Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

does anyone elses partner have the need to stay at his mates every weekend to get drunk??

53 replies

Lozza83 · 22/10/2010 16:26

Hi,

Reason i'm asking this is because on one hand i think i am over reacting and on the other i feel like he should want to be with me. He stays out almost every weekend and hardly even bothers to call to let me know he is thinking about me. He usually turns off his phone claiming to have run out of battery or not have reception. We have been together roughly 4 months and he stays here most of the time during the week but he doesn't live with me. He says that he does love me but i can't help be worried - he could quite easily be seeing someone else at at the same time even though he says that he isn't. He just says that he likes his lads time to play computer and get drunk. He is 28 by the way....

thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
colditz · 22/10/2010 18:16

He's shagging someone else and using you for laundry.

oldhagsheadless · 22/10/2010 18:19

Err in short no.

Not once in five years except stag weekends.

CoupleofKooks · 22/10/2010 18:20

i wonder if he has a family he lives with at weekends? something really fishy here

JamieLeeCurtis · 22/10/2010 18:23

Damn, SF got in with "cocklodger" first

GeekOfTheWeek · 22/10/2010 18:32

FFS this is not a relationship.

He doesn't love you or your dd.

He is using you for a fuck/laundry/a roof, mon to thus, and then being single every weekend.

Grab your self respect and run like fuck. This will bring nothing but misery for you and your daughter.

ScaryFucker · 22/10/2010 18:53

OP, prove me wrong here in thinking you are not going to come back to this thread because you have been told something you really didn't want to hear

2010Dad · 22/10/2010 23:16

Lozza83,

You can do much better, I promise. This guy sounds like a loser.

I'm 32 and met my wife when I was 15. I adored her, and after 4 months of being together, she couldn't have got rid of me if she wanted to!

The sooner you dump this man, the better.

DioneTheDiabolist · 22/10/2010 23:25

Lozza, you are only 4months into this relationship. You and he should be in a honeymoon/lustfilled state of happiness. Instead, he is using you during the week and escaping at the weekend to do whatever he wants.

Sweetie, he is using you and then trying to make you feel guilty. Get rid. He's no good for you or your DC. Sorry.

minouminou · 22/10/2010 23:28

He is, in fact, only a part-time cocklodger...he's not even committed to lodging his cock.
Ditch.

2rebecca · 22/10/2010 23:33

Agree that this is not a partnership and he's a cocklodger (one of the better words I've learned on mumsnet!)
If at 28 he doesn't enjoy spending weekends with you then he never will.
Find someone who enjoys your company.
I'm not a believer in couples doing everything together, but never wanting to spend a weekend with you and sounding as though he has more fun with his mates does make him sound childish, boring and not that into you.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/10/2010 23:39

You think you are in a relationship.

I promise you, that that isn't how he sees it.

You are someone he is shagging - in short he is using you. Are you using condoms, because otherwise I would go and get tested as it is highly likely that he is shagging around at the weekends.

Please get rid and start to get some self-esteem back again.

Original poster
Lozza83 · 23/10/2010 08:50

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies, yep scaryfucker i haven't done a runner i just didn't realise there was a second page till this morning..oops! lol well to be honest i'm shocked by all the replies because he really made me believe it was me being over the top lol. I know i must be mad and he really has pulled the wool over my eyes i'm just the dumbarse who believed him.

well thanks again guess i know what i have to do but to be honest i don't think i'm there yet..i'm holding on with everything i have. I so enjoy our time together...guess i'm just a loser holding on to false hope!

xxx

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 23/10/2010 09:01

Sounds about right tbh.

Hope it doesn't affect your dd too much.

Giddyup · 23/10/2010 09:04

I agree with everyone else that you need to show this person the door, but unfortunately it doesn't sound like you are ready for that yet.

Why not stop seeing him in the week, so he doesn't need "space from you at the weekend"? Then surely he will be desperate to see you at weekends when you can concentrate on having fun together?

