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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Who can settle an arguement????

37 replies

brownbunny · 26/09/2005 21:01

My DH and i argue all the time about this can any one tell me that i'm right! On a night out if a woman excepts a drink brought for her by a man thats ok it's just a drink! But if a man ie my DH buys a woman a drink it's not ok because he obviously is after something else! Does any one agree or am i completely out of order on this one!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 26/09/2005 21:02

Depends on the man...and the woman

Has your DH been buying women drinks?

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 26/09/2005 21:02

i dont agree with attatched people regardless of sex buying a stranger a drink full stop..... why would they if they werent after something?!

mummytosteven · 26/09/2005 21:02

i'ld have thought unless you were in a group situation where courtesy demanded the offer (a round say) or if the people involved were friends then either way I would think hmmmmmm

starlover · 26/09/2005 21:02

i think if a man buys a woman a drink it SHOULD just be a drink

but unfortunately i think for the most part there is an ulterior motive

but that in part is that if you are interested in someone, and you are in a pub or whatever then a good way to get chatting to them is to offer a drink!

SherlockLGJ · 26/09/2005 21:02

HUH

[Confused emotion]

skinnycow · 26/09/2005 21:02

hmmmm.... may stay out of this one!

seriously, i guess he's thinking about it fromt he man's POV which means he's after something so I guess if a man buys you solely a drink (as opposed to a group of you) then its only as ok as your man buying another woman a drink

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 21:06

ok in a round, ok if she is a mate who is skint, not ok otherwise. or at least cant think of any other ok scenarios.

dp would not object at all to me accepting drinks, its a simple budgeting decision for me! similarly i would be v disappointed in him turning one down.

newmumhelp · 26/09/2005 21:11

I don't really think its ok either way. I would only accept a drink off a man if he was with one of my friends, or was trying to pull her. Might as well cash in on the free drinks too in that case. But if a man offered to buy me a drink, i wouldn't accept as 99 % of the time, they want more than a drink, which is why i would not be amused if i found out dp was buying women drinks!

Original poster
brownbunny · 26/09/2005 21:12

Suppose your right skinnycow! No Don't think DH has been buying girls drinks! But the point crops up especially after a night out with the girls!I'm of the opinion it's ok to accept a drink if i make it clear it's only a drink! But i think that the bloke who offers to buy the drink is often after more than just being friendly! make sense??

OP posts:
newmumhelp · 26/09/2005 21:14

Makes sense yes, but if you know this, then surely your DH could see this as you encouraging them? Even though you've told them its just a drink, i'm sure they still think otherwise

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 21:16

of course they are after more then a drink! my attitude is, if they think they can take advantage of you for the price of a drink they deserve to be taken advantage of themselves. i find drink buying rather insulting.

blueteddy · 26/09/2005 21:17

We have had this discussion too!
I don't think accepting a drink from a man is the same as a bloke going out of his way to buy a girl a drink, personally.
If a bloke buys a woman a drink, it often means he fancies her & wants to try his luck, but the woman accepting a drink, could easily say "Thanks a lot" & move on!
However, I do think you should be careful accepting drinks from people you don't know, due to the risk of date rape drugs etc.

blueteddy · 26/09/2005 21:18

I agree with you there gigglinggoblin!

Rhubarb · 26/09/2005 21:19

Good point newmumhelp, if you know that they are after something else, then you shouldn't really accept unless you want the same thing.

  1. It's not fair on the bloke to get his hopes up.
  2. Your dh now knows that you accept drinks from blokes who want to shag you.
  3. Saying no isn't enough sometimes, refusing the drink would be much better.
newmumhelp · 26/09/2005 21:22

This is true Rhubarb. If you refuse the drink and walk off, no problem. But i have accepted a drink before when i was single, and then tried to walk off. Not quite so easy to do after they've brought you a drink. They think you owe them something. This happened when i was out with my friend, these two guys followed us all night. Even to get a taxi. Got quite scary. Extreme situation i know, but it does happen

aloha · 26/09/2005 21:22

When I'm out with friends I don't flirt with strange men and I wouldn't accept drinks from them. I'm married to my husband and would be horrified if he went out and started chatting up random women.

pjsmum · 26/09/2005 21:23

I get your point brown bunny, its a tough one. I wouldn't accept drink cos can't be bothered with the whole it was just a drink but he thinks theres more to it scenario. Wouldn't like dp to be buying drink for other women ( that he doesn't know) cos we are skint and cos i think it looks dogdy

Original poster
brownbunny · 26/09/2005 21:23

I would never encourage a bloke into thinking anything! i've nothing to hide from DH and if i ever except a drink it's on my terms!
still think the bloke that offers is the bad guy!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
pjsmum · 26/09/2005 21:23

Thats suppose to be dodgy

aloha · 26/09/2005 21:24

Why would you want to get involved with some sleazebag buying you a drink though? I'd rather buy my own drinks and not have to make any kind of conversation with a strange bloke, but enjoy myself and relax with my friends.

newmumhelp · 26/09/2005 21:27

They don't need encouragement though. They tend to think differently to women. If a woman talks to a bloke, he thinks he's finally found someone that wants to sleep with him...well, in general that is. Either that or i've met some rather desperate men in my time!

munz · 26/09/2005 21:28

well, I wouldn't be impressed if DH went up to a girl in the bar and bought her a drink etc he didn't know, in fact that would be serious problems, however it would be if a guy bought one for me etc. but if he knows the girl from work or what ever and it's a round for round/she's not got any money etc and all the lads are buying drinks then don't have an issue with that.

vickitiredmum · 26/09/2005 21:34

There are lots of scenarios where this could be ok, and lots where it wouldnt. Does very much depend on the individual circumstances.

Rhubarb · 26/09/2005 21:37

If the bloke who offers the drink is the bad guy, why do you accept?

Original poster
brownbunny · 26/09/2005 21:44

This was just a disscussion to settle an arguement obviously there are a hundred different scenarios! most blokes are after just one thing doesn't mean they are going to get it though! just trying to make a point to DH but seems that not every one follows the same line of thinking!!! just like to add am very happily married not in the habit of regularly accepting drinks from strangers! only good looking ones with bulging wallets!!!! ha ha ha only kidding!

OP posts: