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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Players and Supporters Bus

1000 replies

venusandmars · 16/11/2010 22:56

Hi I am venus and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to the first thread by Jesuswhatnow I have not had a drink for a long time.

There are lots of us on here, please lurk, post, whatever does it for you. If you are worried about how much you drink and your inability to stop when you want to, then someone on here can probably understand.

OP posts:
thursoback · 19/11/2010 17:16

Hey guys,
Shock just come back, may I just say that surely whatever works for you at the time and the place you're in, is surely fine, whatever it is.
Mouse did it for me Grin [biggo hugs icon], even though it took me half an hour to compute!! It just hit the spot for me.

Coming up to my third weekend without a drink, and some nights it has been really hard, some not. It seems to be the way it goes, I haven't had one since that day, I don't know why. I do know that I feel a bit scaredy about it lots of times, and that's why it helps me a lot to post my days, it isn't with a thought to anyone who has or has not been drinking, but it really helps me. I think I'll stop though as don't want to come across as if I think I'm in a competition! :), which isn't the case at all.

Anyway, have had a very busy week, more social than normal, and have found that my sleep is really cr**p again, haven't been winding down enough probably. One lovely thing is that my DH seems lighter somehow, IYKWIM, I do wonder if it's not having to wake up to a load of angst and self recrimination!
p.s my DH of 22 years is younger than me!

Creamlegbar · 19/11/2010 17:19

The comment about Red was not abusive but factual. She has got herself into a very bad position from all angles but seems to keep an optimism for an outfit that has not helped her in the past and is not helping her now, and yet she exhorts others to fo the same. That is from my reading of her posts. I feel for her.

Read the links. Re taking it elsewhere. My sister and others (in the UK) would love AA fanatics to engage with them on the community pages. Apparently they only get nutters usually so it would be great if Miflaw could get in and fight the AA corner with some facts. It might be good for AA to have a rational voice there.

Silver66 · 19/11/2010 17:29

Ditto Thurso - whatever works for you.

Oh -Shock are you a bit lost creamcrackers don't know what I'm talking about - that would be because you very rarely post on here except when you feel like sticking your big fat oar in. Good night and good bye.

And FYI I am not an advocate of AA

Mouseface · 19/11/2010 17:30

Cream

Please just drop it now re Red. You have very kindly posted the links and people will read them if they want to.

They can then make their own choices about what may or may not help them. Be that Al-Anon, AA, their own GP etc........

Posting 'well, she said this' or 'it's (AA) not worked for her has it' type messages will not help anyone will it?

So, I will ask you to please, leave it there. Smile

Mouseface · 19/11/2010 17:34

thurso - Hey!!

I was only thinking about you earlier. Well done for getting this far!!

It's normal to have wobbles you know that and you got through them so big up yourself!! Grin

Good to see you Smile

Creamlegbar · 19/11/2010 17:34

Silver, why on earth do you assume that I am not trying to help?

What would be so awfully bad about reading the links, and if you wish to disapprove, you can post on the sites I cited and have your say.

This is not a US problem. I am trying to find a link to an outfit called, 'EastCoastRecovery', which is not in the US. It is in Lowestoft.

thursoback · 19/11/2010 17:35

I saw PINK SOCK on some of your previous threads, but dare not google it in case it gives me nightmares!! Is it likely to?

Do you remember that I had a smart/casual occasion to go to, last week? This morning I had a delivery from White Stuff ( am I allowed to name, names?) and it had what would have been THE PERFECT DRESS in it, gaahAngry, always happens, when I'm not looking, the perfect thing turns up. Bit like men really :), or any DP's :)

Mouseface · 19/11/2010 17:37

Don't Google it thurso!!!

And typical re the dress. Always the way. Smile

Creamlegbar · 19/11/2010 17:39

Just read Mouse's last and I am leaving it there. Smile

thursoback · 19/11/2010 17:40

How is Nemo Mouse,
do you think that you are receiving the best of help? When my DC was a baby, I felt like I went all around the world to get someone to hear me, and realise that I knew what I was talking about. Gets bl**dy frustating doesn't it?

thursoback · 19/11/2010 17:41

frustrating,even!

Mouseface · 19/11/2010 17:47

Creamlegbar

Thank you. You are always welcome here to share your experiences, links to sites and opinions. As long as they are meant to genuinely help. Smile

thurso - sometimes yes, sometimes no. It really does depend on the doctor. Some of his team are outstanding and totally get him and how we function as a family which is just as important.

We'll get there though. Smile

MIFLAW · 19/11/2010 17:48

My sister and others (in the UK) would love AA fanatics to engage with them on the community pages. Apparently they only get nutters usually so it would be great if Miflaw could get in and fight the AA corner with some facts. It might be good for AA to have a rational voice there.

FACT - AA has worked for me.

FACT - it has done so without doing any of the things that "cults" usually do, for example obliging me to stay.

FACT - I am far happier now than when I drank.

FACT - I had zero success with other approaches to my drink problem.

FACT - I have seen it work for many other people - though I have seen many failures too. I attribute this to my observation that, whatever the technicalities of the matter, alcoholism exhibits many of the traits of a mental illness. Without constant reminders of what drinking was like, I personally tend to forget.

