Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me with this issue (Houseguest question)

32 replies

youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 15:16

A couple of weeks ago, we had my sil staying for 6 nights see here and I tought she was taking the piss a bit but I have also admitted I was a bit unreasonnable. Anyway, I have been hoest with her and told her that it was not very practical for us to sleep on our sofa as it meant that we had to go to sleep very early as she needed to go to sleep early as she was starting her day work at 6 am. She wanted to come the following week but I have said no sorry, we cant have you. She said ok I'll ask my friend. We left it at that after a lovely last evening with her.

This week, I have seen on Facebook that she was begging her friends for an accomodation for her and my bil for west london, 2 nights next week and 3 nights the following week in west london. One of her friend offered to have them in Notting hill but she declined the offer.

Then, my bil asked my dh if if he could come and crash on our sofa for a couple of nights, I was not happy about it but obviously I have said yes. He said only 2 nights and we agreed.

However I'm worried because, my sil is asking again (she is begging as it is all put in capital letters) to have the 2 of them (my sil and bil) for a couple of nights and the following week for 3 nights...

Dont you think it is a little bit confusing ?? We have agreed to have bil for 2 nights next week but she is still looking for accomodation ?? I'm worried she is going to ask us when I have already been clear on the subject. Worse, my bil is going to come with sil without asking us and we wont find the strenght to refuse. What you would you do ?

OP posts:
Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 15:25

bump

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 26/09/2010 15:26

I'm confused, is BIL her husband or is this a different BIL?

Why do they have to have your bed?

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 15:28

Bil is dh's brother and sil is bil long term girlfriend, sorry for the confusion. They'll sleep on the sofa but I just dont want it as the flat is small and we have 2 dcs.

OP posts:
ihearthuckabees · 26/09/2010 15:37

Why did you say yes to BIL when you'd already said no to SIL. Surely they come as a package?

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 15:43

I didnt want to say yes but dh felt under pressure as it is his brother. Dh asked him if it was only him (bil) and he said yes so we agreed. We said just for 2 nights but please understand it is not really practical for us. He would have said he wants to come with sil, we would have said no, unfortunately the fact she asking around on facebook for accomodation for 2 is weird.

OP posts:
ihearthuckabees · 26/09/2010 15:46

Are they homeless?

I think if they both come you will have to put up with it, as it's family. But i can see that it's a really annoying situation. They need to sort themselves out and get somewhere to live (I haven't read your other thread). And I wouldn't necessarily fit around their timetable - if they have to get up early and want to go to be, and you're using the sofa, tough ().

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 15:53

They are 38 and 39 and they are not homeless, they live in Brigthon. They work as extras on the last Martin Scorsese movie. We had sil 2 weeks ago for 6 nights and she was freeloading from us so I told her that it was a no no during school nights, I have been clear on that.

OP posts:
Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:00

I mean if you say no, it is no !!! No ?

OP posts:
ihearthuckabees · 26/09/2010 16:06

It sounds like you've been pretty clear, so you're within your rights to stick to your guns. I don't think you should feel guilty about it, but I know it can be hard to stand your ground if people are really pushy.

Would you turn her away if they both showed up? (Don't think I would - I'd just grumble about it behind their backs).

Are they struggling actors trying to get a break, or do they enjoy the itinerant lifestyle but expect everyone to help them out all the time? If it was the latter, I'd be less than sympathetic.

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:11

If they show up, I guess I'll leave the house to go to the pub with some friends then I'll come back and do as much noise as I can so I wake them up !! I'll row with dh I guess. It will be a bitch fest !

They are not struggling actors, he is a cook and she is a post graduate photographer. For 4 years since we got married, we didnt have much contact for some reasons but I have invited them to dh's 35th birthday to build bridges again.

As I have said we had sil for 6 nights and she treated the house like a bnb. I think they should go to a proper one insteasd of scrounging at our house.

OP posts:
Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:14

That is what she is saying on her latest statut :

PLEASE could anyone put us up for TWO nights next week +/or 3 nights the week after? Need somewhere west of London near train station so can get to ######### (or #######) at 6AM!! Thankyou :)

She is asking for the 2 of them but nobody answered that appeal, if she doesnt find anyone, she is obviously going to force us to say yes. No ?

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 26/09/2010 16:15

Say no. They can take up friend's offers or go to a backpacker's hostel or take the train back to Brighton (hardly the other end of the country). Just say no Grin

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:17

I have said no and told her to her face but somehow, they are very insisting. Hate it hate it !!!!!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/09/2010 16:18

FFS trains between London and Brighton run all bloody night anyway. Remember that you are entitled to say 'No' to people when giving them what you want will make your life difficult and what they want is not a life-or-death issue anyway.

DanceInTheDark · 26/09/2010 16:20

SHe can't force you to say yes. Extras get paid - just not very much, She should be looking at Travelodge type places.

FakePlasticTrees · 26/09/2010 16:21

1/ London to Brighton trains are very frequent and run vertually though the night, why do they have to stay in London at all? (I've worked with people who commute from Brighton to London every day for years, why can't they do it for a few days?)

2/ If they really would rather stay in London while working, why can't the book a hotel? You can get cheap deals, if they are prepared to sleep on a sofa, then they aren't after a luxurious standard of living, why can't they treat it as a business expense and book somewhere?

Tippychoocks · 26/09/2010 16:22

You don't need to justify it in any case, you've already told her why. Just tell her you're sorry and it won't be possible and don't get drawn into apologising or explaining.
They are very pushy to keep insisting.

shongololo · 26/09/2010 16:23

www.piccadillyhotel.net/ Beds from £12 a night apparently -

also, www.hostelbookers.com/hostels/england/london/

Many hostels, cheap as chips.

Id post these on her facebook for all to see. She may get the hint.

Squitten · 26/09/2010 16:25

Your house - your decision. If they ask and you say yes then you can't really complain. I think you probably have to assume the worst, which is that they will likely both show up.

Stop being passive - say yes if you want them to stay and NO if you don't

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:25

They dont want to spend money at all that is the thing, when she was with us, she moaned at how much her travel card was costing but beside that she didnt have to pay food or accomodation. I was clear when I said no but they are cornering dh (who can be weak sometimes !). She gets payed between 190 pounds a day to 270 pounds a day.

When she came, she didnt lift a finger to help, I'm sort of alright with this now but I cant bear having them on our sofa forcing us to go bed early !

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 26/09/2010 16:26

Get a backbone and say NO.

They are taking the piss and more fool you for letting it happen.

Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:30

Believe me I said no but what can I do if dh's brother ask him ? We said yes but just to him. Anyway I have followed your recommandations and sent her a message on facebook. I think it makes it even clearer now !! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
youarebustedmydear · 26/09/2010 16:31

I'm glas to know I'm not unreasonnable !

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 26/09/2010 16:33

I remember your other thread. Tell DH it's a no. Otherwise what'll happen the next time? Or if they want to go clubbing/shopping/whatever? Your house is not a family dosshouse and if it winds you up this much it's not fair for your DH to get bullied into it - tell him Nooooooooooo Grin

DanceInTheDark · 26/09/2010 16:33

RIght.

If this was your child and you had said no and they kept on and on would you change your mind?