Mad stepmothers?

[pottonista]

I've looked about but can't find a dedicated thread for mad stepmothers like there is a 'classic MIL quotes' thread.

My mad stepmother starter for 10: Married my dad without inviting ANY of Dad's children to the wedding (though her family were invited), then threw a massive screaming swearing door-slamming tantrum at me on Christmas day because I hadn't asked to see the photos. To this day she insists I was horrible to her when I finally lost my temper, but has no recollection of calling me a 'horrible fucking bitch'. Niice.

Anyone else have a mad stepmother?

There isn't a dedicated thread for "mad stepmothers" because 99% of us
a; aren't mad
b; would find it really insulting.....

How would you feel if one of us started a thread specifically to collate horrid stories about stepdaughters?

Well I was just coming to post about my stepmum who is utterly bonkers but in the nicest way.

mine's mad as a brush though I have to say she has improved since I had DD - who'd have thought that even though she hates and despises me, my offspring are an absolute delight to her . Perhaps she's plotting to turn them against me at some future point in time?

Unusually for the time, we stayed with my dad after my parents divorced so I had the joy of living with the woman for about 10 years before I finally escaped to uni. Some of her activities back in the day still make my blood boil when I recollect them eg:

1. refusing to speak to me for a whole year when I was 15 FOR NO REASON to the point of saying to my dad 'ask her to pass me the salt' over the dinner table rather than ask me herself . I used to BEG her to tell me what I had done wrong and she just refused to speak. My dad did nothing about it. 2) Banning my mum from calling the house or us from calling her (I spent a lot of my teenage years calling my mum from phoneboxes in those pre-mobile days) 3) when I started shaving my legs, telling me that the way to do it was to shave them dry and then spray my legs with deodorant. I can tell you it stung and itched to buggery but I was 13 and didn't know any different . Once I worked out how to do it in the shower it dawned on me how petty and malicious it was of her.

Oh well I could go on and on I expect but I've already spent months in therapy trying to exorcise it so maybe it's best not to go there...

OP, did your father not have a say in inviting his own children to his wedding? I think that probably says more about your father than your step mother tbh.

I am sure my step son only has nice things to say about me

miniwedge, I am sure you are lovely, but my stepmum was really really horrible and I don't think it's THAT unusual.

TBH looking back now I think she was to some extent young and very naive about what she was taking on when she married a man who had sole custody of 2 primary-age kids. She is only 16 years older than me and I know full well I would not have contemplated taking on a 10yo step-daughter when I myself was 26.

However, she made a right hash of it from almost the word go - living at home was hellish for me through most of my teens and it has taken me a looooong time to forgive her for making all our lives quite quite miserable.

@ miniwedge: sorry, posted in a hurry, should have made sure to say that I'm sure there are plenty of stepmothers who are lovely. It's just that mine isn't. Not a remark on stepmothers as a species...

(my stepmother is still mad)

Well I have a 100% certifiable stepmother.

Blimey mini. Harsh!

And struggling with a step sibling perhaps??

Could your dad not have invited his children to the wedding himself?

@ Rindercella: I don't really know what to make of my dad's role in it all. He's left me answerphone messages from a public phone in Tesco's before, because he didn't want to get into trouble by calling me from the house.

If the genders were reversed, I'd have told him to ring Women's Aid by now - she monitors his emails and phone calls, tells him what he can spend money on, and I've seen her shove and swear at him (he's in his 70s and has heart trouble and a hip replacement) before.

I'll give a brief description of my fathers partner.

-My aunt was dying (mothers sister,so father's ex sis in law) and stepmother said to father 'well I hope you don't think you will be going to her funeral' Stepmother has had breast cancer herself.

-Has completely ignored myself,my children and my husband whilst visiting,she shut herself away in another room.

-Buys my husband birthday present every year and ignores everyone else's.

I could go on....

mini - also, it would be inappropriate to 'start a thread on horrid stepdaughters' because (crucially) they are CHILDREN and it is expected that they will sometimes be difficult / have issues with parents' new partners / struggle to deal with the new family set-up etc. and act out in various ways.

Stepmothers are ADULTS and are meant to behave as such.

I had a mad step-mother. As in proper mential illness mad. Had 10 years of her jealousy of Dad talking to another other woman (including me, DSis, Dad's 6 sisters and his mother). She was a one woman masterclass in how to control a man entirely.

But she then left my father. Well, more like emptied the house (of everything not nailed down) while he was on a business trip. He came back on christmas eve to find empty house. He called the police thinking she was kidnapped or killed in a robbery. She turned up a few days later to say she was off to live with a richer man. And gave back all the stuff she took (except her clothes).

Turns out after living of Dad for the last 10 year, him not buying a big house with pool and staff, was the tipping point. Didn't stop her from taking out credit cards and loans in his name for years after though!

