What sort of MIL will YOU be?

[charliecat]

Or what do you hope you will be anyway...

Depends who they end up with. Tongue-bitingly critical if choose a tosser.

i hope that i:

1. keep my opinions to myself unless asked
2. if asked for my opinion, always make sure i say "this is what worked for me, but different situations call for different solutions, so it may not be the best solution for you"
3. never ever ever ever tell my son or spouse they are doing something wrong
4. never ever ever ever manipulate them into doing something i want (shame, guilt, blackmail etc)
5. always ask "what can i do to help?" and then never complain about what they say
6. never judge

I hope they will find me approachable & will want to ask my advice, ask me for help and WANT to come & stay/visit.

I dont think I will be interfering but who knows - maybe old age does that to you!!

why?
what do you trhink you'll be like?

LOL at Tinker's answer

I won't ever be a mother-in-law cos I have no children

i hope to be fair and treat my daughters other halfs according to their behaviour, there are times i have appreciated my mother interfering as i have choosen some absolute tossers in my time, not that she ever told me to leave them but she was always supportive when i was with/ without them. now i have a lovely dp and she loves him to bits, like a son so i hope i can have that kind of relationship with my son in laws when the time comes. thinking of it in a gaining a son not losing a daughter kind of way

One that really tries to ingratiate myself with my daughter in law and keeps on her good side, because I am all too keenly aware that my continued access to my son (and any grandchildren) is probably highly dependent upon whether my future daughter in law allows it!

koala, good points! I hope never to judge either, as my parents have never really judged me.

I also hope they will actually want to spend at least some time with me!!!

I also hope that I will not be blind to my son's faults and that I will support my future dil (if I ever have one!) by keeping her side if necessary...

Just to add, I do kind of go with:

"A daughter is a daughter for life,

A son is a son until he gets a wife"

what do you mean, hmc - that I will lose my son forever if he finds himself a partner? Why does that have to be the case?

i'd like to be around as often as needed so my SIL gets a break (and his wife 'back'), but the truth is my partner and i want to bugger off to spain as soon as we retire

A very hands on one if grandchildren were involved.

I would get my daughter in law to one side, say to her how I know your time gets eaten up when you have children, and sometimes, just sometimes, even the most adoring husband does not realise this or if he does, does not take it seriously enough. I would tell her, anything I can do to help her get some time back, just suggest away! Babysitting (if I lived near enough) taking the children for holidays (if I did not live near. I would make it clear to my daughter in law that she is free to suggest ideas to me, I might not always say yes, but would not blame her for asking. And she needn't be worried I would assume my son - her husband - would always be around to help her. I would not think she was casting aspersions about my darling son's fatherly abilities if she asked me to help out. Now I wonder where I got that all these ideas from......

oh, i forgot - R.E.S.P.E.C.T
respect them as adults, parents, human beings

those of you who read my MIL and SIL thread will know what i mean

I believe that is more likely to happen with sons than with daughters if the son marries a woman who isn't keen.... A general observation that it is often the wife in a relationship who 'manages' family relationships and organises visits / contact with grandparents.

My own brother has neglected my parents since he got married to - a none to pleasant - woman (my SIL)

Sorry, that message was a reply to teavee

Actually thinking about it now i wouldnt mind being like my (almost) mil she is lovely always helps us out with money or babysitting and not because we ask all the time its cuz they offer and they love having my dd (who is not their son's) now im pg with our baby and they cannot do enough for us, they are taking dd1 on holiday and they said if we get someone to look after dd2 (who will be 11mths old) they will pay for us to have a weekend away (cant believe how nice they are and its not like theyre loaded either) also when his dad retires they want to take the whole family to greece for 2 weeks!

they are just so kind caring and thoughtful and im glad they are in my life

better than the one I've got.

She might be an evil, spitful, selfish, hardnosed, acholholic bitch BUT at least she's taught me how to be a good MIL because I'd never be like her.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... let's see

Well I would expect the children and their partners to keep me in the style in which I would like to become accustomed.

So... rather than me inflicting myself on them all for months at a time... they can build me a lovely large house in the Seychelles (near the sea) and they can come out to me.

I wouldn't interfere with the child-raising... Well I'll be pretty knackered after raising 5 of my own lmao. Also am far too lazy to want to bring up their offspring.

Nope... nice familial visits for me. They do all the travelling.

I would however expect regular flowers and all Mother's days, grandmother days, birthdays and pretty much every celebration to be marked by my receiving gifts.

lalalalalalala
not thinking about it

walking away sticking fingers in ears humming loudly

the saying you quoted does strike a chord, unfortunately, hmc - my bil has given up all his 'duties' towards his own family since he teamed up with his partner. He's crap like that, and my dp feels sad that our ds never sees his french cousin.
why should sons get away with that though? all parents will need caring for when they're older , will want to see their grandchildren etc - what if you have only boys, does that mean you're 'cut off' when they find a partner?

It won't be an issue.

He is not getting married, he is going to stay at home and love him Mummy, we don't need anyone else.

mad rocking emotion

HMC
hope you're not my SIL as Im sure DH's family think Im the wicked witch
we hardly ever see DH family BUT contrary to what they would like to believe, its all down to him - he travels a lot during the week so cant be bothered to drive to see them, and doesnt really want them coming down to ours either.
Im sure they blame me but its not my fault, 'onest guv

My sp started blaming his sil for the fact that bil never comes to see us, but I put him straight by reminding him that his bil is opinionated enough (believe me!) to make up his own mind about such things and that he's often passed near us (on his own) to pick up his dd from his in-laws and not bothered to call by - it's hurtful to my dp, but he just has to accept that his brother is nno longer v bothered about his family

DP not sp!!!!