Did you marry the first person you slept with?

[talleyrand]

Did you end up marrying the first person you slept with? If so, how did it work out, and how did that affect your marriage?

• Did you feel the bond was stronger because you had had no previous lover?

• Or did it create a subtle sense that you had missed out on some of the excitement that life has to offer?

On MN I often read people saying things along the lines of the first alternative, but for me, in retrospect, it was more like the second. Am I the only one?

For both my husband and I, we got married and then slept with each other, so we both are married to the first person we slept with. We are both very glad that neither of us have shared such intimacy with anyone else.

Mal I meant you had a point. Sorry posted and went out, otherwise i would have explained earlier.

For those that think they have missed out by only sleeping with one person as someone who has slept with a handful, and it is causing problems, I would say you are so not missing out.

I didn't marry the first person I slept with but I was going to. I was 17, we were together for 3 years until he broke up with me. I ended up marrying the second person I slept with, despite having boyfriends between the 2, and have always been quite proud of the fact that I am a '2 woman man'. Not to sound morally superior or like I'm judging anyone who has had lots of partners! My husband had a lot more partners than me, some of whom he didn't even remember, and I always felt that if I was going to be that intimate with someone I was going to be special to that person, they would always remember me for all the right reasons. My husband will always remember me, even if we break up, I have shared 5 years (so far) of his life, become the mother of his children, given him something he has always wanted and that makes me happier than a drunken, faceless fling. I have been tempted, I have felt a little like I have missed the 'wild, experimental stage' that a lot of people my age have had but honestly, it comparison to what I have instead it just doesn't seem worth it :)

victorianvalues well, I hope I haven't compromised my anonymity but - yes - I do worry about the slim chance that someone who knows me in RL could stumble across my posts on MN and recognise me. Could you have recognised me? Well, your username seems to be brand new, so I have no idea who you are, but to be honest I think it's very unlikely that you know me - and my wife does not read MN (so far as I know)

malificence your hostility to me is no doubt deserved - and I admit am not living the life I would have envisaged for myself.. But I would say that I think life is more complicated than the black and white world you seem to inhabit. And while my first post might have been that of a tosser, my purpose was to at least make it clear the situation I am posting from - so that you can ignore me if you like.

It is interesting reading the postings to my question: basically no one has any regrets. On either side.

Apart from me

For me: I don't think there is anything bad or silly about marrying your first lover, but actually I don't think it is ideal. But sometimes it's how life works out.

Tuh

OP, if you have regrets and are not happy

DO SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT IT

Descending into cheating, lying, self-justification through the words of tortured writers/poets as though only you understands the essence of what makes life liveable (ahh poor you), is what is commonly known as a COP OUT

You may think "poor me" because you wished things could have been different in your life, but at least you aren't being cheated on and lied to by your wife, who feels she's happier having sex with another man and posting about it on the internet FFS

Self pity, self indulgence, self absorption. It's all about you, isn't it?

OP, I once saw a thread to which both you and your OW allegedly contributed. As I recall, both of you are deceiving your spouses and on that thread at least, were justifying why you were doing this, bigging eachother up in the process.

I wonder have either of you ever reversed the situations and asked how you would both feel if your spouses were having an affair with one another and were using an internet forum to "stroke" eachother and criticise you two?

You might conclude that they were getting a twisted satisfaction from publicly poking you, getting fun from their "in joke". I wonder whether you would regard it as I do, a form of emotional abuse?

I hope that when they find out, your partners discover how cruel you have both been, so that they have more information about your characters, in the decisions they make going forward.

And they will find out, OP - don't delude yourself about that too

Truth will out, it always does

Yes. Married first man I slept with who I met at 18. We were best of friends for years(I don't mean that non-sexually - we did have sex). Late 20's - several miscarriages, finally had our baby after difficult pregnancy. Probably, was PND, undiagnosed, for a while, afterwards. Forward nearly 3 years after birth of DS, absolutely no sex life with H for 3 years. Man comes along and shows interest in me. Had affair. Marriage ended.

Sorry to butt in. Just got it off my chest!

That was irrelevant, I know. Different scenario.

WWIFN where? Where is that thread? Please? So the OW knows TR is posting on MN??????? Oh please find it. It would mean he is not who I am very worried he is......

In theory, I would have liked to, and it's nice to hear stories of people who have met their ideal partner in their teens and have enjoyed a long and happy marriage to date.

However, in reality, I was so shy that I never really dated, married my second boyfriend (a big mistake) but then I went on to marry my third, who I wish I'd met at the beginning, because he is so right for me. :)

We have discussed this as a couple as well, and though we both agree it would be nice not to have had other partners, it helps to compare and contrast our previous rubbish relationships with what we have now, and realise (and actually know from experience) just how lucky we are.

Oh thank God. Have found Talleyrandsow posts, and she is not who I was worried she was, so he is not who I hoped he wasn't. If that makes sense. Breathing out. I was terrified it was someone I knew, but was mortified to think he could ever have posted that kind of crap!