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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

guys i need an e-hug - sympathy required

33 replies

prettyfly1 · 22/09/2005 13:42

hey. most of you know i started seeing someone a while back and i was so proud to be with him. we split yesterday. i have always had a thing about getting too attached cause of my sons father, realised i was totally craxy in love on friday night and when he was snappy with me on monday i just used it as an excuse eto get out so i would not get hurt. i have noot heard from him since and i know him so i know there is just absolutely no chance whatsoever of him forgiving my ridiculous fear and i know i have to get over it but i am so gutted and tearful. miss him already - how crap is that, i know i sound a bit pathetic but please make me feel a bit better. incidentally i apologised to him. a lot.

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Bugsy2 · 22/09/2005 14:22

Big hug sweetie. Be kind to yourself, it may not all be over yet.

prettyfly1 · 22/09/2005 14:29

oh it it he jsut stated it in a very nice but very definate way.

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prettyfly1 · 22/09/2005 14:29

thankyou by the way, the poor boys in my office jsut dont knwo what hit them

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sanchpanch · 22/09/2005 14:43

so sorry to hear this,
why were you scared to get to attached? dont answer if i am being nosey!

prettyfly1 · 22/09/2005 14:47

My babies father spent seven years trying to destroy everything about me. he is the only other person i have ever loved. i cant believe how much this hurts.

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threejs · 23/09/2005 09:39

if he really likes (loves) you he will be in touch don't be put off from passed relationships your sons father was an a**ehole.

good luck in the future!

TC

threejs · 23/09/2005 09:39

if he really likes (loves) you he will be in touch don't be put off from passed relationships your sons father was an a**ehole.

good luck in the future!

TC

threejs · 23/09/2005 09:40

if he really likes (loves) you he will be in touch don't be put off from passed relationships your sons father was an a**ehole.

good luck in the future!

TC

threejs · 23/09/2005 09:48

sorry for repeating my message computor went wrong and i did'nt know if i sent it!

prettyfly1 · 23/09/2005 14:03

hi babe. i really dont think he thought very much of me at all. he is too stubborn and just wants his own way. i have heard all the fish in the sea stuff and in six months it won tmatter and i know i sound childish but it does. it hurts that i was happy being single for the last two and a half yearsand after giving someone a chance and being persuaded to let them into mine and my sons life they couldnt even care enough to try. i was not worth enough to even think about apologising for. i knwo i will get over it we always do but it still is pretty raw and i just wish i hadnt bloody bothered cause i feel like such a fool.sorry for the rant and thanks for the support.

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mancmum · 23/09/2005 14:12

why don;t you write him a letter to tell him how and why you feel like you do... it might help you work through your issues by writing it down... hope you stop hurting soon..

prettyfly1 · 23/09/2005 14:18

i appreciate the suggestion but he is not really a letter person. he will get really annoyed if he keeps hearing from me as well and to be honest knowing fine well that i cant change his mind i would rather just let it go. it is frustrating because how many of us dont want to kick things and shout but at the end of the day i did start it and i just have to force myself to get over it. being forgiving or even tolerand really are not his strong points

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prettyfly1 · 23/09/2005 15:23

ok now i am gutted. he normally takes me home when its raining. its tipping it down and i have no jacket. fantastic.

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compo · 23/09/2005 15:44

it sounds like you might be better off without him though as he doesn't sound very understanding

Shades1 · 23/09/2005 17:43

Hi PF

just a message of hope really, I met DH after being on my own for a couple of years, no kids, I was an absolute B*H at times, couldn't or didn't want to believe that this amazingly gorgeous bloke would want to stay with me, he could have anyone he wanted, younger, slimmer, sexier - you know the tale.

