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Original poster

Lights on during sex. Can you? Do you?

41 replies

lightsonlightsoff · 28/10/2010 10:08

I'm a regular but a name changer as I find this stuff quite embarrassing. Blush

My sex life with my dh has started to improve in the last few months after years of issues. I'm really excited about this and don't want to go back to our old routine as it's brought us much closer together and dh is raving about the changes.

However the issue is that when I asked him last night if he wanted to try anything different, the only thing he mentioned was to do it with the lights on. This is my worse nightmare as I have issues with my body and know I won't be able to let go with the lights on like I can in the dark. So, do I go with the lights on and risk the quality or stay in my safe zone in the dark?

OP posts:
orangina · 28/10/2010 10:10

How about candlelight? Romantic and yet forgiving......

Smile
mumblechum · 28/10/2010 10:11

Agree re. either candlelight or low wattage lamps.

Good for you for finding your mojo!

GeorgeOsborne · 28/10/2010 10:13

Baby steps, get some pretty fairy lights/lamps/candles

MalificenceBloodandSand · 28/10/2010 10:14

Start with a nightlight or candles?

Wear something lovely but accessible?

Actually, we find that sex in total darkness is very , well, sexy, because we normally do it in the light - don't you ever have sex in the daytime?

However wobbly your wobbly bits are, I can guarantee he couldn't care less. Get on top of him and enjoy yourself woman!

mumblechum · 28/10/2010 10:14

And take it as a compliment - by saying he wants to make love with the lights on, he means that he finds your body really sexy and attractive!

winnybella · 28/10/2010 10:15

Always with the lights on for me.

Please don't worry- obviously your dh is delighted in your renewed interest in sex and obviously he enjoys it a lot- lights on will make it even better for both of you- visual stimulants are v.powerful, you know Smile

Good luck!

bicarbonateofsoda · 28/10/2010 10:16

Well done for your hard work at improving things, sounds like you're both enjoying the changes :)

I think candlelight's a great idea. But maybe you need to think more about this. Your DH wants the lights on - why do you think he asked for this? The obvious answer is that he wants to see your body. It won't hold any surprises for him - however much you think having the lights off has hidden away your least-loved squishy bits.

I think you should talk to him about this - don't flick the switch if you're really uncomfortable about it, but hearing directly from him that he loves your body and wants to see it might give you some necessary reassurance.

As a fat bird, I can promise you that my own confidence about my body is once of the things my partner finds sexiest. Despite the c-section scar, the expansive tummy, the streetmap stretchmarks and all the rest, he adores me. I am sure your DH will be the same :)

winnybella · 28/10/2010 10:17

Oh, and my body has changed for worse after 2 kids and I was apprehensive about letting go as well- I thought my withered breasts swinging about might put him off- nope. Men are really not wired like that.

MalificenceBloodandSand · 28/10/2010 10:20

That's right bicarb - when he's got his face between your legs, he ain't looking at your stretchmarks! Grin

If you are self concious about your tummy whilst on all fours, lie over a stack of pillows, it's comfy and your saggy tum disappears. Wink

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 28/10/2010 10:22

Oh lord, no lights here. It's usually much better if I'm in a different room entirely tbh.

Wish it wasn't that way.

Well done. You're doing a v positive thing.

frakkinstein · 28/10/2010 10:23

Try red light - veeeery flattering especially on stretchmarks (I discovered that one as a teen when I was riddled with them) and list of good associations with the red light districts Wink

stubbornhubby · 28/10/2010 10:25

surely sometimes you do it in daylight? Do you have blackout blinds?

TheDeadlyLampshade · 28/10/2010 10:25

lordy, no lights! And music to cover squelchy sounds
Grin

MalificenceBloodandSand · 28/10/2010 10:25

Yes, nothing better than feeling like a paid whore whilst having sex. Hmm

Original poster
lightsonlightsoff · 28/10/2010 10:27

Thank you all for the replies.

Orangina, mumble, george - candles sound perfect, so bloody simple, why didn't I think of that. :)

Malificence - we haven't had sex during the day for a very long time due to the dc, they're both under 3 and tend to be up early and the baby doesn't settle till 8pm or later.

Thank you all for the comments about him wanting the lights on as he wants to see me. Your all exactly right, I know that he adores me, I'm very lucky, and he has seen me from every angle, piles, stitches, cellulite included. It's definitely more about me, seeing myself in that light. I'm really uncomfortable with sex, although I enjoy it and I'm becoming more confident I struggle to talk about it and get embarrassed thinking about him seeing me doing it. I know I'm being stupid, it's not like he's going to laugh at me, quite the opposite, but I find it really quite frightening.

OP posts:
Original poster
lightsonlightsoff · 28/10/2010 10:34

Lots of x-posts.

Thedeadlylampshade - I actually think music would be a great idea to get in the mood though would be scared to make any noise in case we wake the dc. :o

Malificence - that's exactly where he's head likes to be :o

OP posts:
Faaamily · 28/10/2010 10:36

Low light is good.

MadAboutQuavers · 28/10/2010 10:37

Don't worry about it OP, your confidence will build

A couple of tealights or candles to start with will help

DP and I were having sex the other night in the dark, and I leaned over to switch the bedside light on so I could see him properly, and he could see me. It's not just about your body, though - looking into the eyes of the person you love is wonderful

And in case you were wondering whether I'm slender and 25, I'm actually 41 and 9 months pg. I know my DP thinks I look beautiful though

Deluded man Grin

overmydeadbody · 28/10/2010 10:41

I like low lighting during sex, I like to see everything, as does my BF, but everyone's different.

Loads of good suggestions already, especially candlelight and fairy lights! Well done on making so much progress already, I thionk with time you will get accostomed to lights on and improve your confidence.

Scaredandalone · 28/10/2010 10:44

What lighting there is has never bothered me. However if I am feeling uncomfortable I might buy a basque or another outfitthat covers up my hated bits and makes me feel more comfortable.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/10/2010 10:47

Blimey. We usually have sex with the light on. Actually, we probably usually have sex by daylight!

aDarkStarWithStrangeWays · 28/10/2010 10:48

Lights on, lights off, it's all good for me Grin

Great to hear that you're enjoying your improved sex life :) It is a wonderful confidence booster. If you're feeling self-conscious about what your DH can see, distract yourself by focusing on what you can see! Having the lights on gives you the opportunity to perve over him too, you know Grin

Butterbur · 28/10/2010 10:50

I think a pretty cami, or similar, will cover alot of the bits you don't like. I'm not going to say any more, because I think DD (12 and nosey) might have just have sussed out my username.

Original poster
lightsonlightsoff · 28/10/2010 10:55

Thank you again for all the responses. What I would give for some of your confidence.

The candle light and camis are a great compromise which I will definitely be using, though I think the issue is not so much my body, which I know he likes, but the thought of him seeing me have sex if that makes any sense.

OP posts:
frakkinstein · 28/10/2010 10:59

Do you never do role play, mal?? Grin I thought you were the queen of all things down and dirty. The red light district isn't just about paying for sex too - you can find all sorts of things there, including very naughty lingerie shops