Unpleasant relationships leave the more vulnerable partner (usually the woman) with fewer choices, and erode her self-confidence. Silveryfox, your H has already managed to get you questioning your own senses and to an extent you're living in an alternative reality. The legal system fails people in such situations. It is built on an adversarial premise and assumes rationality, which is sorely lacking in abusive marriages.
IF you can find ways to take a cold, calculated and logical approach to things then you'll be able to get the system working in your favour. It's a good idea to go on fact-finding missions (CAB and Women's Aid) so you know where your strengths lie and what you'll need to do. If you don't feel emotionally or physically strong enough to carry through a hard-hearted game plan, then use the available services to relocate yourself & DC into a safe place. When you're away from H's bullying, you will be in a better frame of mind to sort things out from there - you'll have ready access to support services then, too.
I'm trying to point out that Footlong's advice is good enough, but takes no account of emotional disturbance. This is an example of what you'll find if you stick to pursuing a 'normal' divorce - as you're in an abnormal marriage, it leaves you on a back foot.
Piknmix, I addressed this to silveryfox because I've read her other posts: I hope your situation isn't as distressing! You're still left with a choice between making a calculated plan and getting the hell out, though. What a despicable thing for a man to do to his wife & family.