I'd convinced myself we were here for the short term until he got bored or found something better - he was and is the best looking, funniest, trendiest, hardest working, interesting bloke I'd ever dated. Unbeknown to me I was pushing him away, until one day he got ratty with me and actually said "stop trying to get me to finish with you I'm not going anywhere"

what a beautiful insight ? 9 years on we're married with a couple of kids, he's my soulmate and my back bone, don't get me wrong we have our up's and down's and have had some trying times, but now I couldn't be without him.

the time might not be right for you now, but believe me i truly believe that this day happens for all of us, we may have to kiss a truly horrendous amount of frogs, reading others posts, even have horrendous marriages before this can happen.

I know it feels awful at the moment, i can still recall the pain of broken relationships, if he can't take your apology, feels annoyed by you contacting him, then I personally don't feel that he's right for you, my mum always taught me to be able to look after myself, which I can, but when I find a man make sure he can look after me too - wise words from a late great woman who managed to teach me enough in life to be able to look after me and mine once she was gone.

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 18:04

Great post shades and has maade me feel better too!

threejs · 23/09/2005 19:19

i am going though same sort of thing. at the moment, i won't let anyone
in but my ex partner was a compleat a**ehole, but find it so hard to move on i think to myself if someone like him don't care how can anyone else, but it makes me feel better with people(friends) telling me his the stupid one to give up on me and 3c his loss!!! i have a lot to offer someone who is perpared to put up with me.

SenoraPostrophe · 23/09/2005 19:28

prettyfly - are you fairyfly? (I can't keep up any more).

anyway, b*gger.

fwiw I think the letter suggestion is a good idea - even if you write it but don't send. but you never know - seeing as you're not a letter person it'll make it all the more powerful. and if he just ignores it and gets annoyed, so what?

prettyfly1 · 24/09/2005 10:21

i kind of no what your saying and thanks shades. no i am not ff. we joined at the same time though. i have always been incredibly independent. moved out when i was sixteen etc etc. for teh first time it wasnt like i was unhappy when i was single cause i was but i had met someone i wanted to share myself with. i feel like a real fool though cause i am way to old to believe the whole your so special crap and i did because i wanted to believe it was true. i was so teerified. never been one for believing people who said they fell instantly and i did. i need to be more understanding myself but i cant stop it hurting. i feel pathetic really and am forcing myself to just get on with it becuase there is just no other way to deal with any of it but christ i wish i could just shut everything away.jsut for a little bit. i am so sorry this must be so depressing for you lot!!!!!!!!!!

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prettyfly1 · 24/09/2005 10:52

i also need to learn how to type. sorry guys. and i did want to say how pleased i was that you found who you did shades. he sounds great and a truly romantic story is always good to hear!!!

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carly82 · 24/09/2005 11:29

hi all i was just reading this thread well truth be told i was being nosy and i know all too well how you feel. i spent five years with a man who controlled everthing i done even down to the food i could eat!! he beat me and would use me when he felt like. when my second son was born he left me to get the hospital alone, then the day after dropped me off home and stayed in the pub for six hours!!! i spent months well years crying over him till i realised that i could either spend the rest of my life feeling worthless or i could get out and do something about it, so in december last year i got rid of him! i wont lie and say it was easy to bring up two children under the age of two, but given the chance i would do it all again. because know i have the most wonderful man who never fails to tell me how special i am and respects me for who i am. So although know it seems like your world has fallen apart, you will get through this but do it one day at a time. sorry for waffling i do get carried away sometimes
good luck to you all xxx

prettyfly1 · 24/09/2005 11:48

and to you mate - well done for being so bravexxxx

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HuggyBear · 24/09/2005 12:24

((( prettyfly )))

Nightynight · 24/09/2005 13:24

prettyfly - I have done this to a couple of men as well. I havent had a relationship since dx, but I have started to talk/flirt a couple of times, and then just pulled out with cold feet, scared of getting attached again.

I think it is because underneath, I knew that they werent really the right man.

Divorce is a really bad experience, its normal that you cant just jump into another relationship, even after quite a long time. one day the right man will come along at the right moment, hope it is soon for you.

prettyfly1 · 24/09/2005 15:26

thank you

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