thank you mummalish, beleive me i didnt feel like i came out unscathed, he put me in a dark place for a very long time, however, it was because of his nastiness i became the person i am today, and for that i thank him, i learnt to be myself, i learnt to like myself, i learnt i had an opinion and that i was my own person, and i learnt all them things because of him. 
I hated the thought of him and his other woman for a few years, however, the insecurities are now her problems and not mine, for example she wont allow him to call his children, she wont allow him to knock my front door to call for children on the rare occassions he sees them , ie once a year if they are lucky!! She wont allow him to a family function if i am there,,, i find it very sad, but also very amusing as she obviously has issues.
I dealt with it, on a one hour/one day/one week at a time, and i think it took about a year, before i went a day without crying, but was i proud of myself that day :o
Everyone deals with it differently, there is no right way or wrong way, but you will get there one step at a time, in hind sight i wish i hadnt wasted all the time greiving over what i thought we had, but then , if i hadnt i wouldnt be where i am today.
Sorry your are going through this journey, but by the end of it i promise you will be a much more confident and a more assertive person for it, and he will still be bumbling his way through life the only way he knows how. The shoe will be well and truly on the other foot. keep strong and positive thoughts you will get there