Using a vibrator when married

[quincemince]

OK, so the other day I bought a vibrator online. I haven't used one for years, and certainly haven't used on since being with my husband for the past 6 years. Not sure why - just hasn't been on our bedroom list of things to do. Not even quite sure what happened when I ordered one the other day - just an impulsive thing, I guess.

But now I kind of feel embarrassed about it, I'd like to use it with my husband but feel a bit shy about it, but would be perfectly happy using it alone - is that wrong? Does it reflect badly on our relationship? Would he be devastated if he knew I'd been masturbating without him? I guess that last question is probably down to the individual, but in some ways it does feel a bit like cheating - i'm not sure if that's just completely irrational and that all women have vibrators stuffed in the back of a cupboard ready to use on a boring afternoon home alone...

Anyway, I'd be really interested to know what people's experiences are of using sex toys as a couple, or alone but whilst with someone. I'm not being pervy I do genuinely want to know. Of course if you don't feel comfortable answering, please don't!

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If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Good for you. I would use it alone to start with, and find out what you like. That's what I did - we chose the first one together and then he left me to practice until I felt comfortable showing him and letting him play with it.
It's up to you how soon you want to involve him, if at all. You should talk to him though, don't suppose many men would like to just come across it if they weren't aware of it's existence, could give him a complex.

Just enjoy it.

We've got a couple of 'em. A little one for very localized stimulation, and a Rabbit for something a bit, erm, meatier (sorry).

My DH absolutely LOVES using them. He really gets excited at being able to see something that is normally inaccessible. As the PP says though, if you think he might be offended at how you view his masculinity or some other psycho-shite, then hide it really carefully until you are ready to do a reveal.

Maybe plan a special night - candlelit dinner, kids at Grandma's or sleepover, lots of snogging and cuddling, and then introduce the idea.

Good luck, if this goes well, it'll be something that stays with you and improves things immensely, even if you think it's already good! We actually now have more sex - but maybe not intercourse, IYKWIM - during the week whereas before it might just have been Friday or Saturday nights

Forgot to say, the reason I think we have more is because with a "toy" things can be a little lazier, just using hands if you like but still keeping everyone happy!

HTH

Thanks for your replies. Not feeling so bad about it now. I was wondering though, it seems a little selfish (not sure if that's the right word) to just have a vibrator for me, but men's toys are either just pretend vaginas that look awful (if you want to see what I mean, look here (I mean, seriously... yuck! And for single men only, surely?!). Is there something I can get for him that isn't just really kinky and weird that he might like as a kind of sex toy starter?

Meow I like the idea of lazy sex too. Although when I used my new vibrator for the first time yesterday, I came in less than a minute! Might shorten things somewhat....

Well, there are vibrating cock rings which are fun for both partners to use.
There's certainly nothing AT ALL wrong with married people having the occasional wank - if you have a partner who objects to you wanking then s/he is a bit wierd and controlling - unless you wank all the time and won't actually have sex with your partner.

Just to add a wee male perspective(ermm... the wee refers to the size of my post, just to make it clear :) )...

they are awesome fun and I love using them with DW. However they are also very effective and we did go through a little rough patch in the beginning when DW wanted to pull one out every time. Make sure your DH knows that he alone is still enough for you once in a while.

Good idea. Might have a drink or two then break the news that our sex life is going to enter new territory...

thanks for the ideas!

I had en ex who loved it so much that he ended up using it on himself more then me....and then it disappeared one day . Bastard. It was my favourite too.

duvet thanks for the advice! I'll make sure I don't become too obsessed with them... I think that's my main concern, anyway, is that he may perceive it as a threat especially if he knows I'm playing with them when he's not around.

Wow, the We Vibe looks really amazing! Quite expensive though. But I WANT ONE NOW!!!

Quince, do you not find that if it's been a bit longer than normal since you had sex, say if one of you has been ill that you are ultra-sensitive, and you climax quite quickly anyway. Same principle with a toy. You build up a little resistance to it - and I don't mean that negatively AT ALL - with regular use.

Good point Meow! Here's hoping for some vibrator resistance!

Wittle Wabbit Vibrating Cock Ring

WITTLE WABBIT!??

FFS, If someone brought something named that into a relationship I'd lose my sex drive in seconds..

'Wittle wabbit' and Cock just can't be in the same phrase......

mittz I agree - babyfying the name of a sex toy is never going to work, is it?!

shineon no I'm not writing an article, why do you ask? Do lots of journalists post on here pretending to be genuine or something? I'm honestly not a journalist, but I guess it would be a good idea for an article.

Anyone want to run with it?!

well if I had a fella I'd happily carry out the research for you !

The ones shaped like dolphins and Hello kitty give me the creeps.

I am saving up for a Wevibe

Oooohhh... I like the look of that Avada ...

I never really understand why men are threatened by their women using sex toys.
Can someone please explain?

jameelaq who are your comments aimed at?