Has anyone here discovered their dh's affair?

[Mummalish]

I just have.

I am shocked.

I honestly don't know what to say, I am shaking. Thinking of all the lies. Now it all makes sense.

Oh so sorry, can't help, but bumping for you as I know there are many people on here who can.

How did you find out?

How did you find out? Is he still with you? There are unfortunately quite a few here who will be able to help you so hopefully will be along soon. So sorry for you.

I read their entire affair on email.

Suspected for a while.

How does one appropriately confront this?

Can barely type, I am feeling very ill.

How long have you been together? Are you very sure it was a proper affair, not just online flirting?

Bump - sorry I wish I could help - good luck

Sorry you're going through this. I found out about my ex's affair when I saw his mobile phone bill. I phoned a number that appeared constantly, and spoke to the woman.

He'd been lying to her too, and I was 14 weeks pregnant. I confronted him and he denied it at first, but it all came out bit by bit.

You've had a major shock and you need time to get your head together. It's not easy and I really feel for you.

Have you spoken to him?

Yes - over 2 years ago. Rather like you, except I found texts on a mislaid old phone.

Confront face to face, this is REALLY important. Don't tell him all you've read just yet, either. In fact, you don't even need to disclose how you found out.

Ask him to give you his phone and don't give it back till you have gone through every single application on it, including hidden folders. Check the gallery for pictures. Check the SIM memory, as well as the phone memory.

If you have DCs, get someone to look after them tomorrow so that you can talk for as long as you want to, uninterrupted. You don't need to tell the carer what this is about just yet.

Bear in mind that in this situation, most adulterers will admit to only what they think you can prove (hence don't reveal all about your info) and they will minimise to the hilt and tell lies.

I feel for you. It's a horrible discovery and a terrible shock, even if you had your suspicions. At least you've realised that your instincts were correct and you weren't going mad after all, .

I have read months worth of emails, and know all the sordid details.

He thinks he has done nothing wrong.

I want him out, and gone asap.

Cant bear to look at him.

Nothing wrong?

How on earth can he think that? Is he trying to pretend that this was an E mail relationship only (that old chestnut emoticon)?

I hope you're OK.

You need to think about the practicalities of him leaving, if that is what you want to happen. Do you have children? How are your finances?

Take care. :)

How horrible for you. It is hellish. I discovered an affair a few weeks ago. Check out my thread - how to get the truth out of a cheating husband. It hurts like hell but you will cope. I feel better just a few weeks down the line. How old are your dc? Take one day at a time and be really kind to yourself.

Be strong :)

Finances shit. One child. Want him gone because truly the thought of seeing him makes me ill.

Feels like I need a support group!

One child what age?

Well if you can ask him to leave practically then do it. You will get support on here. It is my lifeline just now actually. Take whatever support you can get- friends,family counselling-it will get better. I cannot kick my ex out yet for practical reasons 3 kids 2 v small but my patience is wearing v thin now.
One you have a clear head find out what kind of financial help you are entitled to and sort yourself out one day at a time.
What age is your dc?

I feel for you, Mummalish. Please check out my thread... After 37 years....

If you confront him, be ready for denials and to be accused of being stupid and paranoid (even though you may have evidence). I know exactly how you feel because when I discovered the texts and emails, I was shaking and felt physically ill. You will be made to feel guilty and worthless so please be strong. Take a breather to work out what you want to do. Also, please do not reveal all you know.

Sending you big hugs because I know you will need them.

I discovered my ex's texts on his phone. Dozens of them. I stood in the bedroom shaking, and then went downstairs with the phone and told him what I'd just read.

I then said "you are a despicable cheat and I would like you to get your things together and leave. Now."

His response was "we can't just end this like this!"

My reply was that he had no choice in the matter.

I fell to pieces after he had left with two bags full of stuff, but at least then I could begin to grieve in my own space without his revolting presence walking in

By the way Mummalish, in case you we're wondering, you will be alright

Be gentle with yourself, as you will be in shock. Nothing will take the pain away at the moment, just take it 10 minutes at a time. Have you got anyone you can call?

huge hugs mammalish! so sorry you found all this.

use us as your support group, there are so many wonderful ladies here to help you through this,

You want him gone? Good on you for deciding .
Tell him.
Good luck and you WILL get over him and move on if that is your choice.

Yup, one of the many in your position. I found a letter in dp's work bag nearly 4 months ago. 14 years together and ds age 9. OW was a femily friend. It stinks.

But I would rather be where I am now than where I was 6 months ago, oblivious.

How are you? Do you have any family or good friens for support?

I discovered my dp's affair when he broke down and told me he needed £700 to pay for her abortion.
I was devesated as he had decided we would have no more kids yet I desperately wanted more. We had beeen together 11 years.
It took about 6 months of grovelling from him and long talks about our relationship and where we were going before we got on track.
That was nearly 4 years ago now and we are happier then ever. We have 2 more children together and our kids are all happy.

There is hope after an affair and you don't have to see it as the end of your relationship. DP realised he had jeopardised our relationship and he didn't want to lose me. Making a go at saving our realtionship was a hard decision as I felt so cheated. I did want him to leave at first for all the usual reasons but I couldnt see my life without him.

Thanks everyone for you support. I did not sleep a wink last night. He left last night to be with her.

Coming back today to "chat". He really seemed to love the drama last night. He fully believes he has done nothing wrong (we were having problems). Stands by the fact that he is not wrong.

I confronted him about all the lies etc. He said, "What lies". At that point I just wanted him out as he is a tosser.

I just dont want to know anymore of their affair, I have all the evidence on my computer, however will not look, as too painful.

He suggested last night that I move out, and come back to visit my son. I told him to bugger off.

My H had an affair. It is just such a terrible feeling when you discover they have been lying and deceiving you. It is also amazing how defensive they can become. Blaming you. They can be very cruel. How arrogant of him to say that you could move out. You were right to tell him to bugger off. Mine said similar - said he would look after the kids with the ow.

I'm not good with advice as I handled it all wrong. Kept having him back etc just to be treated badly again. Just take care of yourself and your son and sleep when you can. Try to eat and be kind to yourself. He is a fool,