It has just dawned on me that my husband has absolutely no idea how hard I work looking after three kids under 4 whilst running my own business. I want to punch the useless twat !!

[OnEdge]

I am looking after a 3 year old, a 16 month old and a 7 weeks old day and night. I do the nights because he has to be fresh for work in the morning.

I also run my own business which brings home around the same money each month as him

I have just asked him to do some long overdue jobs tomorrow including putting a blind up. He said he could not do that and look after the kids I asked him why not. I have to do all the daily chores whilst looking after them and on little or broken sleep.

We have had the baby 7 weeks and have not sent out the birth announcement cards yet because we have lost the address book. His sister is coming round tomorrow with hers so I just asked him if he would write down allof his family's address`s straight onto the envelopes and he got really cross. He said " Oh RIGHT !! Thats ANOTHER job for me to do !"

So it hasn't occured to him that if he doesn't do it I will have to and that that is OK ??? I feel like a second rate person now.

It has just made me realise he is cluless as to what goes on in this house every day and the division of labour is very far from equal.

What a cunto !

The trouble is he is a very charming lovable cunto.

make a list of things to be done including your job and his. Then go through with him and take one each in turn until you work through list. My DW has pressure job + child care. I have very high pressure job as well so we both have to pull our weight.

OP - you made me [hgrin]

It isn't just you, I feel (a bit) of your pain too.

DH's helpful contribution to the laundry is to turn the machine off at the switch once the cycle is over. That is all. He doesn't load the machine, take the clothes out to dry etc. No, just hits the button on the wall.

When DS was a newborn I asked DH to dress him. From downstairs I heard, "Where are the vests, sleepsuits etc?" I told him and 5 mins later he was down with a dressed DS. He turned to me proudly and said that it'd be easier for him if I labeled DS's drawers so he knew where things were.... I had labeled the drawers! DH just hadn't opened his eyes to look.

Urgh!

Last week, i found myself multi tasking, I was rocking baby with foot, expressing my milk with a pump, cooking supper and talking to a customer on the phone.

Good god [awe] [awe]

You do realise you could double your income by writing a weekend column for one of the papers? You're funny and it sounds like you've got plenty to say

Suggestions:

1. Keep the cleaner. It sounds as though she's going to get your house properly clean, then she'll be able to keep the whole place shiny in her 3 hours. You don't find many like that.

1. Write him the list (or show him your thread)

1. Point out that, as you're already a single working mum to all intents & purposes, he is surplus to requirements.

1. Offer him a choice between learning how his own household works - and joining in - or the easy life ... in a small flat, on his own.

1. Request a supremely luxurious treat for you both, to be planned & executed with care by HIM, as partial recompense for all the aggro you've put up with.

1. Send your posts to the supplement editors, with a proposal for a weekly column (suggested title "Cunto")!

Op, you are seriously funny. I have flu at the moment, but your posts made me laugh so hard, that my dh now thinks that i am faking my illness. What a cunto.

Hi girls, oh yes, the nights I've spent dreaming of having a "new man" apparently they DO exist. They help with the childcare, do the washing, cook and occasionally hoover. Where can I get one of these men? Actually I have a nice man only problem is; he's just like all the rest, "I go to work, so all the other stuff's yours to do"....I have been trying to juggle work and kids for years, I have stopped at 2 kids, have reduced my working hours and do the bare minimum around the house.... I have finally reached my happy medium! Oh; and I don't buy presents any more - occasionally I send birthday cards and have been known to forget some, but hey, those that truly love you will forgive this, I don't have time for those who don't x

OP - you are very funny.

To make the point, you could perhaps offer to swap him 2 weeks of complete relaxation for him for one week of him doing everything.

"I did a tesco order on line at 03.00 last week and fell asleep and lost the fekkin lot " ...[hgrin]

Hows Cunto been today?

You have got NO sympathy from me whatsoever for your sitaution!

You are responsible for creating this situation really. Why should your husband do more around the house / more childcare if you can be relied upon to make up the shortfall?

I have to laugh because your OP almost sounds like you've had this epiphany and all of a sudden you've realised that you're not happy with the situation that you have allowed to evolve and now you're throwing your toys out of the pram!

I mean, really...

bit harsh smiledotcom ?

Perhaps.

The OPs situation sounds horrible to me! Despite that I don't sympathise with her at all because I can see that she is instrumental in its evolution.

I have a friend in very similar situation and I have no sympathy with her either!
Her OH wouldn't last 5 mins with me and my OH would probably love "basking" at hers.

I think a lot of men will shirk their household/childcare responsibilities if they think they can get away with it - they won't feel guilty about it either!

I've just never let mine get away with it so he's fully house-trained now and my situation couldn't be more different from the OP's .

well whoop de doop for you smiledotcom aren't you just the perfect 'wife' and mother!

Perhaps the OP doesn't want or need your sympathy, and perhaps she doesn't really give a fig what you think? Talking about your OH as if he's a dog makes you sound a bit of a fool actually.

Well, I have just got up from a lie in until 11.30. Well a pretend one, i was upstairs re doing the Tesco shop, what a luxury.

Then I was distracted by baby SCREAMING and SCREAMING, I tried to ignore the milk trickling down my belly and onto new mattress and in the end I could take it no longer. I rushed downstairs to see what the problem was and apparantly, according to Cunto the 7 week old baby was "In one !" Nothing to do with the fact that she was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep but had got wind !

Seriously - you're very funny and awesomely competent, but I don't know why you put up with it.

Well I am happy really, its just that the other night he made me really cross and I had to write it all down and get some pats on the head feedback.

why dint my strike out work then?

I think you need to -- every word, both sides.

at the trickling milk

When my son was BF last year, I was stood talking to my neighbour in my nightie at the front door, and I thought what the fuck is THAT ??

We looked down and milk was splashing onto my foot

Luckily she is a Farmer's wife and they have cows so she understood.

He sounds like an immature twat, to put it bluntly. Tell him I said so!

OnEdge youre too funny

Guys

Funny and all but a couple serious points.

Communication - don't knock it till you've tried it. Not nagging but an honest "let me tell you what I'm going through and what it would mean to me if you worked with me as a team".

Second - role model. Does your DH have one? Is there a relationship you know where there is a fair balance? It makes a huge difference if he can actually see what you are talking about. If not the issue could be that he thinks the current setup is just 'normal'.

Third. It can work because I live it every day. I put in just as much time and effort as DP to help look after the house and kids. There is a tradeoff for her though. I don't earn as much since I spend as much time a work. I have to be treated as an equal partner and that means sharing choices in how things work. It also means she has zero moaning rights since I am also up in the night, up first thing in morning, and taking just as many punches as she is.

Just some food for thought. Hope you find the right balance.