help me

[mugface]

what would you do if for whatever reason you hadn't slept with dh for a month, he was very annoyed about it and said some hurtful stuff to you.
Then next day he says he's going upstairs to wait for you to come and get dressed in front of him(your downstairs in pj's)
you mutter that he'll have a long wait as you are confused and still upset.
Then an hour or so later when he has gone back downstairs you pick up your clothes to dress only to find he has had a w**nk all over your knickers.
i am so wound up i can hardly breathe, please help.

Oh bless you mugface.

Dont go on in pain you are worth more than that. You are mum and you are the most important person in the world. If you collapse then what about the babies.
Put yourself first it isnt being selfish it is being sensible.
God I hate men sometimes, they are well and truley on a different planet and we are expected to get on and live togehter and have babies when their heads are somewhere else.

That is the good thing about this site you do have support so many women go through unneccessary grief but you are not alone at all.

cant believe what he did, what a complete T**t, i cant believe he just left them there - the kids could have picked them up or anything, he should def clean up after himself, as for using your knickers i think if he was mine id rather that than loads of porn in the house, if you dont want to leave him have you htought about sex therapy or counselling, there must be a reason behind how all this started, i can understand why you dont want sex with him now but there has to be the initial trigger, i agree with what others have said about him helping out more round the house and giving you more love and affection before he expects to get sex - sex is not a reward or punishment its s'posed to be about a loving act that two people both agree to, sounds like he needs an outside party to explain this to him, he is seriously deluded......what did he think you were going to do when you saw the mess he'd left- think oh how sweet of him? or were you meant to feel guilty for not giving him what he wanted i just dont get what he wanted you to feel or do..........

i really feel for, i think you def explain how he has made you feel and that if thats the way he wants to behave he can expect to get nothing in future, you shouldnt do it because he expects it you should do it because you want to and you love him

he said thats why he was telling me to go get dressed so i would find them ( i'd left my clothes ready on the bed) when i said well thats sick he said i was sick because i haven't give him sex for a month.

alot of times he is really nice to me but i still don't want sex, i guess it's because i know he can go into a real mr nasty too.

i'm all confused but it's lovely to know there are people out there who take the time to reply and help me,so thanx v much

did he say why he wanted you to find them? seems a bit of a weird thing for him to do... and you're not sick because you dont want sex, he needs to treat you better, like i said amybe try some counselling

Do you really love him mug face. Do you still find him attractive?

he wanted you to find them????

he sounds depraved mugface, im actually speechless as to what else to say. vile man. ( not just because of the knicker part- but for making you feel so shitty.)

I am sorry you are going through this mugface, what he has done is a very disrespectful thing and discusting.

I can understand why you feel bullied as it sounds like he is being a bully. I have felt like this about sex in the past and yes my dh has got on his high horse about it but has had to respect how i have been feeling and understand that it was not because of him!

I lost my sex drive after the birth of my ds and it was bad for about 2 yrs but i did used to try and do it once a month. It has returned now so things are better, but i feel that your dh should understand and respect you. How long has it been like this for you? and is it because of him or are you happy with him but just gone off sex all together?

I would ignore him now and try and get on with what you need to do today with your kids. I would also wipe what he left on your knickers on his pillow ready for him tonight

Try and keep your chin up, and teach him a lesson

just a suggestion mugface, a few weeks ago dp pissed me off to the max ( ds2 is an awful sleeper and dp got shitty and suggested i move out- with ds2 - all in an argument)

i was fuming- my revenge? i cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush- he never knew but it made me feel great watching him brush his teeth.

just a suggestion of course...........

OOOOOh tiredmama. That is wicked, god he couldve been S*ting through the eye of a needle for a week.

was he wearing your pants when he wanked himself off? maybe it was a compliment from his perspective

Fio2 you are joking!!!!

Nothing about what he did was a compliment

I have to say if that was me I would never want sex with my dh again!!! That much disrespect would be unforgivable for me and I would bugger off elsewhere.
I know easy to say and I may well act differently if it did actually happen to me.

I agree with washing the toilet with his toothbrush and any other nasty things that he wont know about but may make you feel a bit better.

i cant get my head round this tbh. Where were your clothes and where were your pants? and where were you. can someone explain to me in simple terms as it doesnt sound that bad but I read it quick

i was downstairs with my boys, he was upstairs my clothes and underwear were laid out ready to wear in the bedroom upstairs.

was this in the morning? sorry i have lost the plot. Just ignore me, think i have caught up now

how awful for you

i think she refused sex so he wanked on her clothes in an act of "fuck you then"

i would be inclined to make his sandwiches for work and smear some of the wank onto the bread

or alternatively if he's suit, smear some of the jitz onto the bum part of his trousers so he wont see it and everyone else will, esp when he takes his jacket off. Coudl possibly look like he has had anal leakage

I'd shove a stick up his arse and give him proper Anal Leakage

Wipe your arse on his boxers

put it in his coffee and when he spits it out say "you dont swallow then"

In his defense (hard hat on - no pun intended) men do feel humiliated and worthless when they're not wanted sexually. It's a big problem for me and my man.
I'd be well pissed off if he wanked on my stuff. Bu I also think it means he's feeling hurt and rejected.

If it was me I would say once and very firmly that if you ever does anything like that again I would leave.

hey. look i read through this loads and tried really hard to find a gentle way to say this cause you must be findin this hard neough but i cant so please dont be offended. i felt sickened reading your post. his actions were degrading and sexually agressive as well as disrepectful. whatever your reasons for not sleeping with him you have a right to say no without his sexuality being forced upon you and to be honest a month is not a long time to go without. i think you should think long and hard abou how to deal with theis but brushing it under the carpet will not help. he needs to know it is not acceptable behaviour. full stop. take care though because that kind of behaviour must be very very hurtful and confusing. xxxxxxxxxx

and he still hasn't come back from the pub.

can't bear to be degraded like that but can't cope on my own either. I am trapped i think.

mugface, my DH says he is doing this cos to him it is the closest thing to having sex with u ie holding your knickers while doing what he did and he is doing this to show you how peed off he is.
Just thought it would be interesting from a mans point of view, dh thinks this is his only way of expressing to you how he feels