Hi PF
just a message of hope really, I met DH after being on my own for a couple of years, no kids, I was an absolute B*H at times, couldn't or didn't want to believe that this amazingly gorgeous bloke would want to stay with me, he could have anyone he wanted, younger, slimmer, sexier - you know the tale.
I'd convinced myself we were here for the short term until he got bored or found something better - he was and is the best looking, funniest, trendiest, hardest working, interesting bloke I'd ever dated. Unbeknown to me I was pushing him away, until one day he got ratty with me and actually said "stop trying to get me to finish with you I'm not going anywhere"
what a beautiful insight ? 9 years on we're married with a couple of kids, he's my soulmate and my back bone, don't get me wrong we have our up's and down's and have had some trying times, but now I couldn't be without him.
the time might not be right for you now, but believe me i truly believe that this day happens for all of us, we may have to kiss a truly horrendous amount of frogs, reading others posts, even have horrendous marriages before this can happen.
I know it feels awful at the moment, i can still recall the pain of broken relationships, if he can't take your apology, feels annoyed by you contacting him, then I personally don't feel that he's right for you, my mum always taught me to be able to look after myself, which I can, but when I find a man make sure he can look after me too - wise words from a late great woman who managed to teach me enough in life to be able to look after me and mine once she was gone.