Okay, not sure why I am posting this as I know DP is not having an affair, maybe I just need some rationalisation ?!
I have name changed, although, I dont post here alot.
Basically, have been with DP for 3 years, we have a 7 month old DS and a 7 year old DS from a previous marriage.
DP is a very sociable person, has lots of friends and makes friends easily. He goes out regularly. None of this is a problem. I used to go along with him, before the baby came.(and pregnancy)
Anyway the thing is.... DP goes to the pub after work with a male work friend sometimes....sometimes, he is out all night and crashes at this male friends... all of this i know for real, as I speak to the male friend.
Recently, say around August, a female 20 year old has been in the work social picture alot aswell.
It all started with a work colleagues birthday and drinks after work. DP was on a spare mattress in the lounge, as I didnt want him in our bedroom as he had been socially smoking (because of baby).
Anyway, his iphone was on the book shelf, on his side of the bed, I think i was awake as I had just sent DP into the lounge. Anyway his phone buzzes and lights up with a message from female persons name, this is about 1am on a saturday morning..... so I open his messages as I always used to use his iphone, and it says " im lost, how do i get home from * and then some silly face "
I instantly started shaking and feeling sick.... as my EX H cheated on me and walked out on me and DS at 2.... it was like everything you had put away had just punched me in the guts... so I stupidly replied saying ' where are you ?' and she then replied * (near their work) . I then deleted my text and stormed into the lounge and woke up DP and asked him who female was and why is she texting you now ?
He explained and was very calm. All seemed ok, but its something i have held onto since then.
Also i read one of DP's emails to a old friend who had just split up from a long relationship, suggesting this female friend at work to him; who had big boobs, liked older men and was into oral sex ! WTF !?
So a few work events have happened since and I know that she was been there..... they are friends on FB and I know he/she texts daily, to go for a smoke together.
A few weeks ago he was out till 4am and told me he was going somewhere he didnt, i later found out he went to pub with male and female work colleague and then male went home at 11.30pm and DP stayed out at bar/club with female colleague !
I basically have been reading his messages, FB and looking at photos he has taken whilst out !
He has assured me nothing is or will ever happen with her, but I cant seem to let it go. He said he sees my point of view, as we had a big talk after he lied ( said he thought i would get upset that she was there again!) and he wouldnt like it if it was me doing it.
He only texts her a few times in work time as they arent allowed to email at work, plus he never contacts her in the evening or weekends, he has alot of female friends which has never been a problem till now, as I dont know her and she is 20 ! DP is 33, I am 35.
I keep thinking back to my EX H and expecting things to go the same way..... I know nothing is going on but im obviously really bothered and its causing me to be a paranoid neurotic snoop...... Im scared its going to ruin our relationship.
Am I out of order ? Would you be pissed off ?