how much do you see your PIL

[minimisa]

My husband is very close / dutiful to his parents and sees them most weeks. I find them hard work, nothing awful but neither are they great company so as much as possible I try to get him to take the kids on his own while I have some time off (I'm a SAHM). He would like me to spend more time with them than I do (one meet up a month, a bit more at holiday time and one long weekend a year) and I'd like him to see them less (he quite often does stuff with them leaving me at home with the kids - often he doesn't really want to but has a very developed sense of duty). What I want to know is AIBU? More than anything I'm curious about what's 'normal'. I have virtually no family of my own which may be part of the issue.

July last year, DH's choice.

1/2 times a year, same as FiveGoMadInDorset, DH's choice.

Used to see them more but for shorter periods of time as we used to live nearer (were about 90 miles away, now 200 miles away). Have seen them twice since June.

When we were nearer, DH would quite often go and see them on his own which everyone was fine with.

Interestingly it was nearly always us who visited them - now we have moved it is them who have come to see us. I don't think they liked where we used to live

Every week is a bit much IMO - especially if he works full time, it takes up too much of your family time.

My ILs would love it if we went there every week, and we did go through a phase of doing it without thinking, till our careers really took over Mon-Fri and we realised we spent our whole weekend visiting parents. Much healthier balance to have a weekly phone call (instigated by you if necessary) and a visit every few weeks/once a month.

Every week, at least once. They come to babysit ds2 and stay for a gossip. I see them more than DH does!

We also see them about once a month for family dinners.

But I am v fortunate to have lovely in-laws.

I would be slightly annoyed if DH left us alone to do stuff with his family - surely they would want to see the dc as much as he does? Once a week if he works full time is a bit of a bind - we don't see anyone that much.

This is easy for me to say though as we see PIL once every couple of years. They live a long way off (plane/ferry) and they are very hard work. Thankfully DH feels the same. (Not sure that they are particularly keen to spend time with us either)

When I said DH went on his own, I actually meant he went with the children. I was on my own.

Both sets of parents are divorced. We probably see my Mum and MIL about once a month each when we visit them or they come to us. My Dad lives in Ireland so we see him about twice a year. FIL is always travelling around for work so we probably see him and his GF about once every two or three months.

every week when i take dds to visit.

It is something you need to work at -when you get DH he doesn't come alone-he comes with his family and it must be upsetting if you won't take part. Why not do things with them on your own? I always have-I think that you need a relationship of your own with them.

Probably four or five times a year, normally for a weekend. Too far away to go for less than a couple of days. If they lived closer we'd see them as often as my mum- every 2 or 3 weeks.

We used to live 50 miles away. Once every 3 weeks we went to my mother for lunch, and the left mid/late afternoon for mil's for tea until after midnight. Both dfs were dead, but it was the same before.

Now only 1 is alive, and dm crossed me off her Christmas list 18 years ago. Hurray! No more complaints starting 'YOUR father ......"

Piscesmoon, I would find it very very stressful seeing them on my own. They are extremely posh and chat is generally very stilted. Also partly because of their age and partly their personality, they just like to sit and watch the kids rather than interact with them so essentially it would be like me hosting a formal tea whilst caring for two toddlers. Nightmare!

once or twice a year because we dont really get on and its easier that way, dh and dd sees them every month

We are not in contact with FIL and MIL prefers too write us letters than talk so.....

Gosh I find this thread sad - we see my PIL's once every 2 years or so and my parents every 8 weeks or so as we live so far away (obviously much further away from PIL's). BUT when I was growing up we (mum, dad and I) saw both sets of grandparent every weekend and did one dinner per week alternately with each set. That is how it would be for DH and I if our parents lived closer.

I think once a week is perfectly normal where distance is not a factor and see this level of contact frequently in RL. I do find MN very different to RL in many ways

BTW - didn't mean sad in a critical way - just in a "how times have changed" kind of way.

They live 3 hours drive away and we see them for the weekend about 5 times a year. The dc go and stay with them for about 3 or 4 days in the summer holidays.

DH and I have been together for 11 years, married for 8. I have a DS from a previous relationship. I've only ever met my PIL and SIL (who is single and lives with them) 3 times, the last time was at my wedding.

Since we got married, they have refused to visit us, or allow DS and I to visit them, even though we live less than 1 hour's drive away. It is done in a very passive-agressive way - one or another of them is always "too ill" for visitors. DH visits them on his own very frequently. They send money and cards for xmas and birthdays, but have absolutely no desire to speak to or see DS or myself. They have no other grandchildren, but as DS is only a step-child and I "married in" we don't count as family.

me, last saw them in July, prior to that Christmas day for 2 hours.

They live 20 minutes away.

DH sees them about once a month and takes ds with him. Its on the way to football stadium so he pops in when he goes to a match.

If it were up to them, we would never see them as they have no interest in us or ds who is thier only gc.

Unfortunately as they live 15 mins drive we see them every 1-2 weeks.

This is always us making the effort as they are too lazy to come to us (unless they've been shopping - this is very rare - in the city, then they'll pop in for 1/2 hour afterwards).

Luckily DP has started to take DD during the week while I'm at work, although come Christmas time there will no doubt be a few pointed remarks about my absence from the visits.
They are, of course, quick to get annoyed if we can't make it for one reason or another and start on the old 'keeping my GD from me' tack.

Oops, sorry that turned into a bit of a PG hormone rant!

We are abroad atm.

We last saw them at Easter.

Previous to that was about six years ago.

They have never been here.

MIL every week. FIL hasn't retired yet - we see him probably every other month.