New here - be gentle

[WATeresaPerkins]

Hi all

My name is Teresa and I'm 19 (20 in November) with a DS aged 2 and another baby due in April. I've been with my DP for 4 years now and I'm concerned its coming to the end now. He is a nice enough guy, most of the time, but is starting to lack interest in me and our DS and spend alot more time with his friends. I don't have a problem with this except that this Sunday is our 4 year anniversary and he's ditching me to go out with 3 'school' friends.

I don't want to keep him under the thumb but surely ditching me on our anniversary should leave me thinking.

What would all you ladies do?

T x

hi

Is he aware that it is your anniversary? Mine wouldn't have a clue if I didn't tell him

He does yes - I have made sure he is aware. He's been told enough - his only response was: "sorry babe, this has been planned since July/August"

could you celebrate it the day after or before?

With a two year old and a baby on the way, maybe now is not the best time to rock the boat if it isn't absolutely necessary IYSWIM

Now would be a good time for you both to go out now and again together if someone will babysit for you, strengthen your bonds. When the new baby is there, you will have so little time.

Say to him "No, I'm sorry, babe, this has been planned since "

Is he young also? Does he know how important it is for you? Did you have something specific you wanted to do?

I wasn't looking to rock the boat. My mother has said she will look after my DS and I know that once the next one comes we'll lack time together cause the kids come first, as my DS does now. I had wanted us to go for a meal and maybe to the cinema or something, do what we did when we were 15. Its been so long since we've had a night out like that.

Problem in celebrating the day before and after is our work. He is a builder and does alot of work on Saturdays - god knows why because no one else he works with seems to and he is out at 8am on a Monday so by the time he gets in he is "too tired". I work aswell and so does my mum so its not very often that we can get a night out together. I am just so disappointed and hurt by the fact he is blowing me off to see mates who live merely 10 miles away so he can go to the pub like he does every Sunday.

I understand you.

How come this has been planned since July/August if it is just a night out at the local pub though?

This sounds really unfair on you. It's only one night a year.

How old is he T?

Because it isnt a night out - Its a day out. He is heading out at about 1130 and he won't be back in until 7 or 8. He's football crazy you see and living in the area I do, football can be somewhat dominating

HMOH - He's 20. We had a brilliant weekend away for his birthday in July and now as circumstances have it, such a repeat for our anniversary and my birthday just aren't possible.

I think he needs to re-think his priorities but if this has been planned for a while and is a full day out, maybe he can make it up to you?

A day out somewhere nice together, flowers, chocolates, shoes, or whatever you like, the works!!!

I understand why you are upset but I'm not sure that you'll be able to change his mind.

it's your birthday as well?

ZZZenAgain - My birthday is November, but obviously the weekend of partying etc is out of the question with the baby on the way :(

HMOH - I guess your right and its probable that he forgot when he planned this day that out was our anniversary.
I'll make sure his wallet suffers in retalliation, not sure we can really afford too much though with money being tight, thats why I wanted something cheap and cheerful

In my experience, some men just don't compute re anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

So, let him go out with his friends but make sure he makes it up to you by doing what you want.

I suppose that's fair enough - I just hate being blown off for football

There are a lot of football mad partners on MN this week!

I blame David Cameron!

I don't think this signals the end of your relationship, but you probably should talk to him about how you feel.

What does it have to do with David Cameron

Everything is his fault, everything in the whole world.

Just kidding.

Personally I just blame Scottish football. I don't see how DC could possibly get the blame for that one.

Then you're not thinking hard enough.

Shiley - [hgrin]

Who the hell is Shiley?

Shirley, sorry. [hblush]

I still fail to see your point Shirley

Sorry about that Teresa Perkins. I was just being a little bit light hearted and "cheeky".

Please accept my deep apologies for any offence I may have caused by mentioning David Cameron, may his name never be spoke again on this thread.

GOOD LUCK THOUGH! and all that!

I think that perhaps other problems are making this anniversary problem seem worse?

Sounds to me like he's spending more and more time with his friends in general and that's pissing you off so the whole anniversary thing is the last straw?

I think maybe you need to sit down with him and explain how much it's upsetting you but also could it be that perhaps he is aware things will be changing a lot when the baby comes and he will have less free time, so maybe 'allowing' him this one weekend (and celebrating the next week instead) would be for the best?

On the other hand perhaps he's one of these people who thinks it's ok to carry on life as normal even once the baby has arrived, in which case I think you really do need to sit down and talk to him about changing his ways in the future, specially if he's been stepping up with his social engagements over recent months.

Shirley - I have not taken any offence, I just cannot understand the reference or the humour behind it, probably just my lack of knowledge