussy about who with), the kind thing to do is politely but firmly dump them and move on, not fanny around telling them you're not sure about them for a week or so.

BlueFergie · 16/12/2010 20:33

Its step 1 because you are never going to get to the dream with that person. So you are on the wrong path and need to get off it before heading down the right one. You may be back at the start but that is better than heading in the wrong direction altogether.

SleightiesChick · 16/12/2010 20:37

Yep, if he's not sure what he's doing you're better off ending it now. You two just aren't a good match. Good decision.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 16/12/2010 21:01

Well the search is on tee hee!! That's one more frog out of the way on my search for my prince!!

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 17/12/2010 11:13

The best way to meet someone is to stop looking, apparently! Hmm

I for one, (once i have found the balls to end my shoddy fling), will be steering clear of men for a looooooooong time Smile

ginnny · 17/12/2010 11:59

Oh Frazzle - I'm sorry things didn't work out. I remember you from the new relationship thread too.
FWIW you did the right thing and I agree with SGB.
Onwards and Upwards!!!

superv1xen · 17/12/2010 13:04

in my experience if someone is really into you they don't "not know what they want" etc, they are full on crazy about you from the start, want to see you all the time etc and know what they want, which is YOU.

also, have you ever read "he's just not that into you" ? its a brilliant read and i swear by it when dating. if you haven't, buy it and read it immediately.

although i get married to my (crazy-about-me-from-the-start) man in 6 weeks time so i hope i won't ever need it again lol :o

Original poster
frazzle26 · 17/12/2010 13:29

I did stop looking allgonebellyup. My exbf was a paramedic who came to my house on a job!! He literally knocked on the door after my son had dialled 999. So your idea of the best way to find someone is to stop looking definitely holds water.

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 18/12/2010 09:41

Hey, your thread encouraged me to ditch my shitty on/off fling. I hadnt heard from him for 3 days anyway, tried calling- no answer.
So just sent him an email telling him its over and not to contact me again.
I feel really sad but i know its for the best.
Thanks!

Original poster
frazzle26 · 18/12/2010 11:02

Well done allgonebellyup. I'm really proud of you!! We can now be depressed together :-(

We just need to both remain strong and hopefully someone lovely will be out there somewhere x

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