Taking phone into bathroom

[RawDEal]

sorry for name change
would you be suspicious if your oh took his mobile into the bathroom with him when he went for a bath or shower? he never leaves it lying around unless he's nearby and when he gets a bath he takes it in there with him. Tonight I saw the outline of the phone in his dressing gown pocket as he was going into the bathroom so said "why do you always take your phone in the bathroom??" and he got quite defensive and said "I don't, my wallet is my pocket too because I have nowhere else to put them" in an entire house he has nowhere else to put a wallet and a phone while he gets a bath??
so as he was getting ready for his bath I noticed he put his wallet on the mantelpience but not his phone so I said "remember your phone when you get in the bath" a little sarcastically and he said "actually I'm taking it in there to play games on"
so should I be suspicuous then? I have looked on it before and there was never anything dodgy but why is he so protective over it? I know he deletes messages and texts at wierd times (like when he's on toilet, door locked etc).
But I never find anything incriminating. Maybe he's TRYING to make me paranoid??

Thing is, robberbutton, you only get to the point of trying to work things out after 'having it out' so to speak. It would be handy if, in real life, we could short-circuit all the double-crosssing & counter-spying by saying THIS - the secrecy - is unacceptable and, unless it's all laid out on the table NOW, there will be no issue to discuss.

Which is exactly where I'll be coming from if I have the misfortune to find myself in that situation again! Took a while to get there though ...

I completely agree Grace, the OP def shouldn't start playing games. I was lucky in that it was only 4 days after I'd admitted to myself that H was almost definitely cheating on me before I got proof, and that was only by accident. Our friend is travelling, H had left his phone off silent, so when a text went off at midnight I genuinely thought it might be our friend. Funnily enough though, I said to myself 'if you go and look at his phone now, your life will be over'. So of course part of me knew.

But I think it would have been worse (if that's imaginable) if I'd given H the opportunity to lie and he took it. I think if it's easy to do, the OP should look at the phone and then confront OH.

Oh, I see. So he's got form for compulsive lying? And his phone is on silent and he's acting like a child would, when another is trying to copy his work (hiding the screen)?

I would think there is definitely something on there then, that he doesn't want you to see. However, he knows you're suspicious now, so box clever here. Do you have access to his bills? If he's not registered for online billing, you can register him for this service as long as you've got an old bill with the account number on it. You can then access up to 2 years' worth of bills.

I fully expect he will start deleting all his texts, but if you do get on the phone, check for hidden folders and also the gallery for photos. Check the log for numbers dialled and change the settings if you can, to save more history than the default. He will never notice that.

My phone never leaves my side. I take it with me to the bathroom, shower etc sleep with it under my pillow, nobody else uses it unless I am right next to them and I take it straight back from them.
I read and delete all text messages and replies.
You would never know who is who in my phonebook as I never call anyone by their name they all have nicknames.
My message tone is silent, ringer isn't but as it is always with me thats not a problem.

Am I having an affair as well??

my ex used to do this when he was keeping stuff from me. if we were getting on (rare) he would just leave it in the kitchen/coffee table/hall etc but if we hadn't been getting on he would keep it in his pocket and then take it into the bathroom when he showered. he had a habit of texting girls he knew when we had a row. he is so obvious i am embarassed for him.

also always on silent. i used to stealthily reach over him when he slept so i could read his messages.

and the deleting messages thing. i never delete messages until the box is full and flashing. do other people delete all their messages afetr sending?

and you have instincts for a reason, they tell you things so you can protect yourself.

TLES - why??

Theladyevenstar, I have no idea if you're having an affair or not, but you do sound utterly obsessive-compulsive.

is it a mobile or blackberry??

If it's a blackberry check the Messenger application and look at his contacts... The messages are free so don't show on any bills - he'll no doubt have deleted the conversations but a look at the contact list will let you who is listed.

op, i have no idea about your husband, but wanted to say that my dh takes his phone everywhere with him..in the loo, the bath, when watching tv, in bed etc.. he is gaming constantly on it, or using forums etc, and i am positive he's not having an affair.....he is just in love with his phone!

i hope its not what you are fearing.

He could just be looking at porn in the bathroom.

"I take mine as my friends text me at all times and also as there is no clock in there"

But why do you feel that you need to be contactable at all times? I don't get it. I actively like it that sometimes people can't get hold of me. I need me time with no interaction with other people from time to time.

I always switch my mobile off at night (we have a landline) and don't always remember to switch my mobile on during the day. I don't take my mobile on holiday either.

Sorry I'm another who has my phone on me, usually on silent and it nearly always goes in to the bathroom with me, I started this message inbed and and now on the sofa via making a cup of tea. Some phones, like me iPhone, do kinda become unputdownable. Not everything about the is conclusive.

You do need to look at the phone for you own piecemof mind, I'd look for the paper bill rather than set up online billing it can sto the paper bills.

which phone is it op??

does he have facebook also? any clues there.....its accesible by phone.

Like others, I have no idea why some people are surgically attached to their phones, other than the malevolent reasons suspected in this case. However, IME, the people who are tend to be so self-absorbed, that they fail to recognise how bad-mannered they are, when in company, or towards their life partner.

These are the individuals who are constantly playing with their phones when you are trying to converse, or who blithely interrupt conversations so they can read yet another inane joke sent to their phone - and reply.

If anyone has the temerity to call them on this behaviour, they react defensively and with scorn and derision. Often there are other behaviours that smack of similar selfishness and disrespect, towards a partner or close friends.

If you do behave like this with your phone TheLadyEvenStar has anyone ever called you on it, or commented that it is disrespectful and unsettling to even the most trusting of partners? Why do you think you act like this?

agree with checking it in the night. I have done this before in the past, but my DP was a very heavy sleeper and I was able to sneak round to his side of the bed and take the phone into the bathroom with me.

wouldnt it have a passcode/lock on the phone??

Can't believe how some people are about their phones on this thread. Sometimes I sling mine in my handbag and forget to look at it all day. Real life sort of gets in the way.

OP - it doesn't sound good though. If he can see you're anxious about why he is hiding it, he should be reassuring you, not making out that you're the weird one for questioning him - another classic sign, turning things around.

There was a thread a couple of weeks ago, wasn't there, where someone was worried because her DH took his phone in the bathroom. She was reassured that it was most unlikely to be anything sinister in the context of his general behaviour. With this one, though, the H is looking kind of shifty so yes, much more suspicious. If he's got form for dishonesty he can hardly get all righteous about not being trusted.

Where are the posters who are infuriated and revolted at suggestions the OP should take a sneak look at his phone/say she should do him a favour by leaving because it can't be any fun living with a paranoid bitch? I miss them.

See my phone as a necessary evil. I think it's alarming how attached some people get tbh. It can also be so rude when you're with someone and they're constantly fiddling on their phones.

Having said that, the phone into the bathroom thing was one of the first signs of XH's affair. Sorry. I think the key thing is whether they've always done that or if their behaviour has changed.

I forget to check my phone for days at a time. I never go for a bath without a book, though.

In itself it's not suspicious, DH and I both take our phones in the bathroom

But neither of us are defensive about it, we use each other's phones for games, calls etc.

I think you should check.

WhenwillIfeelnormal With me its because before my dad died, we needed to be easily reachable. My dad was disabled and could fall or fall ill at any time. Old habits die hard

TLES, you don't need to have an affair. You are having a co-dependent relationship already.

With your phone.