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Original poster

Right or wrong to feel a bit odd about this?

62 replies

EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 17/10/2010 14:35

DP has told me that he's going away to another city (where we used to live) for the night "to help a friend out". He won't tell me who the friend is or what he will be doing there. I do know it's a moveable feast as he is working out with me when is an ok time for him to go (to fit round other arrangements). And he says he is keeping the secret for the friend's sake - but he will be able to tell me in a few weeks time.

Don't suspect anything fishy because I trust him, and because we are both away for work a lot, so no need to give me this (what would be totally rubbish) excuse if he was sneaking off with another woman. Plus he promises he will tell me when he can.

He won't tell me who the friend is, or even whether they are male or female.

How would you feel about it?

He is very loyal to his friends and the "would do anything to help anyone out" type.

He is getting annoyed with me being freaked out by this and thinks I should give him some "respect and space". Am not the jealous type AT ALL btw.

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 18/10/2010 22:42

well yes, ruby, it doesn't sound like a "dump him" offence

but like I said earlier, I would be asking myself the question "why doesn't he trust me enough to tell me?"

it seems like the trust is rather one-way here < just my assessment of the situation >

I reckon summat out of left-field is looming for EvilAnts though Grin

Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 18/10/2010 23:20

Oh jesus SF - like what? Shock

Can only avoid dying of curiosity by assuming it's something reeeeeally dull. A decision about sock colour for example, or a need to unblock the drains.

OP posts:
yesyouknowme · 18/10/2010 23:35

i am very relieved there are still people in the world who can keep a confidence and who don't think "it doesn't count" to tell a spouse

I would not be worried at all. Curious, yes.
I hope you can tell us when all is revealed!

ZZZenAgain · 18/10/2010 23:44

unless you have a birthdaycoming up and he is planning a surprise party, it is a bit odd. Even so, he could have made less of a mystery of it all.

Even if he doesn't tell you what he is doing, why can he not say who he is helping? That's not breaking a confidence, is it? Sounds like a nutjob to me.

Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 19/10/2010 00:15

[hgrin] nutjob - nah he's alright really.

Just annoyingly good at keeping secrets, the fucker.

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 19/10/2010 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 14:04

yes and then go and do something infuriatingly cryptic yourself.

Go and plot it now

FakePlasticTrees · 19/10/2010 15:19

Erm, who does he think he is? A low rent James Bond? Seriously, what the fuck could it be that you can't know about it?

I'd be really angry at this. He's basically saying "I am completely trustworthy, so you have no reason to worry what I'll be up to, but on the otherhand, you can't be trusted to keep a secret."

At the very least, I'd tell him that when you find out in a few weeks time, if it turns out to be he was with an ex doing handholding, he's out on his ear, and if it was something illegal, he's out on his ear. I'd also tell him he obviously doesn't trust you, and that's a huge problem in your relationship you two will have to work on.

But then, if DH did something like this, I'd either get it out of him in advance, (I'd wear him down eventually) or really make him grovel afterwards for being such a sneeky poo.

FakePlasticTrees · 19/10/2010 15:20

Of course, the above is based on the assumption that you aren't a complete blabber mouth and that you would be able to keep a secret if told...

Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 19/10/2010 15:41

Thanks, that's a touching assumption [hgrin]

When I do find out what it was I'll be better able to deal with it. I suspect we'll be having a chat about the fact that I'm not down with him sodding off who knows where, and that it is not very normal behaviour.

The thing is, if his friend (not ex, unless he has a secret gay past, as he has now finally confirmed it's a man) hasn't specified that it's to be kept from me, then why would DP assume it is? If I told my close friend something in confidence I would assume that her DH was going to be in on it unless otherwise stated.

And if his friend has specified not to tell me - WTF?

OP posts:
Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 19/10/2010 15:44

If it was his ex that he was seeing (as I originally wondered) he would be swiftly invited to fuck the fuck off. That really would be out of order. He is thick about women trying it on with him as well - he just doesn't notice, it has to be seen to be believed Angry

Anyway, ahem, it's not her.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 15:45

he needs a little watching for his own good. lol

investigate further

Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 19/10/2010 15:52

"she's trying it on with you...she's trying it on with you...she's trying it on with you..."

"She tried me kiss me!"

"nooooo way"

Sounds dodgy but he is totally non-sexist and sees women as people primarily, and if he's not interested in them, he doesn't even think that they might be interested in him.

Actually...I am the same with men.

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 19/10/2010 18:03

DH is like that a bit, if he isn't interested in a woman, it wouldn't occur to him she'd be interested in him. Bless.

Investigate away. I wouldn't be happy with this at all and would be making it clear he's on thin ice.

traceybath · 19/10/2010 18:08

Perhaps the friend is about to leave his wife or something and wants your DH to help him move but hasn't told his wife yet.

So it could be a secret about someone who doesn't know it yet.

But anyway I'd be a bit peeved too but then DH does tell me pretty much everything - well I think he does Smile

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 18:30

he's going to break the law but he won't tell you about it till the deed is done because he knows you'll have a mega fit about it

Original poster
EvilAntsAndMiasmas · 19/10/2010 18:43

Either of those perfectly possible I'd have thought.

Although I can't imagine what law he would be fine for breaking that he wouldn't trust me to heartily approve of. Hmm

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 19/10/2010 18:49

he is going to "nick" his mate's car and burn it

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 19:02

breaking and entering

to get some compromising documents regarding the FRIEND out of an office

spirit them away

That kind of thing

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 19:03

arson is definitely a possibility. Good thinking there.

for the insurance (the FRIEND's insurance)

he's up to no good inthe name of loyalty to a friend

ScaryFucker · 19/10/2010 19:03

he is a member of MI5

if he tells you this secret, he will have to kill you

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 19:04

yes of course

or he is one of the useless Russian spies that keep getting caught... He'll be calling you from Vladivostok tomorrow to arrange for you to follow him

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 19:05

tell him MN is onto him and time is running out

ScaryFucker · 19/10/2010 19:07

he is helping to receive a truckload of illegal cockle-pickers from China (topical, very topical...)

ZZZenAgain · 19/10/2010 19:09

and he is sending them on to Germany for the hell of it