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Original poster

Grandmothers favouring certain grandchildren

30 replies

Angeliz · 13/08/2003 21:57

Hi, i'm writing this under a new thread as i think i did it wrong before! Does nyone feel their mum seems to favour other grandkids.....and since no-one replied the first time i'm starting to feel even more guilty!!!!!!!!11

OP posts:
whymummy · 13/08/2003 21:58

tell us more angeliz

Wills · 13/08/2003 22:01

Not specifically my mum as there is only one grandchild (my dd, although bump is due in 10 days) at the moment but her mother, my Nan, certainly did. She favoured me at first and I found it awful. It put a complete barrier between me and my cousins and when she showed favourtism between me and my brother (to whom I'm extremely close) it was the final straw. My second child is due soon and I'm not sure my dm realises it but already she's making statements like "Oh I do hope its another girl - don't want any more boys - girls are far more fun!".

Hope others respond to your thread as it will be interesting to read.

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:03

I have a dd 2and a half and my sis has two boys, it's been going on for well over a year now,(sisters boys are 1 and 2) and my dd always seems to come last but as i have such a good relationship with my mum i try to ignore it........there was one time i'll never forget when i took dd to docs for someting and she said she would need an operation(not major but worrying none the less) As my dp was away working i went to visit mum with dd! My mum basically said "oh i cant beleive it...must go your sister is waiting for nappies"

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Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:06

there was another time that my dp seemed to notice too that my mum had the boys ten days on the go,(babysitting), and dd didn't get a look in! My dp gets on great with her but is noticing it ALOT, i'm more worried that my dd will notice soon as once she said to me that gran was the boys mum!

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whymummy · 13/08/2003 22:07

my mum had one grandson from my sister then i had ds and my mum never showed any favouritism until i had a dd and she went bananas!!! shes a lovely grandmother to all of them but she does favour dd and i dont think she realised but when she visited us i felt really sorry for ds so on her last visit i told her and she was horrified as she didn`t know she had been so over the top with dd and made sure she treated both my children the same

linzoid · 13/08/2003 22:07

Angeliz, is this your younger sister you are talking about here or is she older?

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:09

My sis used to work 3 days a week but now it's only 2 mornings but nothing seems to have changed! I dont NEED mums help, just want her to treat them equal,,,,my dd gets one afternoon a week with her and thats it,(i dont need more you understand it would just be nice for her to be spontanious now and again with my dd as she is with the boys)

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Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:10

i am the youngest have two older sisters but i have ALWAYS been seen as the sensible one who needs no help! I can live with that but dont want dd to be affected by it

OP posts:
Wills · 13/08/2003 22:10

Is your sister more needy than you? Is your mum feeling like she can step in with your sister but not with you?

Wills · 13/08/2003 22:12

Opps - paths crossed. So basically yes! If thats it then possibly its related to your sister rather than your dd and simply pointing it out to your mother might make her extra cautious not to show this to dd.

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:13

whymummy,,,,my dd was born first "the first grandchild" and then sis had her first boy a few weeks later. It all seemed equal for a few months.........

OP posts:
whymummy · 13/08/2003 22:13

angeliz have you told your mum how you feel,i really didn`t know how to tell my mum but got some good advice from some mumsnetters and i did tell her,made all the difference

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:14

wills, you are right about my sister being more needy but if i say it outright to my mum,,,,she will CRY! I have bit my toungue for ages thinking that surely she will notice soon,,,,,,,,,,i guess i do NEED to say something..........

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fio2 · 13/08/2003 22:15

My MIL favours my SIL only child(my nephew) but I am pressuming its because she has and still is bringing him up. Also I think because it is her daughters child she is bound to feel closer because she has more of a 'say' in things. Of course though with my Mum both of mine are her favourites as they are her only grandchildren I feel a bit sorry for my two though on the grandparent front, dh's father has died and MIL is always pre-occupied and my Dad is complete pratt who doesnt want to know because he is too young to be a grandad (his words not mine!). There is only really my Mum and Stepdad who is bothered, but I suppose thats more than some kids get.

linzoid · 13/08/2003 22:16

Well that's my theory out then. I am the onlyn one who has produced any grandchildren so far but i find that my mum favours my older child most definately. It really annoys me but when i once pointed it out my mum was really upset and then made an effort to cover it up.

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:16

I cant say anything for a few weeks as she is worrid about abotu a health issue.(FEEL EVEN MORE GUILTY NOW).

OP posts:
whymummy · 13/08/2003 22:18

don`t feel guilty,it really ,really bothered me for a long time,is only natural

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:19

It's everything coming to a head really, they(my mum and dad) used to come for BBQ's, the odd curry,and my mum would come and have a glass of wine and sleep over when my dp was working away,,,now it's ALL stopped....dp keeps asking if it's him

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Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:21

I am so glad people agree as i have wanted to ask for ages..........i DISTINCTLY remember one gran of mine favouring another grandchild and,well i didnt like her very much!

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fio2 · 13/08/2003 22:22

my Gran still favouritises my cousin and it drives me mad

whymummy · 13/08/2003 22:28

so maybe your sister felt the same then and told her,your mum felt so guilty about it she now is totally devoted to her kids,could that be the reason?

Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:31

i dont think so...the wierd thing is i get it from both sides.my sister saying that my mum interferes more with her, just taking the boys and sometimes i just want to SCREAM at my sis GOD if you had it the other way around you wouldn't know what had hit you

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Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:31

i dont think so...the wierd thing is i get it from both sides.my sister saying that my mum interferes more with her, just taking the boys and sometimes i just want to SCREAM at my sis GOD if you had it the other way around you wouldn't know what had hit you

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Original poster
Angeliz · 13/08/2003 22:34

It seems to me that even the time my mum sees my dd i constantly hear comments like, oh the boys would like this or taht toy........i feel petty but it's really syarting to bug me and my dp isnt one to dramatise but i think he's getting a bit annoyed too!

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whymummy · 13/08/2003 22:41

has your mum critisised the way your sister deals with the children?,maybe your mum thinks she wouldnt cope without her help or because she has two and theyre so young she feels like she must help her more?whatever it is is not fair on your dd and when you feel is appropriate you should talk to her is difficult because you dont want to sound as if youre jealous of your sister,just tell her that you and your family miss her visits