FACT - when non-alcoholics gave me excellent advice, I was too arrogant to listen to them. It was only when other people who had drunk like me told me how they had got well that I started listening.

FACT - though you may see us as a homogenous mass, we in AA also ridicule and disdain those roggue members and meetings who put conditions on other people's sobriety or tell them, "my way or the highway." There is even a website run by AA members called "Cultwatch." Its express goal is to name and shame a certain type of such groups, namely the "Primary Purpose" groups. The vast majority of sane AAs want nothing to do with telling others how they should live their lives. All we do is tell others what worked for us - exactly as I am doing now.

Are these the facts you were after?

MIFLAW · 19/11/2010 17:50

And I have no interest in fighting the AA corner.

If you don't like AA, don't go.

But I find it irritating when, with no involvement yourself, you go out of your way to deter others.

I am a vehement agnostic. Do you sggest I follow your example and stand outside churches on a Sunday morning, bawling "it's a lie!" at people who try to cross the threshold?

I'd be (quite rightly) locked up as a nutjob.

jesuswhatnext · 19/11/2010 18:18

hi!, noteven, hope you are ok!, things can get better you know, you just have to want it to badly enough!!

fwiw - i have been going to AA for nearly 6!!! Shock months

i have never been asked to sign anything

i have never been asked for my address

i have never been asked for my bank details

i have never been asked for my surname

fucked if i know how you can run cult without any of the above!

the only money i ever had over is a couple of quid after each meeting i attend - this covers the cost of renting the room we use

the only people with my moblie phone number are those i choose to give it to

if anyone would like to discuss teh merits or otherwise of AA or any other organisation which says it can help the alcoholic to stop drinking would they kindly fuck off and start their own thread! Smile

venusandmars · 19/11/2010 18:18

Evening all. Lovely to see christi posting, hope you are OK my lovely. Give me a call if you fancy a chat sometime.

Thurso post on here whatever is helping you to stay sober. If counting days help, then posts that, if having a rant helps, then rant away. I think that the wonderful thing about this series of threads is that we are a bunch of people who have 'been there, done that' in terms of problem drinking, and many of us have 'been there, tried that' in terms of ways of controlling our drinking habits, or finding ways to stop drinking. Mostly what we are posting here is advice about the particular tactics that have helped each one of us individually. I LOVE the fact that so many of us seem open and willing to try the approaches suggested by others until we do find things that help (and that may be different things at different moments).

Counting the number of days that I was sober, was never the right thing for me - felt too much like I was measuring how big the fall was going to be - but that does not stop me from being able to recognise the pleasure that others have in reaching important milestones. You go for it thurso, post every day, or erey half day, or every half hour, if that is what helps you. And who knows, it might just help someone else reading this too.

I love that there is no 'one right way to do it' approach on here - although I have to say that a straw poll would indicate that the combination of putting your pjs on, brushing your teeth with strong toothpaste and shouting "fuck the fuck off" would be the most favoured tactics Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 19/11/2010 18:20

btw - my washing machine is crap! its a hoover - never again!!

Silver66 · 19/11/2010 18:21

Thurso - that shop has just opened where I live - it is really good then?? xx

Mouseface · 19/11/2010 18:22

What? JWN you use a hoover to wash your clothes?

Clearly, that's why it's crap?! Grin

jesuswhatnext · 19/11/2010 18:25

oh!, no wi see what i was doing wrong!! Grin ( i just went looked!, its a hotpoint!, easy mistake to make!) Grin

venusandmars · 19/11/2010 18:28

noteven have you got dd ready for bed? Now what? Once she is asleep, go into her room with a peice of paper and a pen and sit by her and write down all the lovely wonderful things about her. just write and write and write - write about her lovely nose, her sweet fingers, everything. Do not take a drink with you. Write about the things she does that delight you, that make you smile, that touch your heart.

No judgements, no being harsh on yourself. This is not about you and how you feel about yourself, this is just all your heartfelt love for her. All the time that you are doing that 2 things are happening - you are keeping your hands and your mind occupied and away from the thought of drinking, and you are filling your heart with love. Maybe, just maybe you could allow a little of that love to spill over for yourself. You've taken some brave, brave steps and you desere to love yourself for that.

Please keep posting on here, and please keep on calling on every source that you know of to get practical and emotional support. None of us are an island, and in any case, even islands allow the sea to wash their shores. Keep safe x

OP posts:
Silver66 · 19/11/2010 18:29

JWN you obviously need help with appliances

Silver66 · 19/11/2010 18:30

Venus - beautiful x

venusandmars · 19/11/2010 18:35

JWN I still have fond memories of living in my first flat and going to the laundrette. Every week my flatmate and I would lug our washing along the road, put it on to wash and go to the shop. We would each buy a trashy magazine (woman's own, or similar) and a chocolate bar, then go back to the warm fug of the laundrette for the most indulgent hour of our week. Clothes in the spinner, dryer, then folded and back in the bag to lug back to our icy, freezing flat.

Now I may have a warmer house to live in, and my own laundry facilites, but I am still a bit nostalgic for the times when washing was done once a week, dried and put away rather than being the endless round that it seems to be now.

OP posts:
thursoback · 19/11/2010 18:38

Silver I think the clothes are looovely, and no-ones shouted *MUTTON8 at me in the street yet!:)

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