Dh lying again

[Namechangingwuss]

I'm a regular but have namechanged for this. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled but my heads all over the place atm, I could really do with some advice.

Dh and I have been married for 6 years and we have a 3yo ds. Hes a fantastic father and loving husband, we have always been really close and totally happy together.

About 18 months ago a debt collector turned up on the doorstep saying dh owed money on a credit card, dh swore blind he didn't and it was a mistake. He said he'd called and sorted it out and I believed him. Money has always been tight so I've been working out a monthly budget for us for the last few years. A few times I suspected he was lying to me but hes always denied it and it just gets brushed under the carpet. About 3 months ago I found a solicitors letter over a gas bill he swore blind he'd paid, we had a massive row over it and he eventually admitted he hadn't paid it and lied because he didn't want to worry me. After that we had a really open discussion and I told him how hurt I felt that he'd lied and he was truly sorry. To me a marriage is all about honesty and communication and dh knows that. I told him that there could be no more lies because if I can't trust him I'd rather just leave. Things have been great between us since then.

Today a letter arrived for dh, he opened it in front of me and went to put it in the drawer but his body language was weird so I asked what it was. He said it was from work but I knew he was lying so I took it from him and it was from a debt collector. I haven't been able to look at him since, he keeps apologising but I'm livid. We've been tiptoeing round each other all night, I just don't know what to say to him and I don't want to hear another word of his lies! Is this a stupid reason to end a happy marriage? It seems like such a stupid thing but it shows total disrespect and I don't want to bring ds up in a home with parents who don't trust each other

I had this situation with my DS's dad. I never ever saw any post. No bills etc. However, I did get phone calls from the mortgage company asking when the arrears were going to be paid off. I did bail my ex out on several occasions, but all paperwork was kept at his place of work. He refused to let me have anything to do with it.

The tipping point was his Xmas bonus. He pissed £1500 of it up the wall; plus didn't give me any housekeeping money for 3 weeks and 2 days before Xmas, I had to pay for the food shopping. I didn't have any money as I used to pay for the childcare.

That was the end of the road for me. He didn't even have the decency to rein it in for the sake of his DS.

I'm now in a similar situation, found out last night thst my husband owes around £20k on loans and credit cards. I knew when i met him he had problems, but we sorted it I arranged a loan to cover it and thought it was paid off 3 years ago.
Apparently not, he has never paid it off but has got worse over the years. I'm struggling to know what to do, its the lying that is the worst. Hope everything turns out ok.

Oh Misstilly thats awful, I unfortunately know exactly how you feel. Did your dh tell you about the debt or did you find out yourself? I think the latter is so much worse personally. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I'd gone out that morning, I'd probably be snuggled up on the sofa with dh right now thinking everything was fine. Its all so raw and obviously I'm still all over the place but I'm thankful for the fact that I'm finally in control of my life and no one can deceive me anymore. I've had some great advice on this thread, if you read through you may find some of it applies to you.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do xx