S**t I have really f***ed up!

[emskilou]

This may come out like a waffle but bear with me.......oh and I may swear a bit too.

DP was out yesterday afternoon I had had a hectic day and couldnt be bothered cooking so thought I know pizza! (I know I know terrible mum ) Anyway I couldnt find the number so went online to order it, as I went on DP's facebook was on, so I had a little muck around changed his profile pic, updated his status etc (I am always leaving mine on and he does the same to me but is always waaaayyyyy funnier than I am!!) anyway I noticed an application on his called 'compare hotness' me being curious/stupid I clicked on it to see what it was, anyway, the general gist of it is outrageous flirting, women with their bobblies out etc, I thought it odd he had that on there then saw he had some messages (I know I know I know that is the beginning of my fuck up) There were loads of messages from other women, some with their bobblies out some clothed, lots of flirting. I was quite saddened to see all this, but left it at that, not as if he is off shagging them I thought.

ANYWAY (soooo sorry for the waffle) this morning we are up at stupid o'clock as ds has a horrible little cough, DP gets up and gives him medicine but puts him back into bed, I get up to get a drink and go get DS to put into bed with me and DP is on facebook already. Now I know its addictive but to be the first thing you do when you get up? The combination of being stupid o'clock, being miffed that he is on FB at stupid o'clock and what I had discovered the afternoon before I was peeved, so I told him what I had discovered the previous day and that I wasnt particularly bothered if that is what he wants to do so be it. Well he went berserk, told me to never go near the laptop again etc etc. He has barely spoken to me all day and has dodged me like I have the plague if he has to walk past me I feel like crap, I know I shouldnt have looked at that app, I know it was wrong, I have apologised and I have cried my arse off all day long (in secret of course no-one wants to see an ALice Cooper lookalike!!)

I am not too sure why I posted this to be honest, guess I just wanted to get it off my chest..........

Thanks for reading, Em x

Another suggestion for you would be to block FB entirely from the PC and delete the accounts. You really do not need such social networking crap sites like FB in your lives; you managed without FB before and you can manage without it now!.

I cant bloody stand FB now, I used to love it! Now its a load of old poop apart from the fact I get to see pictures of all my family dotted all over the fecking world, why cant they be good and live near me (only the ones I really like, I have one cousin who can stay where she is!)

Why not use Skype instead to keep in touch with far away family members?.

ems, your husband has fucked up

messaging women with their tits out ?

massive loss of respect for a so-called family-man who gets his jollies that way

massive respect for the number he has done on you..that bloke deserves a trophy for the passive-aggression and blame-shifting skill he has displayed here

now stop being the "cool wife" who pretends to think it is a bit silly but essentially ok for her husband to send and receive sexual messages from random women and then lie about it

letting him off for the fact he is "just a man, that is what men do" is massively foolish and will harm your relationship in the long run

what exactly is he doing to prove to you he is not a fuckhead of the highest order ?

and what is he doing to reassure you he realises what a twat he is, and wants to prove to you that he still deserves the love and respect you obviously felt for him before ???

"it seems to be all happy again today"

If what you mean is that he is in a better mood today and that you have allowed it to be swept under the carpet then you are in effect condoning his use of the app and the way he went berserk at you.

It is great to never have a cross word if there are no issues in your relationship but if it is a way of avoiding conflict and not resolving issues then you need to be careful. Unresolved issues will build up until they explode one day and that could be the end of your relationship.

ems

This man (I note he is your DP)of yours bought you a tumble drier!.

Ems, if a friend was telling you all this what would your response to her be?.

put the tumble drier on Ebay

tell him he cannot buy your "blind eye" with material possessions

because really, what does that say about you ?

Attila - if everyone flies off the handle all the time, how does anything ever get properly resolved? Why should an essentially happy relationship be completely sabotaged by his stupidity and a consequent massive overreaction?

She didn't catch him sleeping with anyone - she found a dumb facebook app with dumb women on it and some stupid sex messages. I am not condoning his actions - no way - but I am cautioning that there might be a larger issue to be talked through.

And Em - I agree with Casmama - just because he is happy that it has all settled down doesn't mean there isn't an issue to be confronted. Perhaps if things are a bit calmer, now is the time to be firm and have that talk.

Listen OP, in blowing up at you he has made your home life a misery, and now he's all peaceful and non-shouty again, you're so relieved that he's hoping you wil Never Speak Of It Again.

He had no right to shout at you for behaving the same way as he does WRT facebook rewriting.

He had no right to shout at you or be angry about you uncovering his naked lady habit.

You have a perfect right to be extremely pissed off - he is talking to women and looking at their naked bodies online. They might be real or they might be truckers using fake photos, but the bottom line is, he is talking to other women in a sexual context.

How would he feel if he found Chat With A Giant Becocked Man.com open on your laptop? Happy?

Sorry meant to add - what do you want? Him to delete the app? If so, ask him tonight.

Also, you need to draw some lines together WRT what's appropriate in terms of online contact with other people.

I am wondering whether this is a happy relationship at all; it all seems very unequal to me and it seems that he is holding the balance of power here.

He may well not have slept with anyone but it is still an emotional connection that she was previously unaware of. I do not think he would like it at all if the positions were at all reversed. Challenging him on this brought about a predictable result; it was never going to end well.

He flew off the handle because he was caught bang to rights (with people he also describes as friends). Now everything is okay (for the moment or at least until the next time) because it will not or cannot be discussed ever again.

With regards to the computer as well neither of you should be facebook rewriting each others profile. Such actions look juvenile.