Lights on during sex. Can you? Do you?

[lightsonlightsoff]

I'm a regular but a name changer as I find this stuff quite embarrassing.

My sex life with my dh has started to improve in the last few months after years of issues. I'm really excited about this and don't want to go back to our old routine as it's brought us much closer together and dh is raving about the changes.

However the issue is that when I asked him last night if he wanted to try anything different, the only thing he mentioned was to do it with the lights on. This is my worse nightmare as I have issues with my body and know I won't be able to let go with the lights on like I can in the dark. So, do I go with the lights on and risk the quality or stay in my safe zone in the dark?

I hate lights on but agree candles are a good compromise - I don't know why I worry too much as DH eyesight is rubbish, I'm just aware that I am wrong side of 40 with a body thats carried two big babies and shows it

daylight!!! aaahhhhhh!
Scary stuff!!

Find a nice silk scarf and blindfold him? Undress him and yourself then remove the blindfold as and when you feel comfortable.

I didn't feel wholly comfortable with my body until in a moment of madness I bit the bullet and we filmed ourselves ...not only do we look good together, we look happy together.

It did wonders for my confidence and we found humour together in the less desirable 'shots' .

Place a mirror so you can see yourself in action!

We had our own ahem issues, and I bought some nice underwear recently. It dawned on me last night, that there wasn't much point in even buying it because he wasn't exactly going to see it in the dark . I love the idea of the candle light though. But I am afraid to even try it for fear of him laughing at me . I know he probably wouldn't (and would probably be delighted) but if he did I would hide under the bed.

Female, approach it with humour yourself! Put on an act

Oh God I am just having visions of me doing a striptease and him in convulsions. I would be mortified. I think I am going to have to enlist the help of a few glasses of wine.

It depends on how I'm feeling tbh, low light is my fave, but I'm a big fan of afternoon sex so then I tend to hide under the covers until I'm erm into the swing of things and couldn't give two hoots what I look like whilst screaming like a banshee

If I'm feeling a bit fat or shy for whatever reason, I might turn the light off, makes a big difference. I wouldn't want to get into the habit of lights-off but neither of us mind it occasionally, helps lose inhibitions. DH likes to look into my eyes too.

Lights on, lights off, I dont care, you get so lost in the moment you forget anyway

Candles are nice, fairly lights round the bed, low watt coloured bulbs, some music, sexy undies, whatever you fancy really.

What I do know is your dh will not notice any marks or wobbly bits you hate, he will be thrilled you are so into the sex. That really is true.

Have fun

I'm the wrong side of forty too, and have had three big babies, and a miserable marriage which led to too much chocolate .
In my experience, confidence is THE sexiest thing to a man, they absolutley love it. They don't notice our wobbly bits nearly as much as we think they do, bless 'em.

Tips: if you have big boobs go on top. He will be so busy looking at them that he won't notice a less than washboard tummy, and anyway, he would have to strain a bit to see your tummy from being on his back.

As has already been said, if you are on all fours pull a few pillows under your tummy. It gives a little support and most importantly stops your tummy hanging down.

Alternatively kneeling on the floor at the side of the bed/settee and leaning on it has the same effect.

Raising your arms above your head lifts your boobs and flattens your tummy somewhat, great if you are on your back or on top.

You can fake confidence, and once you see how much he loves it it will come naturally and you will learn to love your body.

Enjoy

I remember getting myself all glamerous to give dh a treat when we had a rare night to ourselves. By the time I had perfected the sussies, make up and hair, i seductively wafted into the bedroom to find him asleep

Less is more.

Yes. Always.

I'd probably fall asleep if we turned them off

Candles = good.
Bedside light = bearable
Anything more than that = uncomfortable for me.

DH likes having a bit of light - the visuals of it appeal to him. But even he prefers candle/low level light to full light. Just as well really! [hsmile]

MAL - Am absolutely loving your namechange!

Female, I am the most shy person I knew.

Tomorrow, I plan to arrive at DP's door dressed as a saucy witch sexy wig, stockings, stilletto's and all!

We'll both laugh, it's meant to be fun

Female - I know exactly how you feel.

For me its not just the body but the face too. I find it difficult to let go when he's looking at my face. I am so lacking in self confidence :(

Again, thank you for all of your comments. I'm off out to see the mil, but will be reading later tonight. :)

Not sure if this helps or not, but DH seems to be much more interested in looking at my boobs/bum than at my face! Perhaps if you have the lights on (candles/dim bedside lamp v good idea!) but close your eyes if you start feeling too exposed it would help? Sometimes direct eye contact can feel weird (not sure why, but is true!), but if you bury your face in his shoulder/do it doggy-style/close your eyes it's fine.