Sex Before Marriage

[piggyinthemiddle]

I had a number of sexual partners before I married dh in my late 30's but I'm now starting to wish that I hadn't. When I look back the sex was only okay at best and I was doing it only because I felt everyone else was and so I had to as well. It's not as though I have any hang ups and the sex is very good with dh.

I was wondering if other women did in fact wait until they were married before having sex and if they were glad that they had done so, or whether other women feel like I do and have regrets. Also, do you think that a bf would stay with you if you said that you didn't want to have sex outside of marriage?

Have had other partners before DH, but can count them on one hand - one I definitely wish I hadn't slept with (well I say slept - he never stayed the night. Can honestly say that DH makes me the happiest.

There's a saying I rather like which seems appropriate here...

Better to regret the things you have done, than the things you haven't.

PITM, don't you think that if you hadn't had a number of sexual partners before your DH then you might be on here posting the converse question 'Do you regret not sleeping with anyone before your DH'. Clearly some of the answers on this thread show that you might not have done, but since you didn't marry your DH until your late 30s I suspect that you might have.

You may be right, Tabs. I think that looking back I didn't really want to do it but felt I had to to keep my man and that's a bit sad isn't it. I quite envy women who stay with their first partner all their lives because they haven't had the negative experiences that I've had.

I hadn't thought that 9 was many but now I'm starting to think it's quite a lot.

But do you think that the "okay sex" could also been the factor of your age and experience at the time? Dh and my sexual relationship has definitely matured with age (we were married in our early twenties and we are now in our early thirties) - could be very easy to compare an experience with one man in your twenties with your dh now in your late thirties, whereas maybe if you'd married your dh in your twenties the sex then might have been only "okay" - maturing to "wow" as you got older and more experience of life and love?

No regrets - the person you are today had to get here by precisely the route you took - who knows, if you hadn't, maybe you'd never even have MET your dh and wouldn't that have been a loss?

PITM - I don't think 9 is that many. You should search for the thread that someone else refers to about how many people you've slept with - there are definitely plenty with more than 9. It's quite easy to rack up the numbers if you don't meet 'Mr Right' until later in life, and particularly if you've been to university I think, where acceptable moral standards can be a bit askew from the 'outside world'.

You're right on that one and I did go to university.

I think that what saddens me is that I wasn't really happy doing it even at the time and it was more down to peer pressure - that's sad.

It is - but isn't that part of growing up too?

I certainly care far less about what people think about me than I did 10 years ago. It's taken me 10 years to realise that it doesn't matter all that much, and I'm sure I'll need another 10 years to care even less And when I'm in my 80s I can be one of those bloody minded old ladies with a purple rinse, shaking my stick at everyone

Good god 9 isn't that many! I was approaching 30 sexual partners when I met DH. I had a great time at Uni!

Now I'm feeling left out.......... lol

PITM I do think it's sad that you felt you had to sleep with guys to keep them.

When I was 17 and my parents discovered I was sleeping with my boyfriend, my father gave me a talking to.
He said "Are you happy about this" and I was. then he said "Then that's fine. But I want you to promise me that you will only ever sleep with a man because YOU want to, not because he expects it, or because you'll lose him if you don't."

It was a promise I kept. Funny I had a rocky relationship with my father, but still remember and respect that conversation.

My Dh went to uni and slept with A LOT! However, he has never had a full time girlfriend until me and we have been together for 4 years. Sex at first with him was just awful, very bull in china shop but has since become fantastic. I have slept with 7 so guessing I'm pretty average. (Had a bit of a mad moment after splitting with my ex and slept with 4 in a month though!)

MIL is strict catholic and thinks we waited til we got married (even though we were living together?!)

DH's family are quite strict Catholic.... but we couldn't really fool them when I got pregnant with ds 7 months after we'd met.

I am not married and have a dd so looks like I didn't wait.

I don't regret any of the men I have slept with, some were better than others though!

Toothache! YOU are so RIGHT about the impotence thing... My mums' first husband was a diabetic and couldn't get an erection, something she found out AFTER they were married as they had waited. She said he it was him it really bothered, he was really angry, etc and drove them apart.

I generally feel I did what felt right at the time.

LOL Toothache!

Chloe, how charmingly sweet of your MIL. I bet she knows in her heart of hearts, but is happy believing you saved yourselves.