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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Out of interest - would you be with someone who said they wanted to be with you but...

28 replies

allgonebellyup · 02/12/2010 19:39

they would never be able to show or have feelings?
They want to be a couple with you/get to know your kids well but not have the intimacy with you?
Weird or what?

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 02/12/2010 19:41

No.
What a weird thing to say.
Is this your 'fling'? You are well rid by the sounds of it.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 02/12/2010 19:42

No. i am rid of him.
This is another guy i have got closer to recently but nothing happened yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 02/12/2010 19:43

he says he has been so hurt in the past that he cant ever have feelings again or leave himself wide open again.

OP posts:
iwantavuvezela · 02/12/2010 19:43

I would call that person perhaps a friend .... not a partner .....

BooBooGlass · 02/12/2010 19:45

I really don't like dragging one thread into another, but I remember the first pos tof yours I ever commented on, and it was about your daughter saying she was unhappy about your new relationship. You have only just got rid of one very short lived, totally inappropriate man. Why the rush to get with another totally inappropriate man? I am concerned actually. Why are you so desperate to be with just anyone who comes along?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 02/12/2010 19:46

i know it seems that way booboo!!!

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 02/12/2010 19:47

But why? You really need to ask yourself these questions. Why are you not respecting the wishes of your child and just stop dating for a bit. What is so desperately terrible about being on your own?

spidookly · 02/12/2010 19:49

No, not weird.

Not deep, or interesting.

Just tedious self-indulgent shite.

Don't bother.

Seriously.

And don't let this loser meet your children.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 02/12/2010 19:51

ok, thats decided.
i knew he was a cock!

Will go back to enjoying singledom!!

OP posts:
mugggletoeandwine · 02/12/2010 19:53

He means he wants to not commit so he can shag other women.

He's been hurt in the past so has an excuse for this.

Cock.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 02/12/2010 19:53

As Vuvuzela says, if you get on well then friendship could work. But romantically speaking? I'd leave well alone.

He's telling you as clearly as he can that he's damaged and hurting, and in no position to sustain a relationship. Don't set yourself up for the hurt and heartbreak.

I would be grateful he's had the decency to be so honest; and then move on.

Take care and I wish you all the best.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/12/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 02/12/2010 20:54

PLAYER....

get. rid.

don't. look. back.

hairyfairylights · 02/12/2010 21:05

Run several miles as fast as you possibly can. Why would you want to be with him???!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/12/2010 21:06

Look, AGBU, you said you were going to enjoy singledom after the last time you hooked up with a fuckwit

I think you need to step the fuck away from stupid men and find out why you keep getting attacted to them

StuffingGoldBrass · 02/12/2010 22:38

Yes, STOP DATING. For at least a year. You need to sort yourself out, get some boundaries, get to the point where you are perfectly happy being single. ONly then are you ready to date, because only then will you be able to detect and dump losers, because any man you date will have to be worth your time.

As to this man, he is telling you the truth, that all that's on offer is a shag or two. He's being honest, fair play to him, but that doesn't mean you should shag him.

dignified · 02/12/2010 22:48

Groan , ive heard this line a thousand times. They set it up as some sort of challenge and theyre usually headworkers who enjoy playing games . When you object they state you knew this about them at the start. Avoid and run.

I second what Boo says , id give dating a miss for a while. Theres a really really good book called Living With The Dominater ( im not for one minuite saying youve been abused by the way) but its a brilliant book , detailing men like the Headworker , The victim ,The Shagger , and tells you what charecteristics to avoid .

Its part of a programme by womans aid , but i actually think it should be given out in schools . Its funny in places , with little funny sketches and its straight to the point . Its currently making the rounds around my freinds and we all recognise some of the charecters in that book.

granhands · 02/12/2010 23:37

I think that when people say bad things about themselves they are usually telling the truth and we could all avoid alot of pain by listening and believing them.

Don't think that someone who says this type of thing can be mended by "the love of a good woman", they can't and probably don't feel they need fixing.

Steer clear, he's a bad 'un.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 03/12/2010 08:09

Can i just mention that after i split from my ex dh i was single for 3 years, out of choice?? im hardly desperate!
Just had one r-ship after him then was single for another year!

Anyway, like i said, i will leave the cock well alone...

OP posts:
gardenglory · 03/12/2010 08:23

Dignified - what about when someone tells you stuff like that in a long relationship, but they remain with you?

gardenglory · 03/12/2010 08:37

At least, OP, he made it clear, at the start, that he did not want to get into a relationship.

PonceyMcPonce · 03/12/2010 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 03/12/2010 08:50

He just text me saying he DOES want to be in a relationship with me and wants to be with me. He wants me to meet his mates soon.

Told him to F**K right off !!

OP posts:
cory · 03/12/2010 09:00

It's not just men either. Close relative of mine ended up with a woman who spelled out very clearly that she had been hurt in the past and therefore she would take care that it wasn't her that got hurt this time. He should have run a mile. He didn't. Sad

Anyone who thinks they have a right to punish you for/treat you in a way defined by a previous relationship that went wrong is basically bad news.

spidookly · 03/12/2010 09:13

Well done.

He's playing games - giving as little as he can get away with

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