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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you think?

43 replies

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 18:06

I've never gone to an outside source for help and advice like this before but as my partner swears by it, I thought I'd give it a try (and hope she doesn't realise it's me!)

I've always known that I can trust her, I've always known family means everything to her. She never really cared for my family though, she put up them for my sake. My sisters kids are very loud and full of energy, and my BIL (brother in law) is loud and Geordie (no offence to the Geordies on here lol)

Recently though, my partner has been getting more and more friendly with them all. I saw this as a good thing.

Last month though, I noticed my partner and BIL spending a lot more time than usual together. We would be drinking and the two of them would go off into the other room to chat. Texts between the 2 of them have now started and she never let's her phone out of her sight (that's nothing new though lol)

I confronted her about my concerns and she told me to stop being stupid as she doesnt fancy him but they just have the same sense of humour. A few days later he told me she is like a female him and that is why they get on so well.

Last night she went out drinking with him and his friends and didn't get back till after 6am

Today I needed to use her computer and her Windows password had been changed. I called her and fair enough she gave me the new one. I went into Google and pressed the letter "h" and th list of previous searches appeared, the top one was "having an affair with my brother in law"

I text her to find out what was going on and she started having a go at me for "checking up on me". This is after me noticing she has googled the previous love of her life!

She then told me to turn off or it was over between the 2 of us as I shouldn't be checking up on her!

What would you people think/do in my position? I would love to hear a female perspective on this

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 20/11/2010 18:40

What do you want to do?

Do you still trust her?

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/11/2010 18:44

I would ask her about the "Having an affair with my brother-in-law" thing. Did you look at it? What did it say?

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 18:53

I took a quick look and a few links had been clicked. Nothing was written by her though.

I thought I could trust her but I just don't know now. I've had these concerns for a month or so now and yet I still gave her my blessing about going out with him last night.

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 18:58

Is this a wind up? There has been a thread on here very recenty which was deleted as it was to "revaling" about the affair with the BIL....

SHe also got quite a lot of heat, this has to be some elaborate prank right?

emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 18:58

too "revealing"

emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:00

What am I saying ofc it's a wind up, too many coincidences, try harder.

PamelaFlitton · 20/11/2010 19:00

Defo a prank

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 19:03

I swear on my daughters life that I am 100% genuine

Who started the other thread? I did say my girlfriend is on here and I'm wondering....

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:06

Oh and if people are going to tell tall tales it's wise to remember what you have said previously.........

The deleted thread you seem to be having a lot in common with was not called "having an affair with my brother in law"....... but something like, "falling for my bil".

She's shagging him, but you know that right as you did the original thread. It's your sisters OH.

If you are genuine I'm the Pope and I'm sorry Sad

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 19:11

I wish you could believe I am being genuine here. She just raced home from their house after I text her to speak to me. I couldn't bring myself to see her as I was so angry with her and stormed off

She was in the car with my sister and my sister thought I was being stupid. But all I could base my emotions on is what I saw

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:19

To remind you of your previous thread under your other alias, fuckityfuckfuck or something...

BIL and your Mrs say they are the male female version of each other, it's your sisters OH , you both have kids. You then get closer and closer then one night everyone goes home early and you have seedy sex in the car park by the taxi rank.

You want to know what to do as you can feel you are falling for him, but don't want to break up the families. You the ask for the thread to be deleted any more info you want prompting with?

Just for people who may have no knowledge of the original thread here as they can't look it up, for you as a prompt if you forget anything and on the outside chance it's genuine, she is shagging him. I have seen these kind of pranks twice now on MN and I haven't been here loads but I'm replying as I'm bored tbh and I imagine it's already been reported.

PamelaFlitton · 20/11/2010 19:21

emmyloulou, do you think that was entirely wise considering there is a small chance it could be genuine? Better to say nothing than take the risk imo

emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:25

Ahh that's the whole idea isn't it.......get someone to blab about the "deleted thread" which just so happens to be 100% in it's coincidences with this op.

OFC someone is going to link it, then cue fireworks bam, is that not the idea? I don't like gameplaying so may as well get it started. Someone would have. In the mean time lots of posters sit here giving loads ogf advice ignoring other posts when they probably don't know the other thread exists as it was "deleted".....

Doigthebountyeater · 20/11/2010 19:25

I agree Pamela. I don't like trollhunting when there is a chance of someone being pushed over the edge.

PamelaFlitton · 20/11/2010 19:26

Why do you have to do anything emmy? Just ignore it.

Doigthebountyeater · 20/11/2010 19:26

Well Emmy, maybe he does want to find out and this is a way of doing it. In which case I don't blame him.

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 19:29

EmmaLouLou, I never even mentioned the other thread until someone else did! I didn't even know it existed.

One point though, if what you said is true, none of them drive so chances of it being the same person is unlikely

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:30

Well we'll see, I think people who saw the other handily deleted post may think differently but meh, I suppose we'll find out in the coming days as I have reported it....in the meantime cue loads of fighting and a quick running thread for a night times entertainment, job done, have fun!

PamelaFlitton · 20/11/2010 19:31

so not cool

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 19:34

So this is how people react when you ask for advice? Is this the norm for mumsnet?

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:34

Don't pretend you don't think that was the intention of the whole thread Pamela sigh

PamelaFlitton · 20/11/2010 19:35

Well I don't know, do I, and neither do you. Presumably you're just one of those people who spends so long on here you think you can mind-read every poster. Would have been a pretty big fuck up if you'd been wrong

emmyloulou · 20/11/2010 19:35

Now the infighting starts.........so, so predictable, have fun I gotta go get dressed now.

FamilyIssues · 20/11/2010 19:37

Emmyloulou, sorry but you started the arguments in this thread! I asked for advice, you called me allkinds, someone defended me and you tuned on them! The only infighting is from you.

Does anyone else have any constructive advice/thoughts please?

OP posts:
Monkeytoo · 20/11/2010 19:44

Everyone will always accuse you of trolling on here - I think that's a form of trolling itself really. It means you're pretty much only here to try to undermine other posters through your incredible skills of deduction. Funny when you think on the internet who knows who anyone is and if they're being genuine.

Anyway, assuming this is genuine then I would think she is having, or is very close to having an affair based on what you've said above.