She has since been deported from the US (where Dad lives) for DUI and drug offenses and her own kids have refused to take her in. Gossip has it that she's been detained under the French equivalnt of the Mental Health Act.

My step mother is a loony. She won't talk to me hangs up the phone if I try and call my dad doesn't pass on messages. Has never met dc's 1 and nearly 3. Wont allow them in the house as far as i'm aware. Not that i'm bothered as i'm sure given half the chance she'd try and poison them.

When I lived at home she hardly talked to me if she had to. refused to cook me meals.
Got annoyed when I ate the fruit...????
Called me useless when I dropped out of uni because I couldn't get a loan and worked but couldn't afford food, room rent and art materials and having some sort of social life. I worked weekends and some evening to fund it all. Parents payed nada unlike most people in my shared house.
A few years later he daughter dropped out of the 2nd year of 6th form- of course that was fine.

I had to fund all my driving lessons, tests, car insurance.
Her daughter had it all payed for her and got her new car!

A previous step mum (mother to my two younger sisters) was awful but has since apologized now that i'm an adult and have my own kids we now get on well.

Examples- making me buy my own sanitary towels with my pocket money if I wanted the thin ones (so they wouldn't be seen through school trousers I was 12) She got me those huge ones much like maternity pads. that made me look like I was wearing a nappy.

Lots of funny things really just not very nice to me really. Force feeding me liver even though I hated it and rightly so!
I am now a vegetarian have been for 10 years!

There are def some truly horrific step mums out there and lots of nice ones too. DP's step mum before his dad got remarried was really nice and always on his side when he had disagrements with his dad as a teenager.

Blimey. @ turkeyboots - I thought my stepmother was difficult, but that's epic.

Worst thing is, my Dad would take her back in an instant. Crazy lady had amazing man control skills!

My SM gave her own DS a wedge of cash to buy a house with, but Dad isn't even allowed to LEND his kids money for frivolous things like law school fees as apparently that makes us useless, lazy scroungers who should learn to stand on our own two feet.

elportodelgato - the step-daughter who started this thread is presumably an adult...

ohh can we start a Mad Birth Mothers thread too!!!!!

Hmmm I thought not

What a vile thread to start. If you have a problem with your stepmum, just say that and ask for advice, or just say you're having a rant about your personal situation. Fair enough.
But to start a thread specifically to get people to complain about a particular group that, let's face it, have it tough enough anyway (due to the fairytale demonisation) is just horrid.
Of course there are some horrible women who are stepmothers - just as there are some horrible women who are stepdaughters, just as there are some horrible women who are mothers, granmothers, aunts, etc.
FWIW, I get very annoyed at 'mad MIL' threads as well. How insulting, and frankly infantile.

How about an oversensitive stepmothers thread?

I foresee lots and lots of posts.

Are you fricking kidding me - have you any idea how hard being a stepmother is - and you want to start a thread slagging them off. Nice. Elenor I will join you on that one - who wants to go first.

Fair comment prettyfly.

I hold my hands up to that, I don't know how hard it is.

But, there are also some rotten stepmums out there and it's ok to say so/vent about it here. I had one.

OTOH my DS has a very nice stepmum. They have a warm relationship and I'm pleased about that.

I don't think all stepmums are oversensitve either, I often lurk on stepmums thread and sympathise.

I can understand why people might feel a bit at this thread.

Hiya not being funny or anything but there are plenty of posts slagging of step children on the step-parenting posts...I know I've read lots of them...very rarely is there anything nice written about step kids or the step kid situation. I think this thread is alright and I am a step mum. It is sometimes useful to see things from the kids perspective even if they are now adults.
So other step mothers get off your high horses and read what these step kids have to say as you might see bits of yourself in the threads and can do something about it now rather than leave it until it's too late.
I'm sure there are as many mad step parents as birth parents.
Feel free to vent step kids as this is a forum for people to air their feelings.

I am a step mum (although dsd doesn't live with us) and I ahve no problem with this thread.

I have no doubt passed on some of my ishoos on to my dsd, however I try to balance out some of her mother's selfishness and above all I try to be nice to her so I don't end up bring described on threads like this one

So I am the one making sure she knows how to deal with her teenage skin and nudging dh that dsd could do with new boots. Her mum I suspect doesn't like buying her stuff as she doesn't want her daughter to be younger, prettier or better dressed than she is. (Too late love, on all counts!) She gave dsd a big spiel about how she would not be buying dsd some boots she wanted, purely for fashion and too expensive, blah blah, fair enough. She then goes out the next day and buys herself the same pair of fecking boots selfish cow. Felt like saying 'do you want to check dsd's Xmas list, then you can go out and buy everything on it for yourself so you don't feel left out, love.'

Sorry I have crashed the thread and gibbered on about my own shit... oh well par for the course at the moment!