Sometimes I just selfishly want to leave my "perfect" little family

[pamelat]

Been with DH 10 years, married 3

DD almost 3

DS 5 months

DH and I used to be very good friends before we got together and we still get on well (mainly if the kids are not around) If the children are about we chore allocate/compared tiredness etc.

DD is very challenging/whining/trantrum and is wearing me down. I have posted separately about her many times. She is very beautiful, independent, high spirited and funny too but she really really wears me thin

DS is a dream. Lovely happy content little boy .. but I am very tired as no signs of sleeping through.

Have been to see GP re anxiety and he assures me that whilst I "over react" to stress I am coping and that its all normal as a mum of young children etc.

Doing MA part time on maternity leave, but really dont feel that that is stressing me out. I actually find it relaxing!!

Am just scared as on paper my life is perfect, nice house (not that it should matter but its nice to have), nice job (when not on maternity leave) nice DH, beautiful hildren and am sure DD will come good one ay (or I will not cope) and know am lucky to have a baby but sometimes, if not often, I want to leave it all behind and go and live a solitary life and just read my book I say this partly flippantly, as i know I wont leave them, and DH says I am always looking for easy options but it worries me that I even think it

do other people???

I read a study a bit ago that said 60% or so of women caring for under fives are either low level or full scale depressed. I love my son so much I have no words. I hate so, so many aspects of caring for him I also have no words.

Kids are wonderful. Looking after them - especially toddlers - is in many ways utter hell. I used to fantasise about getting on a plane and never coming back. I don't know, but mainly because we live nowhere near an airport these days. The sheer level of drudgery is killer, and the havoc sleep deprivation wreaks on a marriage and tolerance levels with toddlers is shocking.

Normal, normal, normal.

I can totallu understand why 60% are depressed. I tried to watch the X factor last night with a glass of wine and dd screamed all the way through as she wanted my attention then fell asleep promptly when it was over. My Saturday nights used to be FUN!

Oh, I have long involved fantasies about running away, seeing the world, living the high life. Sometimes I wish I'd never got married and had kids, much as I love the DDs and DH. I'm just a solitary creature really and wish I had more time alone.

Though if I were single you can bet I'd long for a family!!!

You're perfectly normal.....

i had last night off. went out with friends and my parents had my 2 dc.

This morning i had a lie in then went to pick them up. I felt deliriously happy not having to say 'dd1 the baby's arm doesnt bend that way' 'dd1 will you EAT your breakfast' 'no you havent done your teeth' etc etc etc.

I felt young and free then I went and picked them up and felt depression descend I love them both dearly but dd1 (5) never shuts up and dd2 (9 months) never sleeps and vomits a lot.

The walls are closing in....

I think i'd have been happier without the night off as it gave me a taste of freedom then it was cruelly snatched away!!

In other words - what you feel is totally normal.

why are you trying to do an MA on maternity leave? that could just be too much for you. I almost KILLED myself trying to do some work when ds was a baby, and made me quite depressed.

thank you all so very very much

I think I feel more guilty because ds is such a happy little soul. Although as many of you have said its the mixture of no sleep with my (easy-ish) baby and the challenging toddler behaviour of dd.

We spent today with friends with same aged toddler and although they squabbled a lot, it helped. It helped as they entertained each other (although I was referee) and it helped to see other people have to cope with/ignore difficult todder beahviour. AMongst our friendship group, we are first to have children and they are all still spending weekends eating/drinking and lying in be at the age of 35. However if I had that I would desperately want my children. I just want it occassionally

I completely understand how 60% could be depressed. I think I am really, a little bit. But its short term and I do so very much want to enjoy these young years of theirs but yes I want to wee alone and yes I want to mumsnet alone and shop alone and bathe alone and just be alone.

I have had one of those days where I would quite gladly have shipped them all off somewhere. DS (4) has not shut up, DD (2) has not stopped having tantrums or hurting DS2 (8 weeks) who has not wanted to be put down.

Now they are all asleep (albeit DS2 on my lap and wont be put down) and they are lovely . I think I like this parenting business more in theory than reality

You have my sympathies, OP, I can't even read all the comments for your thread because I've got "Mumeeee" in my ear and little fingers all over the keyboard. I'm in a very similar scenario to you and don't have a single minute to myself. Sometimes I think i will go insane.

OP totally sympathise- my catchphrase at the mo is 'I just want some PEACE!!!!' Then dh will take the dcs off to his mum's or wherever for the night and I will miss them desperately... can't win!
Mooching round the shops would be nice, coffee and papers would be nice, a nice long swim, or walk, a whole afternoon lying in the sun with some good wine ..... one day, when I'm 50!

totally normal - I have a 2.9 year old and 9 month old. Both easy children but I did find things got a lot easier once DS2 turned 6 months, started crawling and could interact more with DS1.
Some days I can laugh about the chaos, lack of personal space, endless Mumeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, questions etc. Some days it totally does my head in.
We have no family support so DH and I support each other to have some me time every week which helps.
Hang in there

I got a bit spooked reading your post as I can totally relate to it. I have the same age gap between my 2 children, although they are slightly older. My older son sounds a lot like your DD, and I must admit that in the last few months things have started to get a little bit easier. They've started playing together so I do get a little bit of peace.

Same here!

Pamelat I'm pretty sure you and I had DDs born within days of each other - I remember from BF threads we were both on (think I was LazyHen then).

Anyway, our DDs sound very similar. Oh and I also have a baby DS too (11m now). I know I've written threads about being so frickin miserable. Especially in the newborn phases.

I completely identify with the feeling of dread someone mentioned about getting up in the morning and thinking bedtime was so far far away, and that I had so many battles ahead of me.

We're battling our way through potty training disasters, money shortages, DS's early waking... the list goes on.

I had a dream the other day about going out on a first date with some random stranger. The reality of what my old like was like hit me so hard. I know I wouldn't change my kids for the world, yada yada but my god I didn't realise how FREE life was pre-DC.

Thank you to the OP for this thread

I have spent a lot of time recently battling with the thought of 'I wish I'd never had chidren' because the balance of enrichment and misery has tipped into misery a little bit too often recently...

I am a single mum with a ex who treats them like a commodity that I maintain so that he can visit for 1% of their life. He resents giving me the money to help towards this and 'help towards' is all it does.

I do all the horrible stuff and spend lots of money which is never recognised whilst his token time and money make him a great Dad eh?

I'm trying to make myself happier by arranging a better balance in my life, more childcare, less 'servant behaviour' from me and stopping being a martyr (believing it's my choice to have children so therefore I have to mop up the horrible stuff.) I'm being firmer with DC and insisting on help around the house, more respect and less rudeness... in return they will get a happy mummy and do nice things so we enjoy our time together. It's a battle but don't give up.