would you date a guy in a wheelchair?

[LucidDreamer]

I've recently met a really nice guy who has a spinal cord injury and is in a wheelchair. He has a great personality, a fulfilling career, I'm very attracted to him and he's totally independent. He's asked me out and told me how much he'd like to get to know me. I'm not put off by his disability at all but I can't help wondering how it might be in the future if things get off the ground. We're not spring chickens (early 50s) and I don't really want to end up as a carer (although of course I appreciate that this can easily happen if you're with someone able-bodied as they get older).

Also because of the level of his injury I know that sex would be different (he's totally paralysed from the chest down) but I do admit that having been celibate for over a year I'm not that fussed about sex anyway!Should I give it a go? Would you date someone disabled?

Yes, and I have the hots for a guy with cerebral palsy atm.

Depends how much you like him tbh.

Well, it will either be long term serious relationship or it won't. If it is, hopefully you will love him enough to just care for him without seeing yourself as a carer and as for sex, men have more than a penis for pleasure.

sure.

he could be 'the one'.

Yes. I have in the past. We broke up because he thought I was boring and wanted to stay in too much Moral of story, you can be an idiot on wheels as well as feet.

In terms of sex, you can do more with hands than willies IMHO. :)

In my early twenties I would have said no but now I thnk if I was attracted to him and liked his personality and thought he was independent, then yeah. Actually I know somebody who is married to a man in a wheelchair and she's happy.

Yes I would. I know a guy in a wheelchair who is a friend of a friend and he is gorgeous. I used to have a secret crush on him; secret because he in turn had a secret crush on my friend, so I never did anything about it.

He's getting married next year now. Oh well...

:)

Yes I've gone out with someone in a wheelchair before. He was great fun and we had a real laugh. We never got serious, but that was just circumstances, nothing to do with the chair.

I would not let a wheelchair put me off at all. Go for it!

My husband doesn't like me to go on dates as a rule, but otherwise, yes I would.

Give it a go, for sure. What would you lose?

By the way, I had read an interview with Christopher Reeves where he was saying "Fortunately, male erection is an involuntary reflex" while hinting at his continuing sex life while paralyzed from the neck down and dependent on respiratory machines.

My DP is disabled. He has a spinal condition although serious, not as serious as the guy you describe. I don't believe anybody who says they wouldn't think about it as an issue in the early stages. My experience though is great though that's down to the person in question.

In terms of becoming a carer later on, surely someone who has a disability in their 50s has an ongoing care plan? So scaling it up, if needs be, when he gets older, would be easier than starting from scratch if, say, one became ill etc at 70?

Erm, yes CoteDAzur, wasn't going to go there, but that was my experience as well!

Thank you all so much for your comments and the ones from those with personal experience are very positive. I suppose I'm listening too much to one or two of my friends who say they couldn't. And I mentioned it in passing to my mother and she was semi-horrified that I'd even consider it! Motto, don't tell your mother anything....

Joni, is your DP in a chair?

I would but he'd have to be tremendously good at oral

Sounds like you need someone nice in your life LucidDreamer.

No, but he has 'help' to walk with appliances.

Yes i would, and i also hope ds has no problem finding a gf when he is older due to using a wheelchair

I think you always have to sum up the whole package.

What LynetteScavo says.

yes I would. If I really liked a bloke, a disability wouldn't be the reason I didn't go out with him. It wouldn't matter.

Re care - who knows what's in the future for any of us? Any of us or our partners could end up needing additional support due to accident or ill health. Do we walk away from them? Not if we love them we don't!

If he's a great guy then bloody hell go for it! Not too many of them around don't let one get away from you!