Am curious to read other peoples opinions.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Ok so the scenario is simple

I go to the pub, laugh, joke, dance,flirt, buy drinks for and have drinks bought for me.

Then I go home to DP and our 2 ds's.

There is nothing in any of what I do other than fun...so why do so many friends (some are wives of male friends i drink with) of mine think I am being unfair to DP???

He trusts me and knows I am a major flirt...heck thats how we met.

So what is it other women have a problem with ???

I think this sounds completely fine, TLE, as long as your DP is fine with it.

Don't worry about the other women. They probably feel a bit threatened by you. But if it's all innocent fun then just carry on and don't worry about what they say. Sounds totally okay to me.

Elephant,
I am not using these men in anyway...it is a group of people sitting together having a laugh and joke. I get more than enough attention from DP who is also older than me and approaching 50.

Classic behaviours - wearing obviously overdressed clothes for context (e.g. lacy minidresses)

Jeans and a t-shirt for me.

laughing at all the men's jokes even those she doesn't find funny
I am more likely to pull a face and tell them its a rubbish joke.

indulging in light physical stuff - the hand on the thigh or the "joky wrestle" etc

God no I don't do that at all

playing pool or darts but playing up to needing "help"

Actually I am good enough to not need help. Have been playing pool since I was a child and can beat some of them.

Dancing - well thats normally in a group as well when the end of the evening is drawing in and something cruddy is being played.

Singing - well the last song I sang with someone was a nickelback song and if i remember rightly we were laughing more than singing. I sometimes sing wit 3 or 4 people.

Oh good, TLE! I felt quite sick writing that list. Well in that case it sounds fine. Why do these women say you are being unfair on DP, specifically?

I actually don't understand why anyone is giving you a hard time for this...

And the reason I started going out more is nothing to do with DP but more to do with needing some me time....and a break from DS1.

Elephants...because he is not one to go out and I do enjoy it. As i tried to explain to them he is nearly 50 works shifts, and tbh is too knackered to go to a pub...he would fall asleep in the corner.

They think I am unfair because he will happily sit at home on a friday night with the boys while I go out and he will sit up and wait for me to get in safely before he goes to bed even if he has to be up for work the next day.

Bollocks to them then, that's just silly. How many women don't mind sitting at home when they're knackered, while their DPs go to the pub? Loads.

Oh actually on Friday I did wear a denim skirt and a vest with a skull on it with boots.....all to go with my new hair cut lol

They sound like sexist twats. Enjoy yourself, we need more dancing, innocent flirting and singing in life. They probably wouldn't say a word if it was you staying in each Friday while your DP was out in the pub.

And lots of people seemed to make a big leap from your self-confessed fun flirting to making it sound as if you were about to shag someone up the alley! Strange.

MyBoys - thats the thing, I may flirt and have a laugh but it never goes further and I always go home to my family.

What is the diffeerence between having a flirt and a laugh though?

I asked you to define 'flirt' before and you haven't yet. I know it means different things to different people.

Up

this was my reply...

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 28-Sep-10 09:37:11
I have been told I am a flirty person.

I am happy to sit and chat to the men, have a laugh, joke, play pool if asked, have a drink with them, talk about all sorts of things. I don't flutter my eyelashes or things like that....tbh I am just me. Hard to explain but I just laugh and joke more than anything. I also dance with them and on occassion have sung a duet on the karaoke. Its all harmless fun...I have been going to the same pub for 7m or so now and never has anything happened with any of these men.

OK But how would YOU define what a 'flirt* was?
You have said what you do and you have said what people think but you have not defined what a flirt is.

Do you know what I cannot define it, different people see it in different ways.I mean there is the obvious flirts who as previously mentioned are OTT. I guess I flirt with people with the way I am but in a non obvious way...oh you know what I just cannot explian it.

Fair enough!

What do you mean by flirt?

I think part of the trouble is that you live in a sexist area, where women who socialise while their DPs do not are seen as loose slappers for daring to be out by themselves, whereas men going out without their DPs are just part of the natural order of things - man in the pub and 'Er Indoors.
Some mundanes are desperately mundane about this sort of thing - women are either ON The Pull (and to be despised) or they are With Someone and therefore should sit quietly, only talk to women, and not drink much. I would stop bothereing about what people say, you don't need to justify yourself to them. If someone does come up and start whining about your poor DP, tell them he;s fine and change the subject.

Oh. Read further now. It sounds that you are a pub person and he isn't. I don't think that that is flirting - it's just 'being with men' and that is what men do all the time.

SGB...I think you are probably right. Don't get me wrong there are some women who go there occassionaly and do seem to be on the pull. TBF I don't have the energy lol I am out having a drink and a laugh...sometimes I push the boat out and have a dance and a sing as well.

Orm thats one thing that gets me..it is ok for men to do this but a woman doing it is looked down on.

HRH, having been told I am flirting I used the scenario as it was.But re read the OP i do not change what I do with these men throughout the thread...it stays the same.

Same scenario because thats what happens. I go to the pub sometimes 1 or 2 female friends come along but I also go on my own. I sit in the same seat with the same people around me.

From what you have said I don't think you are actually flirting, you're just having fun and being friendly.

I don';t see anything wrong with what you are doing and if your DP is fine with it don't worry, it sounds like you are doing nothing wrong, you just have a social scene that is close to home and happens to be in a pub.

Good for you. It wouldn't be my first choice for a friday night, but hat's beside the point, good for you.

Agree with SGB.