Is anyone leading the life they had envisaged?

[mommie]

I suppose I just wondered how many people had really got the life they had intended?

Yes, more or less! But getting here wasn't plain sailing

Loulounz, it will get better, I'm sure you can't imagine that it will, but it will. I'm stalking you, in a friendly way.

Loulounz - if it helps at all - my not being plain sailing was a failed marriage. Life now is wonderful You will get there, just give yourself some time - you have to grieve for the dream you lost before you can find a new one

Yes and no. If dh had been my first husband and dd1 was his daughter then a big emphatic yes. Never expected to be married and divorced before meeting my Mr Right, and never expected my two children to have different fathers.

I am VERY happy now though .

soapbox - snap! Life can and will turn round for you loulounz.

I wanted to be a teacher.
I wanted to be romanced by and then married to a lovely rich man.
I wanted children.

I didn't really have a plan but those were the three things I wanted.

I did become a teacher ... but as soon as I had my first baby it lost its sparkle for me ... so I am not a teacher anymore.
I was romanced by and married a lovely man ... but he ain't rich ... but he works bloody hard and is a great dad ... we are rich in our health and we love eachother.
I do have children ... but it wasn't the hearts and flowers I imagined it to be. It is bloody hard work and sometimes I wish for my 'old' life ...
But I wouldn't change any of it for a million dollars!

i was convinced i would not live beyond 21. no reason for this but i never bothered to make any plans because of it!! all i remember wanting was a partner who i was happy with and maybe a couple of kids down the line.

well i got the kids anyway......still waiting for that explosively wonderful relationship . not very ambitous am i!!

Snap on the seeing the most unexpected university colleagues becoming famous, successful and talented. Hmmmm, they've got my life.

I always say to myself - dejags, you will never accurately predict where you will be a year from now. Each year I try to predict and each year I get it wrong.

My life has taken lots of twists and turns, some really fantastic and others cr@p.

All in all I think I am a happy and satisifed person.

God No! I'm not sure what my expectations were, but they didnt include a) a huge struggle to get out of `negative equity' (anyone remember that early 90's phenomena?), b) infertility c) a child with complex special needs d) a mother with breast cancer.

On a positive note.....my dh and I are still together, we've found/are finding our way through all this jointly, I know who my real friends are (and I have made some very unexpected new ones), we dont have any real money worries (not just now anyway!), my mum is in remission and I have 2 beautiful boys (one is everything I wished for, the other is beautiful and yet my worst nightmare come true - but who has taught me true unconditional love). We holiday every year in Holland and never go to Italy!

And.... I threw away my life plan along time ago and am too scared to make a new one!!

I wish I'd intended a bit harder when I was younger.

I was at uni in that early 80s (Thatcher but pre-Thatcherism, if you see) time when the people who went straight off & got solid jobs/married their college sweethearts were a bit patronisingly looked down on; to the rest of us it seemed we had all the time in the world to faff around. So, you know, while I am pretty happy with dh & ds & dd, and it just so happens I managed to end up with a "proper" job, I do think I wasted time and now doth time waste me.

Sometimes, I look at my hubby and two kids and think im lucky. But when my husband stops me from working, going to kung fu or going out with my friends then I do think wot the hell am i doing here!! 24 and my life is definately not wot i expected, in fact its my worst nightmare come true. But you live and learn.

Yup, pretty much.

Man, just reading this thread, I'm glad I never had a list of 'expectations'. One quotation that always stayed w/me since I was a teen: We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned, in order to have the life that is waiting for us.

I'm so glad I did!

Er, no! After watching 49up last night it made me think that if they had filmed me at 28 they would have seen a 'happy family' with 3 kids under 5 and married mum and dad. By 35 I was divorced, living with new dp, working full time and pregnant again. A totally different person and not at all what I had imagined!

Oh, I also like the saying 'if you want to get to the other side, you have let go of the edge!' or summat like that...

Not sure I ever had a life plan, but certainly didn't foresee the tug of war between career (OK, job!) and family, and the guilt at the thought of having to choose between either working full time or being a SAHM. I know I'm lucky that I've not had to choose and I'm able to work part time - lots of people don't have that luxury. I need 2 lives - clone me now!

Message withdrawn

Oddly i think im getting there.
My dream has always been to have close loving family.
INfact i still have a book from PSE that i used when i was 15 and we had to write where we would be in 15 years.
Mine ssys i will have a nice house and car. A husband who works in an office and wears a suit and i would have a job when the children are at school and would be a midwife or a social worker!. Even wrote that i we would have breakfast as a family and DH would kiss us goodbye and i would drop kids off at school and head to work, pick kids up then cook tea and eat as family!

So in comparison, do indeed have a house and 2 cars, Dh is a retail manager and wears a shirt and tie to work! Currently only have 1 child but one on way and i do work BUT its from home as a childminder so do get to pick and drop DS off at school etc. PRETTY DARN CLOSE and not bad considering im only 26!

Must add though that life has only just started taking shape really since i met DH! Didnt plan to have 2 different dads for my children or to fall pregnant and have to stop persuing my dream of becoming a midwife/social worker but you never know what will happen!

no but I'm going to!

Nooooo - but somewhat similar in a watered down version:

Thought I would be married with 2 kids at 25 - only 13 years late getting started on that bit then. Wanted to be a journalist or fashion designer - now work in marketing for a sports clothing brand (so get to write about clothes!?).

After my parents miserable marriage and divorce the main thing I wanted from life wasn't anything material, but to be happy and with my wonderful dh and amazing ds I truly am!

Also I spent approx 18 years pleasing myself and partying and I never imagined that.

Never made any plans really as I couldn't imagine ahead beyond the current stage of my life when i was younger. Definitely didn't plan to be a sahm with 3 kids living in the UK though!

I was also naive enough to think that modern man would do 50% of the housework and childcare so i could carry on working if I wanted....

Even though I hit 40 this year I still have hopes that I will eventually figure out what I really want to do with my life (and have time to do it!)

umm not really, never thought I would be a stepmum to two teenagers of have a baby of my own, never thought I would be a SAHM, for the most part I enjoy it more then I ever thought, but some days...

Life is a journey, not a destination!

I repeat this mantra to keep me sane