would you date a guy in a wheelchair?

[LucidDreamer]

I've recently met a really nice guy who has a spinal cord injury and is in a wheelchair. He has a great personality, a fulfilling career, I'm very attracted to him and he's totally independent. He's asked me out and told me how much he'd like to get to know me. I'm not put off by his disability at all but I can't help wondering how it might be in the future if things get off the ground. We're not spring chickens (early 50s) and I don't really want to end up as a carer (although of course I appreciate that this can easily happen if you're with someone able-bodied as they get older).

Also because of the level of his injury I know that sex would be different (he's totally paralysed from the chest down) but I do admit that having been celibate for over a year I'm not that fussed about sex anyway!Should I give it a go? Would you date someone disabled?

good lord I really don't think there are enough good one unattached at my age to turn down someone on the grounds they are disabled in some way. I think being cautious is wortwhile at any age/level of disability but you don;t really know what it will be lke until you try it.

As a teenager one of my closest friends had spina bifida who I always thought was a great "catch" and such fun. Sadly though I never fancied him though I sort of wished I did because I think I would have been far better off with him than many of the idiots I ended up with.

My great Aunt had polio as a child and although not as disabled as the man you mentioned, lived an independent life (she was single) well into her 80's and at that point moved into sheltered accomodation, but didn;t ever had a dedicated carer as such.

There was a channel 4 programe about sex & disabilities, doesn't seem to hold men back just a change of position it seemed.

yeah date him, he sounds nice.

And he's paralysed from the waist down, not the neck up - so presumably he has a well functioning tongue

I also had a friend who was severely disabled through thalidomide and died way too young. I was her respite carer for short periods for several years and although I would never have thought it, it really wasn't such a big deal. I'm not suggesting that you want your life to be entirely about caring for someone else 24/7 but tbh she was my friend and helping her out became something very normal and really not that big of a deal.

I'm sure he won't lou, has he always been in a chair?

And agree, it's the whole man I need to look at. He does have the most amazing shoulders and arms - and how I love to be held by a man with big arms!

But yes my mother would have major hissy fit

I'd be thinking carefully, but would go with it. Why not try one date - it's something that could be an issue, but you'll never know if you don't try.

:) at colditz

Kirstie's homemade home programme this week had a lovely couple on it and her partner was paralysed from the chest down. I really enjoyed watching their affection and general interaction. I think you should go for it. As others have said

I would.

There is a friend of my cousins who is in a wheel chair. he was injured in afghan and has a face injury and missing limbs and i swooooooooooon over him. seriously, find him gorgeous. he is a great great guy and if i werent married i would so want to get to know him better.

go for it!!

Just go for it then report back with all the juicy details good or bad

I'd struggle with the altered sex life, to be perfectly honest. That would be the only thing that gave me any hesitation though.

Why EricNorthmansMistress? Is there no disabled access into Ann Summers in your neck of the woods

He's an independent successful bloke. Presumably any care needs he has are being met now, and will be in the future.

I've known several couples where one has been disabled and the care aspect can become an issue. If you talk, it never will be.

I'd say go for it and good luck x

"I'd struggle with the altered sex life, to be perfectly honest" - well given that she's celibate at the moment it seems a high quality problme!

Ever thought that someone in a wheelchair would not want to date some who is mobile ?

That's a bit harsh Doors, isn't the OP saying he does want to in this case?

Eric - I'm trying to think about how different sex would be with someone in a wheelchair, and I can't see that the differences would be bigger than the differences between the non-wheelchair-bound people I've slept with. I think the important thing is, does it work for these two people? They need to find that out for themselves.

There's no shame in trying something and deciding it doesn't work for whatever reason (not necessarily sexual), so what's the problem?

Exactly what Hecate said.

Why not? That's as stupid as an able bodied person not wanting to date someone just because they have a disability.

Or a black person not wanting to date a white person. Just because they're white.

It makes no sense.

Surely the only thing that matters when looking at a potential partner is that you really really like them?

To be entirely honest, I don't think liking someone is enough. But I also don't think you can know, before you've tried, whether there will be enough other than liking, to make it work.

Surely it depends on what you are looking for in a relationship? When I was 20 I might have concentrated more on swinging from the lampshade type of exciting sex. In my 40s I want a nice homelife, mutual respect, affection, a cuddle and the occasional orgasm. All of this should be more than possible in this case?

Oh God - yes of course.

I had a fling with a guy in a wheelchair for a few weeks about this time last year. He didn't want anything serious as he was still just a few years post injury. I'm glad to say we're still good friends.

I can truly say it was one of the best relationships I've ever had We learned to become very inventive....

He is very in touch with his emotions and very supportive of me.

If I'm honest, I did worry about the future -the level of care he might require and how he would cope.

Go for it and let us know how it goes.