Kind of swinging!!!

[nickname2]

My partner has recently itimated that he would like to fulfill a fantasy of having some oral connections IFYSWIM !! with another bloke. He swears hes not gay and I believe him he likes women too much!!

Anyway we had this discussion and I was kind of up for it, so that he wasnt missing out on anything he really wanted to try. I felt we could maybe meet a guy who was bi and they could do the oral stuff and I would watch etc. Hes adamant that he doesnt want penetrative sex with a bloke, just oral.

My question is... Is this going to open up a can of worms so to speak? Am I letting myself in for alot of trouble and heartach? Im sure I probably know the answer to this, but need some prospective from you guys please.

Bigfoot- i dont think that sexuality is a box you can put people in, all nice and tidy. To you, op's dp might fit into your category of what "gay" is - but not to him. He might not consider himself to be gay and that's the bit that defines whether he is or not, not other peoples opinions.

Well, that's the way I thought it worked but dh and I are both straight and don't have any particular bi-curious leanings as far as I'm aware so I might not be best qualified to say!

It's not that 'simple' and I agree with TRS

It's not a crime to be bi-curious,at least he's had the balls to admit his curiosities and well done to the OP for listening to her partner and not screaming 'YOU MUST BE GAY THEN'

Just to add something which nobody else seems to have suggested.

If he is as many so quickly appear to suggest, and he has asked you to allow him to fulfil his fantasy involving sexual activity with another bloke, this may be (although unaware to him even) a cry for help or a way of breaking out.
At the end of the day, if he decides sex or related activities feel more natural to him than what he is used to it wouldn't be right to force him to regard it as a mere fantasy and constrain him to an unwanted life of heterosexuality.
What I'm saying is, he might be gay, and as a loving partner, I think it's only right that you allow him the opportunity to find out for himself what makes him happy. Don't allow it to happen, then slap him down when/if he decides that's what he really wants in life and he just never realised/accepted it.
Too many people just go through life keeping quiet for fear of upsetting others and not living out their one life as happy as it should be.
I understand with children involved it is more complex but be prepared for the worst from your POV just incase. Some may be right and he might decide he doesn't even know why he wanted to try it in the first place, but that's the risk you take. I think ignoring it and brushing it off even if for fear of losing him would be selfish and very wrong. Not that I'm suggesting you will. You sound like the perfect wife! Happy to listen and not judge. Wish I trusted my wife enough to tell her some of my fantasies!

Why are people on here saying that this will inevitably lead to him "taking it up the arse". Are people actually aware that many gay men do not practise anal sex? Estimates are that up to 1/3 do not.

In which case you're saying his venture into oral sex is akin to the regular gay sex of 1/3 of gay men?

There's no need to be so specific about the actual actions involved, it's the natural progression of a curious mind folk are referring too.

OP, I admire the fact that you weren't horrified and judgemental when he told you about his fantasy.

I have heard of similar scenarios and to be honest, it might not necessarily end in tears, but you would be doing yourself huge favour by scouring the net for stories of straight men who have experimented with other men (straight or not).

Case in point, the reason why a blow job by another man cannot compare to that by a woman is because men have much stronger jaws so the 'sucking' is intense. Plus they know how to avoid grazing the sensitive bits with their teeth. For this reason alone, most men become addicted to gay men.

Hope this helps!

SA

I really don't understand comments like, "this has no place in a heterosexual marriage" - who on earth dictates the 'rules' of marriage? I know people who have all kinds of open marriages, including a friend who is a lesbian, married to her best friend, a man with whom she has children. It works. She's happy, he's happy.

If people are honest, they can make any configuration work and poly relationships are becoming more popular and common. Yes, there is more risk involved because there are more people involved, but it doesn't all have to end in tears. The key is honesty and the op and her dh are doing that.

Has anyone read The Ethical Slut? It's an interesting book.

If the OP had said that she would like to fulfill her fantasy of having sex with another woman, the partner would probably be slapped on the backs by his mates! Why is the reverse scenario so differently held?

The world is full of men who are "absolutely straight" but have sex with other men. "It doesn't count if I just let him do it too me and don't push back","It doesn't count if he wears a dress", "It doesn't count if I don't swallow".
He's probably just bi.

@CSD The vows of marriage are pretty clear and each country holds it's own laws regarding marriage. The key vow is to forsake all others which binds you to one person and that person only. It's their discretion whethe they have an open relationship. Doesn't make it legal.

Agree with Nougatness though. Ultimately if you're ok with it give it a whirl. Just make sure you're both clear on what you want out of it first. Just beware once it's actually happening, you may have a change of heart.

I hope you're not Gail Sheridan

The marriage vows aren't legal. And plenty of people write their own vows.

NickName... I echo what others have said that it probably would be a good idea to find a swingers club as it can be hard to 'just find' a guy that would be with your way of thinking

FWIW I have previuosly been involved with someone that had mostly oral involvement with other men but had never progressed to full on sex mostly because, well the situation had just never occured... yet. He was closely involved in the Fetish scene and I know he did swing with his now DW (well they did with me for a while)

My present B/F considers himself straight but has in the past been involved orally with men. I have no problem at all with this (only that I would of liked to of been there). I too would like to be involved if this were to ever happen again unless the people concerned expressly asked I were not there

My BF has no problem with me having a sexual relationship with another woman and I have no problem with him exploying his sexuality, so long as he is open with me

BTW..... We are in Cameron country.

I do know of a friend that went to private swingers party in Aylesbury so they are around

I am intrigued by the notion that OP's partner exploring sexual feelings with other man may 'open a can of worms' that's better left unopen???

Either: he is straight but is bicurious and interested in pursuing some fantasies (surprise surprise, lots of people are bicurious and straight) so he might enjoy them, or not, but will still be straight. OR he is gay/bi and is currently not able to express this fully for whatever reason. If the latter is the case, whether or not his partner decides to join him in pursuing homosexual encounters makes NOT ONE JOT OF DIFFERENCE to his sexuality, and it may be that this has effect on their relationship script at some point in the future if it doesn't now.

I know its not Friday night but .......UPDATE: Well weve done it. Weve had an encounter with another man (bi) and it was the most exciting thing I have ever done in my life, we are still both on a high from it. It was great fun and most satisfying for both of us. Cant wait to do it again!!

Oooh do tell more I know you where worried about your DH going to far a.d having full sex with man? How did it turn out?

I'm not bi, I just want oral sex with a man.

Yeh, and the Pope is only a little bit Catholic.

Come on, love. Open your eyes. He wants to get jiggy with blokes and he's asking your permission.

The only person who had full sex was me. And I was lucky enough to have it from two men. DP got out of it what he wanted. Boundaries were set and we all adheared to them. It was just perfect actually.

Nice one, am pleased it went well :) so did you to a singers club or have a man at your home? Did dp get out of it what he wanted?

Swingers I meant lol, my phone decides to change words when it feels like it

We met a guy from a site, had plenty of dialogue before hand and then went back to ours. DP wanted to suck and be sucked and thats what he did. I have to say I felt very lucky he was gorgeous and had the most enormous thingy !!! :) I was well pleased. We have all talked about it since and we are going to meet up again.
thanks Loopy, Im waiting for all the horrid posts to come later. think I might stay off MN tonite !!

Don't worry about the nasty posts, you tried it and you liked it result :) I say good on both of you for being able to communicate with each other over this, you have both clearly enriched eachothers sex life.