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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

please help me understand this...

61 replies

findingthisdifficult · 13/12/2010 21:03

There is this man - someone I used to be friends with but didn't know very well and I bumped into him recently. I think he's quite nice - not sure I'd want a relationship/fling with him but maybe... Anyway he suggested we went for a drink another time and we became friends on facebook. On facebook he said to let him know when I was free to go for a drink and gave me his phone number. (He knows I am a single parent by the way).

(By the way, as a single parent it's not easy to go out - takes a bit of planning but I have got a baby sitter this Friday).

I left it a few weeks before texting him because I have been busy and this is our bizarre conversation;

me; Hi, x did you get my message on fb? hope you're well.

him; haven't been on for a while. I'll have a look after I've had a bath. I'm guessing it didn't say you were popping round with bubble bath!

me; err no! and prob not worth looking now as I just said I thought you worked most evenings?

him; why you interested what I do at night?I'm like you, work all day and get bored most nights. Thats the zeros for you much preferred the 90's.

me; if you look at our conversation on fb you'll see why I said that. By the way I don't work all day and get bored at night!!

him;how would you describe yourself? if your not the lonely single type, do you have bubble bath and candles every night?

me; well thanks 4 describing me as lonely single type!

him; happiest people I know. They just take what they need and give back as much as they take and enjoy the flow. Seriously though, I don't really know you but always thought you were interesting though...

me; ok you're forgiven. Not lonely and only recently single though.

him; been longer that I care to mention - planning to get back in the saddle soon. If you do know any bored, lonely, available women let me know.

me; yeah will do but can't think of any though. What about yyy but don't think she's lonely though. but I may be free for a drink on friday to catch up if you're free.

him; She's not really my type. Prefer women with a bit more if you know what I mean. anyway, unless you're going to pop round, I guess this is goodnight. Sweet dreams.

me; did you read end of my message - I said I may be free on friday to catch up?

him; yes I did. Just thought you might like to catch up sooner. All this texting stuff is fun but I prefer the real thing and thought you were the same crazy type you liked the real thing! Night babes. XXX

can you help me make sense of this cos I would like a fling possibly with him but am confused. I didn't reply to last one by the way.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 13/12/2010 21:42

Exactly, he knows your circumstances yet he still expects you to re-arrange your life to have a quickie with him.

He's a user and a loser.

But on the plus side, you've got a free Friday night. Go out with your friends. Have fun. Enjoy yourself.

Have a good one.

Gay40 · 13/12/2010 21:46

I do despair. The message is loud and clear. He fancied a fuck and you were playing "drinks on Friday".
Cheque please.

SerendipitousHarlot · 13/12/2010 21:47

Gay40 Grin

findingthisdifficult · 13/12/2010 21:50

ok thanks everyone. I know it sounds stupid but why couldn't he have seen drinks on friday is the only way to a fuck if you are tied to a house with a child in it!!! Not that it would now of course!

OP posts:
perfumeditsawonderfullife · 13/12/2010 21:58

Oh dear. Right, he was not interested in Friday, he wanted sex right there and then. Even if he didn't get laid there and then, he most certainly didn't want to be tied to only you for company on Friday. Someone else might have come along, either before the 'date' or on the date, and being the kind of wild and crazee guy he likes to think he is, that would have cramped his style. He wants to be available to sleep with whomever takes him on, as and when it happens. Why sit chatting and getting to know someone he has no intention of seeing again? He wants anonymous sex.

findingthisdifficult · 13/12/2010 21:59

Gay40 - are you gay and 40 - just wondering if women behave like this? is it just (some) men? I can't see women being such tossers?!

OP posts:
findingthisdifficult · 13/12/2010 22:03

perfumeditsawonderfullife - ok thanks for your take on it.

OP posts:
Teaandchristmascakeplease · 13/12/2010 22:05

Perfumed's probably pretty spot on.

AuntBessieIsComingForXmas · 13/12/2010 22:16

He has a small penis and thinks that no woman could resist him/he's wonderful.

Can you make use of the babysitter and go out and have a lovely eve with some friends instead?

ChippingIn · 13/12/2010 23:01

They just take what they need and give back as much as they take and enjoy the flow.

planning to get back in the saddle soon.

If you do know any bored, lonely, available women let me know.

unless you're going to pop round, I guess this is goodnight.

All this texting stuff is fun but I prefer the real thing and thought you were the same crazy type you liked the real thing! Night babes. XXX

OK - so which of those sentences makes you think he is even remotely interested in anything but a quick fuck right now?

Which of those sentences makes you think he wants to fuck you as opposed to anything in a skirt?

Christ woman have some dignity.

There is nothing wrong with sex for sex sake (IMO) but sex with someone who doesn't even fancy you? Someone who would literally fuck Mrs Doubtfire if she was offering?

It is not 'perfumeds' take on it - it is unanimous!!!!

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 13/12/2010 23:09

ChippingIn is right, we all think this.

UnlikelyCrackerzonian · 13/12/2010 23:11

God this thread has made me feel old.

I am old. But I have this small child in tow!! Xmas Confused

Tell him to fuck off OP. He writes like a ponce.

emmyloulou · 13/12/2010 23:12

Good god he is an utter dick.

He doesn't want to go for drinks with you, he does not want you to open your mouth unless it's for BJ.

This man has no interest in spending time with you unless you are fucking, that's why he does not want to go for drinks. You could be anyone, he does not want to know you!

Delete him and his no, eugh.

Catchthewind · 14/12/2010 05:33

He sounds like a bitter, misogynistic, angry bastard.

Sorry Sad

You are better than this eejit.

berries · 14/12/2010 13:38

He wants the physical sensation and doesn't matter who with. That's fine if that's what you want. If, however, you're like lots (maybe most?) other women and actually want to like the other person, even if it is just casual sex, then he's not for you.

Gay40 · 14/12/2010 14:32

Finding, I am gay and 40, yes.
Unfortunately some women are tossers too. Statistically there must be. I've only met a few and they are best avoided.
To be honest, I probably have been that tosser to a few women as well - particularly in the "look, I just don't want a relationship" situation, by which I mean: I don't want a relationship.

Some people just cannot hear it.
But we digress. Tosspottery is not gender specific, but at least women tend to understand how other women think. And fuck.

Gay40 · 14/12/2010 14:34

We shouldn't assume drinks on Friday is the route to a fuck either. He was probably thinking - why do we have to go through this charade of drinks. Let's fuck now and cut to the chase.
However, as a parent, not that easy just to up sticks and drop pants.

UnlikelyCrackerzonian · 14/12/2010 18:58

Gay40 you sound just my type. I am in love with you and want to have your children.

Gay47hesatosser · 14/12/2010 19:02

Hi girls. I am Gay40's fantasy. Take no notice of him. He has just been diagnosed with WD. Sad

ohdearyme11 · 14/12/2010 19:12

Actually, when I read the conversation I thought you sounded quite arsey with him and not fun.

He was only flirting me thinks and you didn't bit.

Taghain · 14/12/2010 19:12

He's not very good at subtle courtship, is he?

I find it difficult to take hints too, but really - her turned down the offer of meeting on Friday without suggesting any alternative except an instant shag? Ugh

ohdearyme11 · 14/12/2010 19:12

Bite not bit.

tartyhighheels · 14/12/2010 19:21

Babes..............enough said!

Lucky escape lady

Teaandchristmascakeplease · 14/12/2010 19:31

Gay47hesatosser what is WD? Also Gay40 is a "she" not a he as I understand it.

Gay47hesatosser · 14/12/2010 19:54

WD is Wankers Disease. Nuff said.