sent a text to not so DH saying its over

[tesrocks]

he is on stage do. Looked at internet history as I don't really trust him over previous lies and sexual incident with so called friend. Hints of an affair, strip bar searches and lots of porn.

He is being droped off soon by his mum told hin his bags will be on the porch. OK I'm 38 years, two DS and will starting again. We've been together for 18 years.

Bugger, bugger why are such men such complete and utter shits who think only with their dicks?

No one at this hour on this day I feel I can call - just got first glass of wine come and tell me it will be OK and stay strong.

yep, penny just dropped, tippy

Sorry, I am thick aren't I?

Tes, I think you have given him chance after chance. Stay strong, he is so not worth any more of your sadness .

No no I am not the BJ in the street lady, I promise. I'm the sad cow whose mate (of thirty years) gave my DH a BJ in my front room while I was asleep upstairs - how fucking sad does that sound.

ohhh, sorry, tes

I was getting hold of wrong end of stick, wrong penny

apologies

I do remember you properly now x

Oh, sorry, sorry. You're not a sad cow
Don't think that.

OK - I have a bee in my bonnet about getting my house completely spotless even have an "Oven Pride" which I bought after MN top tips but haven't been arsed to use.

Thanks for all support I am off to clean and then will go for run and then get my beautiful DSs and then divorce saddo DH.
Thats a plan.

com back later, and tell us how you are x

Cleaning is quite a good release actually (that makes me a sad cow!). Turn out some cupboards.
I like your To Do list

tes, my sister discovered the same thing, only she was upstairs bf her one month old baby. Sadly, she forgave and tried to move on past it, only for him to cheat again. He was even less remorseful the second time.

There seems to be something about forgiving cheating. As though, the cheater loses all respect for the partner who forgives.

No one should need to put up with that, in their HOME for gods sake.

Hello Tes, first time I've been on mumsnet today. My H had a porn addiction as well. It didn't take him long to want the fantasy a reality either. I think your H has no respect for you quite frankly, as he knows how much you dislike it but completely disregards you. In fact I think he is used to getting his own way and talking you round. He sounds manipulating and controlling but maybe I am wrong. I think to keep your nerve later you need to get angry about what he has done and how little respect he has for you. The truth will come out slowly I suspect but I think there is far more to this then just the blow job incident quite frankly. He needs to respect the boundaries you require and to reach an agreement on living arrangements. Have you been to citizens advice yet to find out your rights?

Will your friend be there tonight as well?

Hello

I am holding it together. We talked yesterday when kids were in bed. Of course he is doing the usual sorries and that he will change. I felt exhausted and couldn't talk any more.

Then this morning he sends me a text saying thank you for another chance. I haven't given him another chance I just need some time to get my head round the situation why the fuck does he think he has another chance - so arrogant, so convinced I will just take him back.

It is so difficult - practical stuff like his work - sharing cars - arrangements already made.

Spoke with RL friend yesterday outcome is I shouldn't have married him and expect him to change so I must take some blame for that. DSs adore him what the hell happens to their perfect lives? They have no idea at all that we are fighting / seperating.

Bugger - it is so hard, I think reality is kicking in today.

Thanks again for support.

keep posting, tes

It wasn't a perfect life for your children though tes As the way he had been treating you would have affected the atmosphere in the house, no matter how you tried to cope and be a good mum. There would have been tension or underlying conflict. You being treated with no respect isn't a good model for them as they grow either.

It was only once I separated from my H I started to realise how much more peaceful and content I felt and that too spilled out into how I behaved with my children and they too became happier and more at peace and I thought I'd been coping brilliantly before but they must have sensed something anyway.

I'd tell him now you haven't decided to give him another chance yet and are still making your mind up and need some space without texts from him.

I said on Sunday at about 19.35 ish that my ex H still has a good relationship with the children and sees them regularly. Your DCs can still have a good relationship with him, it is possible

((hugs)) lovely x

Tes Can you write down this morning a list of all the reasons you want to leave, because it sounds as though you are already bargaining some of them away.

Are you the poster whose "friend" was on a personal development course that urged the participants to be "honest" with those they had hurt - and she told you she had given your H a BJ in your lounge? This confession came from her, not him?

And despite the fact that you have said porn makes you feel uncomfortable and is something you dislike, you keep finding it?

Get some clarity and write down that list, including other marriage-reducing behaviours that I can imagine are happening. The above behaviour doesn't happen in a vaccuum, I expect there is more to tell about his under-investment in the relationship and his capacity for honesty.

The perhaps try to project what your life will be like if you continue a relationship. What will you be doing and feeling?

Hi WWIFN - great memory

It is me the one with the friend who went on some hippy retreat and was told to be honest.

She spent a whole weekend apparently phoning people up - she started by telling me that she got off with my boyfriend when I was 18 aand only after that did she mention my DH - WTF

She has only been in contact since once by text saying she hopes I am happy WTF!!

I do my absolute best not to think about them. Have new sofa and looking for a new house they have tainted this one.

I will write a list. Thanks you

it is your husband that is tainted, tbh

the sofa and the house are inanimate objects (although I get where you are coming from)

get a new sofa and a new bloke

I'm new to this but I've gotta say I feel for you. You sound strong anyway and like you've made up your mind, but to keep your mind made up, you could try a book called To Good to Leave, Too bad to Stay - here is a link -
www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=too+good+to+leave&tag=googhydr-21&index=aps&hvadid=4433800263&ref=pd_sl_7x52ex19a3_b - hoping that link comes out ok- it's reduced here by the looks of it...anyway, great book for when you are in that situation where you've spent a long time in an unhealthy relationship.

A friend of mine in a similar situation sold her story to a magazine to warn other women of him - that put the nail in the coffin and really sorted out her anger. She used a lady who sorted it all out for her.www.sellmystorydirect.comstay strong :)