Sometimes I just selfishly want to leave my "perfect" little family

[pamelat]

Been with DH 10 years, married 3

DD almost 3

DS 5 months

DH and I used to be very good friends before we got together and we still get on well (mainly if the kids are not around) If the children are about we chore allocate/compared tiredness etc.

DD is very challenging/whining/trantrum and is wearing me down. I have posted separately about her many times. She is very beautiful, independent, high spirited and funny too but she really really wears me thin

DS is a dream. Lovely happy content little boy .. but I am very tired as no signs of sleeping through.

Have been to see GP re anxiety and he assures me that whilst I "over react" to stress I am coping and that its all normal as a mum of young children etc.

Doing MA part time on maternity leave, but really dont feel that that is stressing me out. I actually find it relaxing!!

Am just scared as on paper my life is perfect, nice house (not that it should matter but its nice to have), nice job (when not on maternity leave) nice DH, beautiful hildren and am sure DD will come good one ay (or I will not cope) and know am lucky to have a baby but sometimes, if not often, I want to leave it all behind and go and live a solitary life and just read my book I say this partly flippantly, as i know I wont leave them, and DH says I am always looking for easy options but it worries me that I even think it

do other people???

I yearn for time on my own

I work FT, have DS and a DD, DH who is also working FT but away a lot

I dream about sometimes packing a bag and going to a hotel for a night for some time out

It doesn't mean I don't love the very bones of them all though

Nothing is ever perfect BTW

We all just muddle through a lot of the time

i used to daydream of just walking out the door all the time.

now i daydream about checking into a fancy boutique hotel for a long weekend.

dd1 is going to school and that has made the biggest difference. still at home with dd2 and dc3 on the way, but i can see that these early years are short lived, and soon they'll all be in school. ahhhhhh

Sounds normal to me :-) Young children are demanding and, even though you love them to bits, sometimes you want to stop the world and get off for half an hour. Or a day!

Also, having stuff can actually make you feel more guilty about those feelings as you feel you should be thankful, not whinging. The reality is it's still hard work so try not to feel guilty that you are not Mrs- Grateful- For- Everything every moment of the day, when you are dog tired and DD is playing up.

Can the DC go stay with grandparents for a weekend to give you and DH a chance to go for a long walk, sit by a fire and read that book? It would not be unreasonable. Every other job comes with regular time off.

So reassured to hear its normal

I have 2 days a week "off" when I am only with DS and he isnt difficult but I still feel on call. I cant just read a book

DH is much better at appreciating this is just now and our lives and our choices. I do realise this but sometimes I just want to leave them all to it.

I feel that no one else feels that, certainly no one in rl has said that to me

My mum insists that she loved every minute of looking after us, whereas sometimes I fear I resent it.

I have many friends going through IVF so yes feel a lot of guilt for how I feel.

I think we all have that daydream. I fantasise about being able to find stuff, things being where I left them, or the only mess being my mess, eating healthy meals with lots of veg instead of what the majority (I.e. What dd1 & dh) will eat, having a bed to myself & personal space.

Your mother is either a liar or she has a bad memory

I would love to run off and leave my kids . Well maybe justvfor a few days. Except the house would be a tip when i returned and dh would have fed the kids on macdonalds. Sigh

Normal normal normal!
Yup, very normal.

A quiet person by nature, i cherish every peaceful moment after bedtime.

Turns out though that the overwhelming feealing of wanting to just get into the car and drive and never come back, was a symptom of my PND.
Ads.....but that feeling has never gone completely.

I think that its human nature to need your own time.

Oh god, completely normal. I don't know any mothers who currently have young toddlers and babies who would disagree. I think you forget how wearing it is so quickly - eg mine are 3 and 16 months, and I've already forgotten the awfulness of never having a full nights sleep etc. Although I 'know' it was dreadful and I would never do it again no matter how broody I get, I can't quite remember precisely how awful it was. So no wonder your mum looks back through rose tinted glasses (plus there are some freaks who love it!)

If you've felt bad enough to go to the gp though, I would definitely make sure you keep an eye on yourself, get as much help as possible and don't be scared to go back if it all feels like it's getting too much.

I feel like this sometimes too. The worst bit was over the summer holiday with no structure to rely on. I would get up at six with them and know that I had total charge of them till bedtime, and it would make me SO miserable. The hours just seemed to drag and drag.

Don't underestimate how awful lack of sleep is. It made me feel very depressed, anxious and unable to cope with the slightest thing. Can you catch up at all at weekends?

I would give anything for some time to complete a task without being interrupted. I get things done, but in such a stop start fashion. This also drives me mad.