He will have plenty of time to hang out with his mates in week, if he still isn't up for you and your daughter at weekends (which I strongly suspect will be the case) then you will see where you fall in his pecking order.

Although, 4 months into a relationship I wouldn't think it ideal to be together all the time anyway, it just seems like you are there to fill his mid week boredom. As you don't live together surely spending 1 night of the weekend together and a couple of evenings in the week is a more normal balance? I am a bit out of touch, but I think that is how DP and I started off when we got together.

ScaryFucker · 23/10/2010 11:03

you are still hanging on ?

after 4 months ? still hanging on ??

how needy and desperate you sound, you might as well have "mug, use me" tattoo-ed on your forehead

fgs, find someone else, but try not to introduce him into your family set-up until you are 110% sure the next one isn't going to take you (and your daughter) for a ride too

TrillianSlasher · 23/10/2010 11:10

That's not a partner. He might just about qualify for boyfriend, but not partner.

And that's not a need. It's something he wants to do. Eventually he will have to choose between that and actually being in a grownup relationship with you.

perfumedlife · 23/10/2010 11:39

What is wrong with women thses days?Angry

What happened to girl power, having it all?

Did feminism get forgotten so fast? Women in tthe Victorian age had it bad, few rights pre Pankhurts but they had no rights, no choice

Women have all sorts of freedoms, rights and eare entitled to respect. Why in god's name are so few standing up for it?

Very depressed after reading this and other current threads in Relationsips. Sad

perfumedlife · 23/10/2010 11:40

Sorry for typos, angry fingers Blush

Tortington · 23/10/2010 11:44

if you cling to someone you reingforce their sense of entitlement and self esteem whilst depleting your own.

there should be a treat 'em mean9(ish) attitude.

the whole dating thing is an animalistic dance which is done for sex. if you look at it this way, then if you do your own thing and keep them running to you, you get the one that truly deserves your affection and vagina.

but phoning every two minutes, and harping on about whether he loves you or not is ust pathetic. i mean that in a literal sense - i;m not just being mean - although it;s harsh.

don't phone him, go out with your mates, have a good time and put some time into your intrests, i'll eat my own ars if he isn';t sniffing around in a week

emmab5 · 23/10/2010 11:54

You've only known him 4 months - Listen to what everyone is saying to you. His behaviour will only get worse. Is this the role model you want for your DC?

GET RID, GET RID, GET RID NOW!!!!!

Original poster
Lozza83 · 23/10/2010 12:41

Hi ladies,

I'm not expecting him to ring every 5 minutes to tell me he loves me but turning his phone off for like 3 or 4 days with no warning or a lame excuse tha he has no signal or his battery ran out. To be honest i know that you are all angry with me for being taken for a mug and i would be like that too normally. But thats just it i'm not my normal self...i don't seem to have any self respect anymore. Maybe it's all i am worth right now :(

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 23/10/2010 12:43

if you have that attitude, you will be targeted by users and players (and also abusers)

is that a good thing for your children to witness ? to copy in their own future relationships ?

you need to get some help in RL to address why you feel this kind of non-relationship is all you are fit for

please see your GP and ask for some counselling for yourself

emmab5 · 23/10/2010 13:14

Listen to SF - she talks sense

lou33 · 23/10/2010 13:28

I have been with my bf for about 10 months. He spends every weekend with me, i am the one who says he should be seeing his mates sometimes too. Even when he does he will still contact me once or twice during his night out, and he will come see myself and my kids the next day without fail.

Agree with everyone who says this man is not in a relationship with you.

Original poster
Lozza83 · 23/10/2010 13:39

ok thank you. I went to my gp yesterday, my AD's have been upped and i have been referred to mental health team for councelling. hopefully i will feel better and become stronger soon. I'm sorry for making anyone angry i did think i was exagerating though when i got angry with him for not wanting to spend his time with me thats why i started this post in the first place..... xx

OP posts: