The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Players and Supporters Bus

[venusandmars]

Hi I am venus and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to the first thread by Jesuswhatnow I have not had a drink for a long time.

There are lots of us on here, please lurk, post, whatever does it for you. If you are worried about how much you drink and your inability to stop when you want to, then someone on here can probably understand.

dipso as soon as your dad opens the wine, pour yourself an orange juice and sip it. Put some ice cubes in it, and a slice of lemon.

next glass that he pours make yourself a cup of tea, next glass that he pours, go and clean your teeth.

By then there will probably be no wine left, and you will feel really pissed off. But you will be sober, and you will have got through a tough test.

Hi Noteven the sick feeling may well be nerves, you probably won't be sick - you are feeling anxious about the meeting. I haven't been to AA myself, but if your supporter said it is OK to take DD then I am sure it will be fine. You must go and let us know how you get on a lot of people like me who haven't been will be really interested to hear all about it.

Hi to whitenapteen and mouse and any others. I am not ignoring you, it's just that I'm posting while cooking and I'm a bit distracted.

Tonight my lovely friend who I have known ALL my life is coming over for dinner, and I've known her husband for nearly 40 years too. We only see them about once a year but when we do meet up it is just like no time has passed at all. Tomorrow we will be off to brave the wild weather for a walk by the sea.

Venus with all that cooking last night I am sure it will be a feast. It's always lovely to see very old friends.

noteven just keep going a minute at a time - write down your thoughts, write a letter to DD for her first day at school, write to your 16 year old self, clean a toilet, sort washing, close the curtains and soon it will be time to go to AA. AA will be welcoming and supportive. It's ok to be anxious and worried.

mouse there is nothing quite like chip shop chips!

BB how are you doing this autumnal Saturday evening?

Hi all

I have read all of these threads and have a couple of questions you can (hopefully) help me with.

Is a heavy drinker always an alcoholic? I mean, reading on AA website and elsewhere there seems to be a distinction.
A heavy drinker isn't necessarily an alcoholic.

Some people who smoke a lot can just suddenly stop. Can some drinkers?

Is it possible to just cut right back - has anybody just reached the point where they thought 'god, I just can't do this much anymore. I can't even stand the taste. I am going to have a glass of(half decent instead of cheap crap) wine of an evening, none other evenings, and start drinking civilly instead of getting rat arsed for no reason every night just because I can, because I am bored and because I am on my own,' iykwim?

Thanks. I do have other questions too but I am interested in what you ladies think of this distinction between an alcoholic and a heavy drinker as I am confused about it. And yes this is all to do with me not a friend. And I have namechanged. Thanks again.

Hi Whitenapteen recovering from my first burst of Xmas shopping, enjoying looking at all my purchases. DH at twickers as well so wondering what time he will be back...

RWhites everyone is different, but I described myself as a heavy drinker rather than an alcoholic for many years. Now I have admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic, in the past I have cut down, changed what I drink, only drunk on days with a Y in them etc. etc. BUT I have never (until now, I hope) been able to give up. I believe that I am an alcoholic because the drink controls me, not the other way around.

RWhites
I did just stop - but as the result of a 'lightbulb' moment when I realised just how close I had come to destroying what those on the outside would regard as a damn nigh perfect family/home. Am I an alcoholic? By some tests/definitions definitely. Am I a heavy drinker - yes I was. Whatever I might call myself, what I have come to know is that I cannot have that first glass - no matter how decent - because I cannot stop at one. I have promised to cut down in the past but was never successful. Not drinking alcohol is much less of a challenge than trying to stick to just one glass.

My own thoughts are that if you have a concern about your drinking then you probably have a problem with alcohol. How you tackle it is different for everyone.

Not sure if I have answered your question.

Hi R, I really don't know if there is a definite answer to your question, but here is my opinion...

I do think that there can be a difference. Some people appear to be quite heavy drinkers, then they just decide to cut it out, or cut down or whatever, and the appear to manage to do that AND to keep to the new lower level without too mych apparent difficulty. I say 'apparently' because it is impossible to know what it going on in someone else's head, and there may have been times in my life when I looked as though i was cutting down without a problem whereas in reality I was struggling terribly (and it never lasted).

I do think that some people have got into a habit of opening a bottle of wine, in the same way as some people always have a cup of tea when they get home (no matter how late it is) or get into the habit of surfing mumsnet when they are bored. I do still think that changing a habit can be tricky, but it feels a little arkward rather than feeling like mental anguish.

I do not think I fall into that category. When I try to cut down my drinking, I am tormented by it - counting units, working out which days I can or cannot drink, regularly drinking more than i had planned to. That is much more than just adjusting to a new habit I think. I would say that I am an alcoholic. Even when i am not drinking at all I am often thinking about drinking (or about the benefits of not drinking). My sister who is not a problem drinker, does not appear to have those thoughts running through her mind.

If you think you have a problem, then why not experiment (you do not have to be right first time). Try cutting down. Buy a really good bottle and drink ONE glass. If you feel like it have ONE more glass the next night. Then pour the rest away. Notice how you feel. Are you worrying about the waste of money? Really? So why did you not buy a half bottle. Or are you struggling because you want more alcohol? Do you only drink too much when you are bored on your own? If a friend came round would you have a cup of tea and a piece of cake instead, or would you ask them to bring some wine so you can get pissed together.

I can't tell you the answers to any of those questions, and you may not know either. So try it out. Are you drinking tonight? Can you stop? Some on here find it easier than others.

BB I still have the Christmas shop to do, but it is the wrapping I find a chore! Hope DH enjoys the match - not sure what the final score is.

noteven How are you doing?

Did you hear something White?

It's more than fine venus. I hope you have a wonderful evening. You can't beat meeting up with loving friends

Thank you for asking after me. I am quite shaky. Should I be trying to eat? I don't feel like it. I'm frightened about tonight and about taking DD.

Quick hello to everyone - very interesting question RWhites and a simple answer as far as I'm concerned. Alcohol changes me. I do things I wouldn't do if I were sober. I can go days without a drink and then have one or two but there will always come a time when I fuck up. And for me that's enough to tell me I'm an alcoholic. One of my exes was a heavy drinker, down the pub every single night and lots of pints. But he never changed, he just fell asleep in the corner. He never had blackouts or screamed like a banshee in the street.

Thanks Venus, I'm going to have a lovely sparkly soft drink with DD and mum and dad will have precisely one glass each, the way they always do, and I'll ask them to take the bottle back tomorrow and if they don't I'll pour it straight down the sink. Noteven please go to the meeting and when you get back we want to know how you got on.
I promise you'll feel the warmth in the room the minute you enter.

noteven how old is DD, I think she is quite little? Can you take something with you that is a comfort for her, maybe she might sleep? Take some snacks and a drink for her.
Maybe you could try a cup of tea and a biscuit or piece of bread. You may well need a sugar burst - have you some squash or juice or chocolate/sweets.

I definately recommend chocolate, I ate pounds of the stuff in the first couple of weeks, don't need it so much now. It gives you a quick boost.

DH is back and now wants to watch MORE rugby on the TV, I have banned him to another rooms so I can watch Strictly

BB Strictly on here too.

And Jamie's 30 min meal moving in to the second hour - but it will be worth it.

She's almost 4. I will take her some nibbles. I have horrible palpitations.

He has just made me a cup of tea tho!

More anxiety symptons, try to stay calm. How about singing some songs with/to DD - it means you have to breathe and keeps you busy

Hi RWhites

I am trying to answer your question, but this may sound confused. I am honestly not sure if I am 'just' a heavy drinker or if i am an alcoholic. I love drinking, and i hate it. I can start drinking first thing in the morning, and I have NEVER gone off it if i have had flu or food poisoning or anything. I can still drink hard. Yet, when i have decided not to drink, I am fine. I can do it, and i have some nail biting moments, but i can not drink. But, I think I have a major problem, and I am so terribly frightened about my future. I do not want my future lost to drink. I really really do not want my son's memories of me clouded by me being drunk. I know that I am not so many steps from losing everything. it may take a few years, but it is a real possibility.

My husband on the other hand is also a heavy heavy drinker. But he could not care less about it. When I was pregnant, he stopped with me without any problems, and tbh i was angry with him, because I thought he was wasting good drinking time. He can just stop, and not care. i make all sorts of excuses as to why a glass of wine would be good right now. My husband also used to do cocaine and just stopped. He used to be a heavy smoker and just stopped. He has no problems stopping... he just does. He admits himself he is lucky.Me, i have been too scared to try smoking or dugs because i know i could not stop.

I have had a glass of wine already... well, sherry with the inlaws. i thought I would have 'just one'. I am DESPERATE for another. Which is why I came on this thread.

Oh.. and this is why I am SO admiring of noteven. Because I do not yet have the courage to ask for help. And she does.

noteven why not ask DD to choose some books to take and maybe some pencils and paper or a colouring book, a cuddly toy and blanket. Hopefully there will be a quiet corner where she can settle - maybe make a little 'camp' for her.

Palpitations - concentrate on your breathing - maybe in through your nose and out through your mouth - nice and steadily. Have you managed to have a soft drink/cup of tea and something to eat?

Clearandpresent have yourself a long cold soft drink, and stay on board for the evening. Think about the hoped for end of the story - waking up with a clear head tomorrow.

hi BBwanna. Yep. Onto it. :) A glass of tonic, without wnything expect for ice. And just poured a cup of peppermint tea. (seems to be my psychological switch over IYKWIM).

Have to finish off dinner, but am planning for an early bath and bed. Will be back later. :)

(ILs are very elderly, bless them. They will be heading for bed in an hour, as will I).