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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

please help

57 replies

DottyDolittle · 09/11/2010 08:25

I am writing this on behalf of my friend

My friend has been married for 5 years and has a really good relationship with her DH. Never really had any problems.

She has suffered with PND and as a result of this has struggled to sleep. Things are a lot better now but she is still having to take sleeping tablets. Because of the tablets she is quite a heavy sleeper.

She said she woke last night after being in bed for several hours to find that her DH had his hand in her knickers and was using his fingers to touch her in an intimate way. She said she lay there for a while half asleep not really fully registering what was going on.

When she woke properly her DH kissed her and then they had sex. She said she was still half asleep and just wanted to go back to sleep.

She said she doenst' know why, but the fact that her husband was touching her when she was fast asleep is really bothering her and when she thinks about it she feels quite sick but doesn't know if she is over reacting.

Please help???

OP posts:

cindystill · 10/11/2010 10:10

Ignorant H making a mistake once - ok.
Pre-meditated use of unequal power with the added element of surprise - no.
I am perfectly willing to be objective and give the benefit of the doubt in a good marriage - even though personal experience on this is negative.

DD - it may be a one-off. It just shouldn't be ignored by you if it has made you feel like this.

RealityBomb · 10/11/2010 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dignified · 10/11/2010 10:44

Whats gets me is that if this was a post in aibu saying -

" Ive had Pnd , im exhausted through lack of sleep and im now on sleeping tablets. My dh knows how tired i am and how much i need my sleep but last night he woke me up and asked me to find his shirt / make him a sandwhich ect "

Most people wouldve called him a selfish git for waking up his exhausted wife , and there wouldnt have been any excuses or reasons offered . Odd how perceptions change when sex is involved .

cindystill · 10/11/2010 10:44

OP, is it possible to speak to your H about this. What I mean is - can you two talk easily? Because he is the person you should be speaking to about this. The fact that you are not, is a bit concerning for me. I know that when someone is down and there has been crap going on, these things can slip through the net (behaviour) and although the person on the receiving end doesn't agree, she goes along with it, and so it goes on. But there is no respect.

But you have said you have a good relationship?

loopylou6 · 10/11/2010 13:29

Sounds like a normal night in my bed, except DH gets slapped and told to do one. I'd say she's over reacting

loopylou6 · 10/11/2010 13:41

Oh. I should read whole thread before replying

cindystill · 10/11/2010 14:09

I meant - 'put up' with bad behaviour (rather than accepting it).

I don't know your situation obviously and you say it is a really good relationship, but in an unhealthy relationship women do end up 'putting up' with stuff in a relationship from a partner especially if they have been ground down in their situation by all the crap; or as you say you have/had PND, you are not going to be feeling as strong as someone else.

Can you talk to your H about this?

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