Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what would you think of this?

40 replies

QueenofDreams · 04/12/2010 01:00

It was DP's work Christmas do last night (toight?) He said he was unsure whether to go due to weather as he has a commute.He Decided to go in the ed, saying that as long as he left by 9.30 ish he would be ok, but that later trains had been cancelled due to the snow. He said he would call when he left.

As yet, he has not called. I have tried calling a few times over the last 90 minutes, and his phone is going straight through to voicemail. So I have no idea where he is, but assume he will not be getting home tonight. I am 37 weeks pregnant, have a poorly toddler to look after, and to cap it all off it is now my birthday.

Am asolutely fucking fuming. Am I being unreasonable?

Am I being paranoid wondering why the hell his phone is off?

OP posts:
Tortington · 04/12/2010 01:09

hes left his phone off cos hes pissed up having a brilliant time and doesn't want grief from you.

hes deffo been a wanker, either go and say 'im going to get pissed, shall be having a good time and will miss your birthday'

or don't go

but going getting pissed making up some shit excuse as he will that his phone wasn't charged and he couldnt get back becuase of the snow

its poor

Original poster
QueenofDreams · 04/12/2010 01:16

THink I'm going to go to bed, lock the door and leave the key in the lock so he can't get in (whenever he deigns to arrive)

OP posts:
Rachy91 · 04/12/2010 01:21

id so do that!

typical man! ive got one very similar an they have no idea or respect. has he done owt like this before? if he gets back in time, dump the kids on him, dress yaself up an have a fab birthday with the girls! dont take his excuses but dont argue with him cus itll ruin your bday just keave him there an deal with him later

happy bday btw :)

catsinthebelfry · 04/12/2010 01:33

He's just gone off the leash (sorry, don't mean you're a leash) for a bit. He might have left his phone somewhere/no signal etc. Silly not to have said how late he'll be. Don't lock him out, it's freezing and he'll be majorly suffering with a hangover tomorrow. I should play lots of nice (loud, not his favourite) music all morning to celebrate your birthday.

MyDH doesn't have a phone. It means however he has no "no signal" excuses"!

Rachy91 · 04/12/2010 02:05

sorry catsinthe(jingle)belfry :p im gonna have to disagree, the man needs to be tought! IME men like him (and like mine) will walk over you if you let them an leaving him to look after the kiddies while hes suffering and your enjoyin your bday with your mates will be perfect :)

catsinthejinglebelfry · 04/12/2010 02:10

Can't argue with that, really but I still wouldn't lock him out not in this. I'd make him suffer in some devious way tomorrow (today) though, which might be letting him look after the kids but remember they won't be happy if he's totally totally hungover and incapable of dealing with them (not letting him off the hook, just thinking about how it will play out, not suggesting he would be derelict in his looking after just a bit rubbish and then someone has to sort it all out).

Original poster
QueenofDreams · 04/12/2010 02:17

cats we live very close to his mum so if he has any sense he'll go knock on her door. And then she'll give him a bollocking on my behalf!

OP posts:
catsinthejinglebelfry · 04/12/2010 02:23

QoD: are you worried about him or just cross? I bet he's just got pissed and will be majorly remorseful tomorrow. You're not really locking him out are you?

catsinthejinglebelfry · 04/12/2010 02:24

BTW, I'm not sticking up for him, he's obviously being an arse for not letting you know what he's up to.

Original poster
QueenofDreams · 04/12/2010 02:32

both! Worried and cross.

OP posts:
catsinthejinglebelfry · 04/12/2010 02:43

Well: On the worried front, he's really certainly to be ok, but is totally inconsiderate. But after the fifth cocktail and party game (can you tell I loathe works parties?) he'll have forgotten all about that. Probably crashing at some bloke's house and will be baffled in the morning.

On the cross front. Yes, you will be cross and also (think positive) can store up favours/free passes/ whatever for some time to come on the back of this. Every cloud....

needafootmassage · 04/12/2010 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

proudnscary · 04/12/2010 08:37

You know however frustrating this was, and I would have been fuming too, it's more than possible his phone was out of charge and he missed last train etc blah etc.

I can imagine my husband doing this. He either wouldn't think of borrowing a phone to call me or would think 'yikes is it that late?? She'll just rant at me, I'll have another drink and deal with this in the morning'.

But you being heavily pg and it being your birthday...I feel for you! Men can be incredibly blind sometimes.

emmyloulou · 04/12/2010 08:46

Lots of people writing this off as normal blokey behaviour, it's not he is a shit, doubly so being pregnant and your birthday.

I have to say if this were me, it would be the end of the relationship. Staying out all night without so much as a phonecall is inexusable and a shocking lack of respect.

Original poster
QueenofDreams · 04/12/2010 10:17

emmy I have to say I am wodering if I even want him back now. It's the lack of respect that gets me.

If he'd been this way whe we got together or at any point before we had DS I would not be with him. I did not get together with a party guy, I got together with a guy who likes the quiet pleasures in life.

He is still not back, his phone is still off. I've called his sister in London, and she hasn't heard from him. If he was stranded, why would he not go stay with her?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/12/2010 10:21

He's obviously found somewhere to stay, and phones off because he doesn't want you spoiling his fun. I'd be livid

LadyLapsang · 04/12/2010 11:51

I would think he had a good time at the Christmas do, had a bit to drink, lost sight of the time and ended up not being able to get back. I think he should have given you a call so you knew he was safe though.

PlumBumandBaublesMum · 04/12/2010 11:57

agree with Ladylapsang

Is his phone off or ringing out? my phone is a bit crap when it comes to signal and battery so I wouldn't assume he has switched it off

Happy Birthday BTW

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 04/12/2010 12:01

He is bang out of order!

Happy Birthday OP x

Reality · 04/12/2010 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality · 04/12/2010 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 04/12/2010 12:35

I suspect from your posts that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that he has been under-invested in your relationship for some time. It speaks volumes that he chose to go on a night out, when you are incapacitated somewhat because of your pregnancy, your other child is ill and it's your birthday today. A caring partner would have said "stuff the do" and would have stayed at home.

The fact that he hasn't even got the respect for you to let you know if he is safe and okay speaks even more of total detachment from you.

I should warn you OP that when people are this under-invested, it is a small step to being unfaithful. Sometimes the infidelity itself triggers the detachment and sometimes it's the other way around. Sorry. I hope you get to spend your birthday with people who genuinely love and care for you. Sad

Ephiny · 04/12/2010 13:07

I agree he shouldn't have even gone - you're 37 weeks pregnant, I can't imagine what he's thinking leaving you to look after a sick child and do everything yourself, while he goes out drinking.
And at 37 weeks pregnant, you could go into labour and not even able to contact him. Never mind him being able to get home in time to drive you to the hospital, look after your DC etc...

Sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like he has much respect for you, or cares much about your needs.

googoomama · 04/12/2010 15:14

QofD - you ok? Hope so...lots of people on here thinking of you. Much love x

emmyloulou · 04/12/2010 15:19

Quuen, yes that would be the issue with me. I'd have to say reading the post after mine, no question if this were my relationship,it would be over and his bags would be packed.

What a dickhead. ANYTHING could of happened to you at 37 weeks or with an ill dc.

Swipe left for the next trending thread