Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex Before Marriage

44 replies

piggyinthemiddle · 14/09/2005 14:07

I had a number of sexual partners before I married dh in my late 30's but I'm now starting to wish that I hadn't. When I look back the sex was only okay at best and I was doing it only because I felt everyone else was and so I had to as well. It's not as though I have any hang ups and the sex is very good with dh.

I was wondering if other women did in fact wait until they were married before having sex and if they were glad that they had done so, or whether other women feel like I do and have regrets. Also, do you think that a bf would stay with you if you said that you didn't want to have sex outside of marriage?

OP posts:
Hausfrau · 14/09/2005 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoolsToo · 14/09/2005 14:11

ditto hausfrau

I don't regret not sleeping with other guys either

sweetheart · 14/09/2005 14:12

I lost my vaginity to dh but I have slept with a few other men.

I'm glad I have had the experience of sleeping with other men as it allowed me to gain some wordly knowledge of something other than dh.

But I'm also glad that it was dh that I had my first experience with.

kelli22 · 14/09/2005 14:13

there are some i dont think i should have slept with but you live and learn, im happy that i did sleep with some other men though.

GeorginaA · 14/09/2005 14:15

Same as hausfrau & joolstoo - didn't wait until marriage (although we had been engaged for a year!) but only slept with dh and no regrets.

Bugsy2 · 14/09/2005 14:16

Dont regret what you've done pitm, it will not change anything or bring you any happiness. Try to see your experiences as making you sure that your dh was the one for you. Clearly your previous experiences don't compare to what you & your dh have - I'd be very happy about that.

vicimelly · 14/09/2005 14:16

But what if you married someone and then found out they were really bad in bed!

GeorginaA · 14/09/2005 14:18

vici: you both learn together Lots of fun

Thinking about it in more depth though, I think part of it is that I'm not a "regrets" person. I find regrets too much of a waste of energy and would rather enjoy what I have now than worry too much about what could be different.

MaloryTowers · 14/09/2005 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toothache · 14/09/2005 14:42

Okay, but what if you married a guy that wasn't only a bit crap in bed... but was totally impotent!?! Thats more than just learning together..... thats a serious problem and can affect every aspect of your life (especially ttc). Believe me I know!

I had never considered waiting until marriage, although I did lose my virginity to someone I was madly in love with and got engaged to.

GeorginaA · 14/09/2005 14:48

Hmm, but impotence can happen at any stage, can't it? There's no guarantees that just because you took him for a test drive that things would still be functioning well 10, 20 years down the line, is there?

And besides - there's degrees of no sex too...

I'm not saying it's the right way of doing things, by any stretch of the imagination. But I do get a bit fed up about people thinking you're some sort of freak just because you've only ever had one partner and are perfectly happy about that. It was right for us.

Toothache · 14/09/2005 14:53

GA - There is a big difference between impotence happening later in a more established relationship (perhaps with children already)...... and finding out your new husband has a medical condition that might mean he could never get an erection. Unless of course he had spoken about it before hand.

kama · 14/09/2005 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kama · 14/09/2005 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kelli22 · 14/09/2005 15:03

i think sex is part of your relationship and you need to be compatable just as you do in other ways that help you decide if you want to share your life with that one person forever, for instance you could have very different sex drives which i think is as much of a problem as you wanting children in the near future and him not ever wanting children.
if that made any sense at all...

Listmaker · 14/09/2005 15:11

I've slept with lots of men and having never been married can never wish I had waited!!! But there are a lot that I should probably not have slept with but as others have said what's done is done and it makes me even more happy now that I have met someone really special at last (at the age of 40). There's no point moping about wishing things had been different. They are how they are. I know that I will never sleep with anyone else again other than my dp and just have to look to the future.

It is a bit shameful because he was married and faithful to the same woman for 26 years but had a few before her (he started much younger than me!). But I can't change it and it's made me quite open and uninhibited in bed I think (which he seems to appreciate ).

Also my dp is the only one I've done some things with which helps a bit to block out the past.

Dior · 14/09/2005 15:15

Message withdrawn

Easy · 14/09/2005 15:16

This is interesting. Mainly because there was a thread somewhere a while ago asking how many partners you had been with, and I seemed to be a freak having had only 4 (not married until I was 32)

Now it seems a few of you have only had one partner, so I feel less 'inadequate'.

Toothache · 14/09/2005 15:17

Easy - Your posting name doesn't really fit the bill then does it?

Easy · 14/09/2005 15:19

Kama, I do consider sex a 'sacred thing', it is totally intimate, you are very vulnerable to everything whilst having sex.

I believed I was in love with all my partners but one, a one night stand which I regret immensely. I regard sex as 'making love', and should be done in love.

Easy · 14/09/2005 15:21

No Toothache, thats part of the irony of my MN name (its a b?gger now at meet-ups too, "hello, I'm Easy" )

kama · 14/09/2005 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GeorginaA · 14/09/2005 15:25

Toothache - but waiting for marriage (not that I did, lol) doesn't mean not knowing if your partner can get an erection or not. You can do loads before full intercouse...

Easy · 14/09/2005 15:33

Georgina, friends of our waited, and yes, from what little they have said, they knew each other 'pretty intimately', altho' technically they were virgins on their wedding night.

Fio2 · 14/09/2005 15:39

I have only had 4 partners who i have had full sex with aswell 9from what i remember) and I dont regret not sleepinf with loads of guys and wish i didnt sleep with 2 of the people I did sleep with