You should get your DH to take them for the day (just bringing the baby to you for a feed if you are bf) and HAVE your day to read your book in peace. It would do you the world of good. You could swap a weekend day with your DH in the interests of strict fairness.

Have to say I feel like that even more now that I've got teenagers ! I want to run for the hills !

I'm with Lolass :)

Children are really hard work and you feel guilty for saying so

a friend of mine sometimes did book herself into a hotel for the night, order room service and chill.

I would say it's totally normal too :)

I think you have to work hard to find some sort of balance, ok so you're not going to get oodles of time on your own to read a book but maybe go to bed really early one night so you can read for an hour before sleep (however long that sleep may be for!) instead of watching tv/doing chores downstairs.

Tell Dh to have to the kids while you have a really long bath with book & cuppa.

When DS naps & DD is out of the house set yourself up on sofa with book/mag, cushions, etc. Tell yourself you will NOT just do those little jobs...they will get done eventually otherwise they aren't important.

And, repeat...this too shall pass :)

I want to go on strike today!

Similar life in many ways. I used to think I would go postal if I couldn't just get 30 mins of peace to read my book.

Now dd is 5 and I am actually able to read for short spells. Sundays in particular - I just park and read and they can all do whatever they like, as much noise etc, but I am reading and that's that. This one thing has really improved my quality of life! But it was impossible until dd was about 4.

I feel exactly the same. I felt worse when I had PND really bad after DC1 was born - I was pretty stressed about the lack of quiet time after DC2 was born too but I did know by then that the baby stage would pass. Mine are almost 5years and 1 year and both me and DH work full-time, him often away loads of hours in the day. I do get time out every weekend as they go to Grannies but I actually get anxious that she will no longer be able to take them to give me time off and I will be "trapped". I love them both with all my heart but I feel completely stifled at times and do NEED time away.
So completely understand how you feel. Would it be possible for you to "schedule" a time where the kids are looked after , say one night every second week , so you and your partner can do something together? or even your partner could watch them and give you some time out to do something you enjoy?
You are only human, you didn't stop being yourself when you had children, nor should you be expected to. [smaile]

I feel like this sometimes. Sometimes you just get sick of all the needing and want to walk out the door.

It will pass, go and do something just for YOU, alone, if you are skint even a long walk all alone can help to clear your head.

I felt like this when mine were small - I have the same age-gap as you 9 (mine now 7 and 10). Just found it a real grind. I identify with the feeling of just wanting to be left alone.

What saved my sanity (I mean it literally) , was to have DH take the DSs for at least half the day on Saturdays, and to have a childminder look after DS2 one half day a week - moving up to 1 full day. I started this when DS2 was 8 months old and DS1 was at a playgroup 5 afternoons a week. So I had a day to myself.

I found this incredibly hard to do, because I felt so guilty about being a SAHM and using childcare. Do what you need to do to get through this bit. You don't want to wish it away (as people sometimes said to me - they grow up so fast), but at the same time, many many people I know agree this is one of the hardest bits : baby-plus-toddler.

It will get better

I felt like this too when DD was small. It was like being trapped with no escape, overwhelming tiredness and just being needed all the time. Utterly utterly exhausting. Couldnt even have a wee in peace

Might be wrong, but I do think some people feel this way more strongly than others, and oh I felt it very strongly. Am ashamed to say that I found parts of those times boring too, I didnt want to just be with children,talk about children, and mix with people who only wanted to talk about children.

I remember crying once cos I just wanted to watch one programme on TV without interruption, and it wasnt possible....ever.

Promise you it does get better, honestly x

A book I would have found useful - but only discovered later, for helping with your 3 year old - Playful Parenting.

Also - I wonder if the sleep is the first thing to try and sort out. In fact I am pretty sure the sleep is the first thing to sort out.

Normal.

You know what I want to do? I want to mooch around the shops for hours, stop for a coffee and a magazine, and then mooch around a bit more. I don't want anyone to need a wee or a snack or a different snack or I dropped my snack Mummy or to play I Spy or buy Barbie accessories or even discuss the relative merits of the various Barbie accessories.

I want to completely waste hours and hours of my time selfishly achieving nothing, and what's more I want to do it instead of spending time with my precious children who are so lovely and sweet and who love me "more than the planets" according to their latest press release.

And sometimes when they cuddle me I want them to gerroff because I'd rather read a thread on Mumsnet about an issue that doesn't affect me, and that I often can't even be bothered to comment on by the time I read through to the end.

Yuno - you can have that all. You can! (I do).

I remember dreaming of the day when I could have a bath (or even a wee!) without hearing 'MUMMMMM-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

It's no different nowadays - I fantasise about going off and living in a little cottage and having the boys over to visit 2 or 3 times a week - they're 15 and nearly 17 now!